Need help/comments with a poem

Morgan, coming from the perspective of a (former) wife and not a poet, I will tell you that I would just melt at your poem! I presume your wife knows your strong suit is not poetry which will make the impact all the greater as well.

The only thing I would like to see, as a wife, is the 1st stanza have the "guesses" be changed into "knows", ie

I know I will
I know I can
But for how long
I know until.

The wimmins I know, including me, appreciate permanence, even into death, rather than guesses; but, just take this from me; you obviously know if your wife would prefer the guesses rather than the knowing ...

wow yes i melted too!

That is a really lovely poem without being schmaltzy sickly at all - I think no punctuation at all except for the question marks to keep the beautiful simplicity and sincerity of it.

and i agree with sweetcomplications suggestions

Morganwood,

Now that I've seen your poem, I know my original assessment of you as a sensitive reflective person was correct.

What a lovely, tender, ...poignant poem!

I agree with the others, your wife will feel the love that shines through it, and melt.

I have a couple of opinions about punctuation and such (they are only my opinion, it's YOUR poem ) but I'll send them to you via pm so as not to clutter up the thread or deflect attention from the important to the inconsequential.

Nice work.

There aren't any stiff rules concerning the writing of poetry. Express your heart and soul and let the words melt upon the paper.

Just wonderful, Morganwood. If I were your wife, I would weep at such tenderness and committment. You got it!!!

Thank you all! I didn't think it was that good. After I posted it, I spent a couple of hours reading others work and really found my work to be lacking in comparison.
Again, thankyou.

[quote=" I spent a couple of hours reading others work and really found my work to be lacking in comparison.
[/quote]



not so. I don't praise unless i mean it. I mean it!

There is a real difference in poetry for critical acclaim, and peotry expressing LOVE, Morganwood.
Love poetry, like yours... mostly just flows fro the heart. You can't improve on that.

Yes, Morganwood:

what Jackie and Vivien said :wink:

I concur wholeheartedly, it's a lovely and touching poem.

I have two daughters. My stepdaughter has the wonderful character and compassion and honesty that I so loved in her mother, my late fiancee.
She loves alternative music and is a bit of a tomboy who hates dresses.

My biological daughter was a brilliant student and went to an Ivy league college and a top law school. She loves literature and the arts and all the girly stuff.

One of them has dark hair and beautiful brown eyes and one of them has blonde hair (with help from Clairol) and beautiful blue eyes.

I don't compare my two girls and won't tolerate comparisons by others.
I am a bit of a gardener. Would I trade my peony for another rose?
never.

I suppose you can guess where I'm going with this...
like we do with our adored children and our delightful flowers, we need to appreciate each poem for itself.
It's not a competition.

Morganwood, Your poem was so dear and tender. The imperfection of it, is what your wife will love the most.

Thank you Letty!

Just to tidy up:
Just got back in town. I drove to Virginia to see Linda for our anniversery (the 21st). She loved the poem. I put it in a photo that I reworked and framed it. I struck with "I guess I can..." first verse because that is the thought that started it all. Thanks for the input and help!!!

(On the other side, she gave me a CANON D10. The bucks didn't balance out but she was as pleased with the thoughts as I was dumbfounded by the camera! All in all, a wonderful visit and we whispered dirty things in each others ears, long into the night!!)

Long into the night.

Miss Rae is smiling. All nights should be long and filled with naughty whispers.

Happy anniversary, Mr. and Mrs. Morganwood.

Happy Anniversary from me and the kittens too!

A lovely poem, morganwood!
And congratulations on your anniversary. Sounds like a wonderful marriage that you & your wife have there!