Unschooling and other alternatives

From another non-expert. It looks like a smaller class environment might be ideal for him - one that offers a bit more flexibility. When I was in high school I took a cross-age tutoring class - it was supposed to prepare you for teaching if you wanted such a career. In that class, you would tutor an elementary school child that was having difficulty learning. I was assigned the "monster" child. My teacher explained to me that she felt I was more mature than the other students so thought I would be a good match with him. He definitely had behavioral issues, but working one on one he was focused and learned very fast. He simply needed a little extra attention that the teacher in a busy full classroom could not afford to give him.

Each child learns differently and depending on the child certain environments are not ideal for them. As a side note - I hate the idea of the "bad" table.

I am also a big proponent of the social side of school. I understand that many home schooled children get social interaction with other children, but how much of it is without a parent within sight?

That's not what I meant. What I meant was: How often does regular, peer-to-peer conflict-settling fail, receding into tattling and violence? Does it fail much more often when Mo is one of the conflicting parties? Does it fail more often when Mo is in school than when he is playing in the street?

Yes it fails more in school, if I'm understanding the question.

I really think that's because they aren't given the chance to resolve things at school without someone stepping in. Plus, at home they have an escape -- they can just come home and shut the door.

Speaking completely personally, I would not want to home school. I'm a terrible teacher. I think, though, that were I in boomer's situation, I would begin to look for alternatives while all the time not letting on to Mo. It certainly seems like he could benefit from a smaller class size and possibly a different teaching style, at least at this very early and very important stage in his education. One of the things that worries me the most is that he might develop a negative attitude towards school which could compound over time until he himself gives up. Another is that he might internalize his issues and think of himself as stupid or bad. Of course, I don't really know that much about what is going on with him, only what I'm picking up from boomer.

I understand the concerns of sozobe and agree with them re: home/unschooling. It just seems to me that it is especially important to find a good educational fit for Mo for these crucial early years.

This sounds just like Mo. The school Mo goes to is at the top of the dung pile that are Oregon public schools and they are seriously understaffed. The teachers do not have time or resources to dedicate to each student's style.

The "bad" table is really kind of a time out area. Sometimes kids need to be isolated from the class a bit. I don't like the "bad" table either but I don't know what else they can do.

I don't really WANT to homeschool, FreeDuck, and I have no idea whether I'd be any good at it or not. The "negative attitude about school" is point on. If I don't do anything in hopes that things will improve what happens five years (or next year) from now if they don't? Will he be more frustrated and fall further and further behind so that transferring him to a private school wouldn't even be an option?

No Thomas, it's not equal. Picture the same scenario with your private friends and your co-workers. Privately you'll choose people who you like,
who are somewhat at the same page as you are. Co-workers are different, and you need to collaborate at many different levels, regardless of your personal likes and dislikes for these people.

It is similar with children who have to get along with all classmates, even
though they prefer one over the other. These kind of interactions and dynamic at school you'll never learn at home.

Yes, we've opted for private schools, after I explored all other avenues.
Yet, you never will have an ideal situation, and every year there is a new teacher who might be exceptionally good, or just plain difficult to deal with.
Bottom line is, you find out where your child's needs are best served.

When I adopted my daughter, she was 3 years old and had virtually no
interaction with age appropriate children. At the playground, she would
readily talk to the mothers while ignoring other kids. I put her into a
Montessori Preschool where she needed to interact with her peers, and
after the initial "my way or the highway", Jane assimilated much better,
and the teachers helped quite a bit. However, the Montessori gave her
too much freedom to do things her way, and I realized that she needed much more discipline for her upcoming school years.

In Kindergarten, she was great with her peers, but rebelled against
the discipline there. She finished her assignment in a hurry and started
disturbing the class afterwards. On her 5 minute oral reports, she
pontificated endlessly (since she had an audience) and the teachers had a hard time controlling her. She just didn't want to be pinned down and be able to do her own thing. The teachers complained a lot to me, but I insisted they find a reasonable way to curb her energy, and they did.

Jane's first grade teacher made her a "teacher's aid" and instead of
allowing her to disturb the other kids in class, she made her help them with projects they had difficulties with. It worked great!

