Allison, you ignorant slut.

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I happened to catch the tail end of the Dr. Phil show today and it was about this woman Allison Quets who gave her kids up for adoption because she was so ill (with a serious gestational disease) and then she kidnapped them and went to Canada. Now she's in jail in Canada and blah blah blah.

I'm interested in adoption issues so I googled her to read the story and one thing really hit me......

Every article made a big deal over the fact that she has spent over $400,000 (her life's savings) on attorney fees trying to get her kids back.

My question:

I understand she went through IVF to get pregnant so it seems like she really, really wanted kids but if she had $400,000 in the bank why didn't someone suggest she hire some help? Why did she think "I'm sick, I'll put the kids up for adoption" instead of "I'm sick, I'm rich, this is a gestational problem that will go away once the kids are born, I'm going to hire a nurse or a nanny until I feel better"?

Even from my very pro-adoption position I could almost side with her if she hadn't been so wealthy. Now I just think she's some kind of nut case who probably isn't bright enough to raise kids.

Should she get the kids back?

(Okay already, that's two questions if you're counting.)

What say you?

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I don't know enough about the case to form an opinion on whether she should get the kids back or not. I hadn't head about this until I saw your thread and a quick Google search comes up with links are look like they were written by her press agent.

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Yeah I saw the same links.

I really don't think this woman is an ignorant slut. I posted this topic under another title and it wasn't getting any views or action so I decided to go all Limbaugh on it.

My niece suffered through this same disease (I'll have to look up what it's called) during both of her pregnancies and giving the kids up for adoption was never a consideration -- and she was not a 47 year old woman with nearly half a million dollars in the bank.

I'll admit, I have a tendency to circle the wagons around adoptive parents -- being one myself. This is the first case I've really read that might actually sway me -- if she had been an under 25 year old woman with no insurance and no savings.

I don't want it to seem like money is the only issue that is swaying me either. She seems to have a sister who cares for her very much (and I would presume friends and coworkers who care) and I just can't get over the fact that nobody suggested any options.

I don't know. It's a real head-scratcher.

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The one thing that sticks in my head on this is that, as you well know, prospective adoptive parents have to go through a bunch of screening - to see if they are fit, able to provide, etc...

There isn't anything on anywhere near the same level for the birth mother. Where is the social worker to do the home study on the birth mother? Someone to act as a reality check who could, in these sorts of situations say "Hold on a minute, maybe there is another way that should be considered...".

Yeah, I know. It would add another level of complexity to the whole adoption process but I think the number of cases where someone gives up a child and then decides they want the child back later would go down too. I've know a few couples that adopted kids and they lived in fear that the birth mother was going to pop up and ask for the kid back.

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Stuff I read about her a couple of months back made me think she was some kind of nut - better that the kids never know about her. Then again, if I was one of the adoptive parents, I'd be worried that maybe her kind of nuttiness had a genetic link.

Torn in a different way.

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If it's the same case (sure it is) that I've read about here and there, the adoptive parents are actually the ex boyfriends sister and husband or brother and sister-in-law and the boyfriend was the one pushing for her to put the kids up for adoption.

Will have to read more to form an opinion but at this point I'm going with she's nuts.

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There was a lot of money in her pocket - first IVF, then all the legal fees.

A home in NC and one in Florida.

You'd think some money could have gone toward better medical care during the pregnancy (or better pre-IVF screening).

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I don't know if it is true in all states, fishin', but in my state we had to provide a document to both of Mo's bio parents stating that if they wanted legal counsel or psychological counseling that it would be paid for by us -- the receipt of this document had to be notorized.

Prior to the adoption taking place, the birth-mom also met privately with our attorney who told her that though he was representing us that the outcome of each person involved in the adoption was of the utmost importance. He asked her if she had any second thoughts.

I don't know if it was enough. I sometimes wonder if we might all be better protected if there had not been some requirement to these issues. The fact that they all live nearby and some of them do have contact with Mo is sometimes..... err.... stressful.

I do realize that our adoption was pretty unique among adoptions.

I'm interested in the Canadian perspective on this, eBeth, since they are the ones that arrested her. From their point of view it has to look like kidnapping pure and simple.

I'd love to know more about that aspect, squinney. All I've read is that the person who helped arrange the adoption was a relative of the adoptive parents.

This is a really bizarre and complicated case!

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I'm not wild about Nancy Grace, but this transcript is interesting.

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Quote:

Despair fueled custody saga
Friends say a frail Quets was pressured to give up her twins

Andrea Weigl, Staff Writer

A difficult pregnancy left Allison Quets wondering whether she could care for the children she had so desperately wanted. A former boyfriend suggested a solution: Let his relatives adopt her twins.Quets agreed to an open adoption with the Apex couple but soon regretted giving up the children she had at the age of 48 after in-vitro fertilization. Last month, she tried to circumvent the courts by fleeing with the twins to Canada.

Her drastic attempt to regain custody left Quets, 49, of Orlando, Fla., facing an international parental kidnapping charge and stunned those who have known her for years.

