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Sat 19 Jul, 2003 06:28 pm
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
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" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
another" --George Bush, US President
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca
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"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the
truth. I assisted in furthering that version." --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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The quote pertaining to pollution, here attributed to Gore, was attributed to G W Bush on a different site quite some time ago.
I laughed out loud when I read the one from Mariah Carey.
Some are beauts, aren't they? Bush, Quayle, what's the difference? Stupid is as stupid does.
They all are worthy to win a prize.
They are all around us, particularly as eminating from the US government. Just need someone to compile them.
I wonder if some of them were tongue-in-cheek. Like the one about Norman Einstein sounds like it could have been a joke.
Overheard at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting: "Some people insist that alcoholism is a disease. I disagree with that. It's just a sickness."
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981
dlowan, you want some more-a?
Here's some more-a.
Mexican Presidents:
Luis Echeverría (1970-76)
"This situation neither benefits us nor damages us, but all the contrary"
Not happy with this, months later, he said:
"We are not Capitalist nor Socialist, but all the contrary".
José López Portillo (1976-82)
"We must learn to administer abundance". Dec-1-1976
"I shall defend the peso like a dog" Feb-5-1982
The peso and the economy crumbled on Feb 17th 1982; people barked at every appearance of the President; so he declared:
"Dogs are brave animals: they bark at hellicopters"
Beauts. Hopefully it made more sense in the original language. But...I doubt it....
Has anyone mentioned a recent hearing of our President uttering "gooderer"?
I googled this, because i knew it would be a gold mine:
The Immortal Words of Yogi Berra[/color]
"This is like deja vu all over again."
"You can observe a lot just by watching."
"He must have made that before he died." -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.
"I want to thank you for making this day necessary." -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947.
"I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it." -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.
"Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"
"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."
"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."
"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."
"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."
"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."
"Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."
"It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."
"Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."
"A nickel isn't worth a dime today."
"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."
"It gets late early out there." -- Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.
"Glen Cove." -- Referring to Glenn Close on a movie review television show.
Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi replied, "Surprise me."
"Do you mean now?" -- When asked for the time.
"I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four."
"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left."
"90% of the putts that are short don't go in."
"I made a wrong mistake."
"Texas has a lot of electrical votes." -- During an election campaign, after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.
"Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." -- After being told he looked cool.
"I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."
"Yeah, but we're making great time!" -- In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost."
"If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them."
"Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."
"It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't."
"How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name." -- Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "bearer."
"I'd say he's done more than that." -- When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.
"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."
"He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light." -- On the acquisition of fleet Ricky Henderson.
"I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"
"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."
"The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."
"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
"I didn't really say everything I said."
I've got a political one for this thread ...
Context: elections in Yemen, last month. The opposition coalition Hizb Al-Islah ("the Taliban of Yemen") suffered a surprise defeat shortly after the Iraq war, in elections that were "relatively calm", considering only 3 people were killed and 14 injured. In the local elections two years ago, there'd been 16 dead.
Nevertheless, several districts' results were declared invalid. The small Nasserist opposition party protested, but Abdo Janadi, spokesman of the government-appointed Election Committee, brushed aside the complaints about the violence, saying:
Quote:[T]hat is normal in a democracy and shows, that the people are interested in the elections."
Definately the antithesis of apathy.
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