The second grade teacher told me:" With Jane's potential she will make it big in life, but until then we all will have lots of headaches."
She was right!

Nonetheless, the discipline and the close interaction with teachers and
peers have helped her tremendously and now that she's heading for
middle school, we're switching schools - away from textbook learning
and into more international methods where creative thinking, languages,
and different socio-economic interactions take presence.

I am sure, once she enters high school, we probably need to adjust to
other requirements, but until then, I have lots of time to observe her
progress.

The point I am trying to make is, boomer, that every year you probably
will have to re-assess Mo's way of learning and design it anew for his
needs. Sometimes the teachers are open to changes, sometimes not, it
is up to you to decide what's best for him, and a private school does
enable you to have a voice, and teachers are more willing to work things
out to the benefit of all.

Have you seen this, boomer? http://www.greatschools.net/cgi-bin/cs_compare/or/?area=d&sortby=name&tab=over&level=e&district=174&x=54&y=14

I'm a strong advocate for public education, however parental involvement is critical to the long term health of any school system. It's what private schools have that public schools need more of. I would urge you , boomer, to contact the school first. Ask for an evaluation of Mo's situation as a student and in the particular environment in his classroom. If you don't get what you ask for, go to the school district. Every child has the right to an education in this country. Parents ned to demand that they get it. If he has special needs, appropriate services should be provided for him.

My grandniece had the very same problems when she entered school and her mother had to fight the bureauocracy to get her the help she needed. It took three years, but she finally got it. She actually likes school now. Trust your gut. Don't give up.

I don't think anyone has cavilled at you finding a school for him you feel will suit him better, just concerns have been raised re home schooling.


Just one thing....in my experience (and again, I know NOTHING about the situation in the US) private schools (and public ones, too) differ enormously in how they handle stuff like a Mo meltdown.


I would consider checking out whether they feel able to handle a little fella who is likely to do that, upfront.

The school I'm most interested in is having an open house a this month. That will be my first step on checking it out.

Good luck, boomer! Let us know how it goes.

Great!

Boomer, does Mo have an IEP at his current school?

What is an IEP?

Individualized Educational Plan used in place of what was once special ed classes. It keeps kids with individual needs in the regular classroom, but provides whatever extra services are needed for the child (even one-on-one assistance by an aide). It also includes personalized counseling by the social worker or school psychologist, as needed.

About 10% - 15% of the kids in our school district have IEPs.

My kids were not home-schooled - I certainly don't have the patience for that, but I do know of other parents who have done it. There are lots of pros and cons, but the big con - socialization - is generally dismissed out of hand. They say they get that on the playgrounds, in their extra-curricular lessons, with family and neighbourhood kids. All these parents are glad they did it or are doing it.

I would worry about having people around to teach the stuff I can't. However, some parents team-teach, so that takes care of that, if there are others near you.

I think there are lots of resources on the web, including chat boards, where you can investigate things and ask parents your questions directly.

There are some disadvantages in attending a public school - the level of teaching, being a major one for me, and the influence of the other kids being another.

My daughter was in grade four and failed a science test because she was home for three days before the test. Those were the days they were reviewing the work. When I went in to discuss her grade with the teacher, I was informed there were no books, notes, handouts or blackboard writing because "none of the kids in this class speak English". I found that appalling. As soon as I could, I transferred her to a French Immersion class where she did just fine.

Yes, we do have that and Mo does work with the school counselor but really it's kind of a joke.

Yeah, Mame! English is not the issue at our school but they won't let you have assignments that your kid might have missed. It's crazy!

The influence of other kids -- yeah, that has created some concerns for me. One day Mo came home from school talking about how he didn't like some of the girls in his class because they are Chinese.

WTF!?

I pointed out Pinky down the street is Chinese and she's one of his best friends; a junior she-hooligan.

Of course, whatever school they go to they will likely have to deal with "I don't like Chinese people" type people.

The more I read about the Waldorf education system the more I like it. I like the mixed age classrooms and the learn at your own pace ideas. It also places an emphasis on social interaction than regular schools.