"What has really surprised me about all of this is she wasn't rational -- and she is a very rational person," said James Lee, 65, of Tucson, Ariz., a former neighbor of Quets in Orlando.

Quets' friends say the illness she endured through most of her pregnancy left her isolated and weak -- physically and mentally. In that condition, they say, she felt pressured by the former boyfriend, who was her primary caretaker at the time, to choose what he thought was the best future for her babies.
Quets grew up in Long Island, N.Y., the oldest of three children. She got a bachelor's degree in psychology and a master's degree in social welfare from Stony Brook University on Long Island. She earned a second master's degree in computer science from Binghamton University. In 1986, she began working for Lockheed Martin. She resigned last month....

Raleigh News and Observer

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Interesting that when her ex-boyfriend's relatives tried to back out of the adoption, Quets contacted other adoption lawyers - even got into some preliminary negotiations about getting the money for the IVF from another couple.

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That transcript was VERY interesting, eBeth. Thank you for posting it.

I'm not a fan of Nancy Grace either but she did ask some good questions. I think fishin' is right -- a lot of the Googleable (?) posts seem to be written by a press agent. This conversation really shed some light on things.

In Oregon there is no such thing as a closed adoption. Way, way before Mo I voted in favor of opening the records. Although I am (so far) happy with our situation I sometimes kick myself on behalf of others (hoping I never kick myself on behalf of myself).

This bit of the conversation was especially chilling. Mr. B calls this the "glamour parent" -- something that he warns me about on at least a weekly basis.......

Quote:

KLIEMAN: Yes, the welfare of the child, Nancy. How about when she these two twins are 5 years old, 10 years old, 15 years old, and they`re going to hear the story about how their mother thought from 10 hours after she gave them up for adoption, spent her life savings, $400,000, trying to get them back, went and nurtured them, took them with her in desperation because the appeals process didn`t seem to be giving her justice, and then they`re going to hear that the adoptive parents said, "Uh-uh-uh, Mom, you can`t have your kids."

So let`s think about the welfare of the children and their psychological well-being later on.

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Re: Allison, you ignorant slut.

boomerang wrote:

Why did she think "I'm sick, I'll put the kids up for adoption" instead of "I'm sick, I'm rich, this is a gestational problem that will go away once the kids are born, I'm going to hire a nurse or a nanny until I feel better"?

She probably went to a lawyer for advice.

boomerang wrote:

Should she get the kids back?

No. Not after she gave 'em up for adoption. She doesn't have the problem-solving skills to be a parent.

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Re: Allison, you ignorant slut.

DrewDad wrote:

[
She probably went to a lawyer for advice.

I laughed against my will.

I bartended my way through college serving martinis to the bar association and other noted professionals. I could have saved (and made) a fortune by realizing that chatting with these guys was a much better education than what my professors droned on about.

During our adoption we were laughed out of a dozen attorney's offices. Thanks to my ability to read and may A2Ker's (notably: fishin) responses helping me understand law, I finally found a brilliant attorney (who thought just like me!).

<in my best southern accent...... <throwing curtains over my shoulder>.....>

With God as my witness I shall never make fun of attorneys again.

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@boomerang,

It wasn't her idea to give up the babies it was her boyfriend.. the Dr's were saying they didn't know What was wrong with her they thought and were telling her she was dying.. if you have ever had the stomach flu you know how horrible it is to vomit constantly day and night for days now imagine if lasted 9 months...your losing weight can't eat sleep drink.. function... at that time no one knew that the voimting was caused by the pregnancy if she had known this would never have happen...my question is Why if her bf wanted the babies was he so adamant about giving them away... he didn't want to take care of them if she died...I don't understand Why there wasn't a provision in the paperwork that if she survived the contract would be null and void...I don't think her bf ever really wanted the babies and this was his way out of taking responsibility for them along with child support... I'm thinking maybe he didn't think she would actually get pregnant... but I do believe that she should have her kids back...one last point.. she thought she was dying she she was not thinking clearly... it sounds to me make maybe he was just using her as a surrogate for his family member...seems a lot hinky to me...

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@squinney,

What makes her nuts...

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@DrewDad,

She thought she was dying.... you are ignorant... maybe you don't have the reasoning skills to be human... let's see you puke your guts out for months and see how Good your reasoning skills are...

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@cybilee,

cybilee wrote:

... let's see you puke your guts out for months and see how Good your reasoning skills are...

one of my best friends threw up for between 30 and 40 weeks of 3 pregnancies. It never made her a bad decision-maker.

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@boomerang,

I thought it was an old SNL reference.

My uninformed opinion is that gestational diabetes doesn't seem like something to give your kids up for, but that she might have been depressed too? I know pregnancy hormones can make rational decision making a challenge.

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Someone mentioned they would be worried that the babies would be nuts since the mother is nuts, genetically speaking. Well, Allison isn't biologically related even though she birthed them because she used donor eggs.

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Allison, you ignorant slut.

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