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Wed 7 Mar, 2007 08:36 am
To give me some feedback, im 18 and just bought a studio in ontario
lookin for some seriouse feed back of my ****
I know that I can catch you on a late night date night
after that movie when your walkin her home
I know that I cut your fuckin phone line so as soon as you step foot inside
your all on your own
I know how big this muthafuckin knife is frightnin
i know its sharp enough to cut you down to the bone
and i know how valuable your fuckin life is life is
thats why i wont hesitate to filet your dome
you neva saw nothin quite like this like this
i'm hanibal lector your my filet mignion
if your thinkin to yourself you dont like this like this
close the fuckin forum and keep movin along
revenge can move faster than lightnin lightnin
if you think your gonna see me then you got it all wrong
so when you feel that rope on your neck tightnin tightnin
thats another chapter written in the ghetos kharon
ya man i have no idea what a multie is, what a bar is, i usualy just spit man so any advice/ feedback is what i'm up for. I got an ill voice for rap and am recording my demo now so just lookin for info
Is this serious enough for you?
I suppose rap is a spoken art form, not written, but your spelling could do with improvement.
never, not neva
Its filet mignon, not "mignion".
ghetto has two 't's
Hannibal has two 'n's, It's Lecter not 'lector'
You start people's names with a capital letter.
You write a chapter in a canon, not a "kharon"
You keep writing 'your' when you should be writing 'you're'
serious' not seriouse
If your artistic intention was to give the impression of a crazed stalker, then well done, because that's how it comes across. If those are your genuine thoughts, then I think you should get some help - I expect a court will arrange that for you sooner or later - and I'm sure glad you live a long way away from me! In fact you sound like quite an unpleasant young man.
I dont think those are his real feelings...
more like.. trying to present himself a certain way. A way that is supposed to make people think he is 'dangerous', and 'ghetto' ...
Since he has just , supposedly, bought a studio, his spelling might be correct with his style.
But I do think the style needs a bit of work..
Not saying muc.. but it is not very good.
Look around the website and you will see quite a few people in the rap battle forums who are actually talented.. adn they might be able to give you some good pointers.
Good luck
hmmm
in response to contrex! the spelling is that way because that's how it is pronounced, and as it has been clearly stated I was looking for constructive critisizm from other artist.. a.k.a. not some goon that lives his life on the internet. And no wonder the flow was off, the forum cut 90 percent of my song, and blocked out 5.
p.s. Whoever can should close this topic, as I am only recieving feedback from people whom can't read!
Re: hmmm
Chris M wrote:as it has been clearly stated I was looking for constructive critisizm from other artist..
where was it clearly stated, Chris M?
so i stand corrected as things have been cut out.
Chris M wrote:
as it has been clearly stated I was looking for constructive critisizm from other artist..
The trouble with the Internet, or should I say "Da trubble wid da Web", so you'll understand better, ma homie, is that people can write what they jolly well like and you can't do anything about it!
What do you mean by "constructive criticism" anyway? Just people saying "Oh yes this is good, you'll be a millionaire by Christmas, if you don't get shot first?".
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