I'm reminded of what my friend said when she pulled her kids out of public schools 13 years or so ago. She started homeschooling just her youngest (of three) kids because he was just having a terrible time a school, he was miserable; it all started with having to learning how to tell time. He was so frustrated that he was sick every day. He was missing so much school that they were going to make him repeat the grade. She pulled him out and started homeschooling.

Six months later he learned to tell time in 15 minutes because, according to Kay, he was "ready to learn it".

There are lots of crazy things about schools these days, some of which are posted here, in fact. Is it me or have things gone a little nuts in schools? I mean, to suspend a 6 yr old for hugging a teacher??? Yi yi yi you can't even show affection anymore.

It's good that you're investigating various options - your child is unique (as they all are), and some just don't do well in these rigid, structured situations.

I agree with your friend that some kids learn things at different ages... and let's face it, most of school is boring. I remember when my son was in Grade 5, he was studying ancient Greece. Mainly the wars, I believe, but some of the lifestyle. I wondered why they didn't gear the learning to the age group - what did 10 yr old kids play? eat? wear? What did their parents do for a living? How did they get around? etc etc etc It would have been way more interesting and pertinent to learn about it that way.

I'm so glad my kids are done with it and I certainly don't envy parents of school-aged children today! It seems to have become more rigid, regulated and complicated.

Ms Boomerang,

If little boomer has an IEP that means that your school has already labelled him as having learning differences. It's up to you to get these differences identified quickly. I would suggest not through the school.

I think the fact that he has difficulty concentrating with outside stimuli is a clue. One of the ways ADD presents is that the person with ADD can't block out all the things going on around him. We have the ability to effectively "turn up the volume" on someone's voice or whatever it is we wish to concentrate on. The ADD child doesn't have this ability. Thus the hum of the fish tank, schoolmates voices, chalk on the blackboard, light and shadow...all are equally vying for this child's attention at equal levels. The fact that your child recognizes this and is trying to correct the problem shows a willingness to learn, high problem solving skills and great intelligence.

I have a child who is now a college freshman who was always different. I don't think you do your kid any favors by the wait and see attitude. There is nothing like getting a hundred messages from your peers each day that says "you don't quite fit in" to break confidence and cause self doubt. I say get out while your child still is fighting to learn! Find a place where his skill will be recognized and it will be natural to accomadate his learning style.

Get a formal evaluation. Spend the money. Take it with you to private schools. Make sure everyone knows what is what. Don't talk about it in front of him. If he asks you could try to explain. My child was identified in preschool but she didn't ask about herself until 3rd grade. By third grade she knew she was different. She did not understand why she had stopped being invited to the other girl's b day parties etc. It was tough. It isn't like this for all learing different kids but my baby has low social skills. Let's just say that her age in years is about 3 years more than her social/emotional age. She will catch up though!

Sorry to be so long winded but I feel so strongly about this. Don't settle. There is a place for your child. Forgive spelling errors.

Love to your boy,
Plantress

Hi plantress. I'm getting ready to leave town for the weekend but I wanted to say thanks for sharing your story and for the encouragement.

Mo (his online name) has been diagnosed with RAD (reactive attachement disorder -- he has a long and weird history for one so young) and I brought it to the schools attention and I have really tried to educate his teachers about it. One component of it is "hyper-vigilance" -- he's always on the lookout.

I think that is the reason he has the IEP. I'm educating her about RAD too.

I worry about him getting hit with the ADD lable because in public schools anyone who is "different" and "active" is automatically ADD and RAD is not dealt with in the same way.

Hi teachers have all been very impressed that he has learned how to remove himself from all the action. Some of the other kids have started doing it too which has helped with the stigma of "the bad table".

So yeah Mo!

One of the things I really like about one of the schools I'm looking at is they try (because you can't prepare for everything) to provide a consistent teacher over all the years that the kid attends. So he would have the same instructor over 8 years. That alone could really be an amazing benefit for Mo.

School is rigid and complicated and sometimes it just makes no sense to me at all, Mame. When I get back in town I'll have to remember to tell you about the "reading calendar episode"!

The stability thing is nice. 8 years, wow! I had two teachers for three years each in elementary school (1st through 3rd, 4th through 6th), and they are both really important people in my life even today.