How do you find out what Ive been doing on the computer?

nimh, where are you getting "telling off". I'm not picking up anything like that from the original post.

It would appear her parents are communicating - they've told her what they're doing and what they don't like. I suspect she's also been told precisely why they don't like her communicating with the people they disapprove of.

Here is a child having a child, and her parents are so busy trying to be in control that they fail to be parents and to teach their daughter about using good judgement. [..] I get the feeling this is a daughter who is out of control and they are desperately trying to rein her in. I agree such tactics tend to backfire and create a more stubborn, secretive child. We are seeing such a case here.

The one thing I am not willing to do is to tell a minor on how to go about erasing history or files so her parents cannot monitor her activities.

then I agree with you: checking internet activity while the girl gets pregnant is a major screw-up in priorities.

Well nimh the expert on child rearing and life in general

ehBeth wrote:

nimh, where are you getting "telling off". I'm not picking up anything like that from the original post.

I wasnt responding to the original post - I was responding to yours.

It appears you and I have a rather significant difference of understanding of "telling off". I'm not going into any dictionary definitions, just saying, our use of language and understanding of it appears to be very different.

She is not of legal age. Pregnancy doesn't automatically make her an adult. Her question was not "How can I convince my parents that I need more freedom?" it was "How can I do what I want and not get caught?"

nimh wrote:

Green Witch wrote:

This is sooooo pathetic. She's 16, having a baby, and her mommy and daddy have to spy on her because she makes bad decisions about who she talks to on-line. Her parents should have spied harder 7 months ago, maybe even 7 years ago.

Since you're in such judgemental mode, perhaps you could instead note that her parents should have been parenting and communicating, rather than thinking you can prevent anything by spying on emails...

I was being somewhat sarcastic in my remarks. Here is a child having a child, and her parents are so busy trying to be in control that they fail to be parents and to teach their daughter about using good judgement. I have no problem with parents making sure a child is using the internet safely, but I get the feeling this is a daughter who is out of control and they are desperately trying to rein her in. I agree such tactics tend to backfire and create a more stubborn, secretive child. We are seeing such a case here. I don't agree with CJ that Loren's story doesn't add up - I think it completely adds up and I believe Loren is being honest about her life. Loren writes exactly like an immature 16 year old who thinks she is 35 (I have 6 nieces, all of whom send me plenty of email letters, I know a kid's letter when I read one). It's why I find the whole story pathetic.

I check out the online activities of my child as well - trust is good, checking up on them is better. There have been far to many incidents where children are lured into dangerous situations by pedophiles and other sickos. Children do not have the experience nor do they take the necessary precautions,
despite lenghty discussions with their parents. Unfortunatley, parenting is not as easy as nimh thinks it is.

Frankly, I doubt that Loren is actually 16 years old, somehow her stories
don't add up.

You are right, Lauren, I was wrong.
I can hear now, that you are a teenager - a teenage mother that is.
You are as defiant as they all are in your age group, and you think you
know it all.

I tell you why your parents check-up on you: they probably put a lot of
trust in you, and let you have the freedom you wanted, until you broke
the trust by getting pregnant. You broke the trust, and in order to regain
their trust, you have to show your parents that your worthy of their
trust. This doesn't come overnight, only your behavior and your sense
of responsibility will show them otherwise.

Since you are a minor and your parents are still responsible for you,
it is only natural that they monitor your activities more closely now, as
they did prior to you getting pregnant.

Your parents love you, they would not resort to such measures if they
didn't care. Now that you are a parent yourself, you will do your utmost to
protect your baby, don't you? Well your parents do the same - show
a bit more compassion towards them, they've been through a lot.

Ok my parents like to check what I do on the computer and they can get into everything that Ive been on and what ive done. How can I do that myself? I dont like that they are all noisy in my business. I dont do bad things on there I just talk to some people that she doesnt want me to talk to and I email them and she finds out. So how do I see what websites and things ive been on? Ive looked and deleted my history but that wasnt it. Ive tryed looking in the recyle bin but I dont know what to do and I dont want to mess the computer up. So if you can give me sme advise I would love to know.

CalamityJane wrote:

trust is good, checking up on them is better.

Yeah, I'm just going to let this statement stand by itself. Good grief.

I check out the online activities of my child as well - trust is good, checking up on them is better. There have been far to many incidents where children are lured into dangerous situations by pedophiles and other sickos. Children do not have the experience nor do they take the necessary precautions,

Loren Whetstone wrote:

Ok my parents like to check what I do on the computer and they can get into everything that Ive been on and what ive done. How can I do that myself? I dont like that they are all noisy in my business. I dont do bad things on there I just talk to some people that she doesnt want me to talk to and I email them and she finds out. So how do I see what websites and things ive been on? Ive looked and deleted my history but that wasnt it. Ive tryed looking in the recyle bin but I dont know what to do and I dont want to mess the computer up. So if you can give me sme advise I would love to know.

Doesn't sound to me like your parents DO trust you, as you claim, Loren... they wouldn't be checking, otherwise. And I'm sure you're not asking just to KNOW... you're asking so you can cover your tracks. Perfectly reasonable from your perspective. You're still defiantly emailing and talking to people they don't want you to, and having no information about those people, I wouldn't even try to comment on this.

The fact is, you're under their roof, whether you're a minor or not (which you are), and they're supporting both you and your baby (which is something they had no control over - the baby), so you pretty much have to do what they want.

If you have issues with who they don't want you communicating with, talk to them about it.

I don't know that I would go so far as to monitor emails or censor friendships because I don't believe in that, but I did read my daughter's diary one year because I wanted to know what she was up to. Anyway, everybody has their own way of dealing with things.

Nimh - you obviously have much value in your input regardless of whether you have children - I don't think that argument holds a lot of water. We were all children once and know children, read the papers, etc., so I hope you continue to contribute to these conversations.

The problem with anybody coming on here with their tales is that we don't get a full spectrum... we get one side, often mood-dependent, and subjective. When kids come on here, it's more convoluted. You, nimh, said she's a teenager and should be helped (with her computer question) because of that. I disagree with that as the reason. Some teens are very immature, whether they've had a child or not. I think we should take each person individually. For example, we have 'aperson' here, who is younger than 'Loren' but the differences in them are enormous.

The other thing is that her parents know here better and love her more than we do; I never got the sense that they were authoritative or controlling. She is living with them with the baby. She is in school. The parents obviously are supporting her, they love her. I trust in their judgement.

I don't think you were doing anything horrible, Loren, but obviously you were doing something you shouldn't have... I mean, you did have a baby, didn't you? That, in itself, isn't bad, but you're just a kid yourself. It's not what parents want for their children. And you'd be a different parent, one suspects, if you'd had your baby when you were 25 or 30 or 35, than you are at 16. It's not just what's happening to you, it's what's going to happen with your child. You did an adult thing at a kid's age, not just by having sex, but by having a child. And you were irresponsibly having sex because you got pregnant. There is no judgement from me about this on you, I'm merely stating the facts.

Yes, kids should have a private life, but sometimes their actions force you to make decisions you wouldn't otherwise. I don't like snooping any more than the next person, but if I'm responsible for someone and they're acting all sly and devious and secretive, and won't tell me what's going on, how can I help and protect them?

My sister had suspicions her 14 yr old son was smoking pot; she went through his backpack and sure enough, there was a bag of it. Then the principal went through his locker and sure enough, there was another bag of it. He's too young to be smoking pot, especially in that amount. Say what you will, but while you're a minor, your parents are responsible for you until you reach majority, and they have that authority.

Anyway, to answer your original question, I have no idea how to find out what you've been doing on your computer.