THE BRITISH THREAD II

I can cope. You needn't worry your little heads on that score.

Cruddle my grey stuff as I might at this time of night and I must admit that I cannot remember the exact words I am required to do by-



I think they were something to do with trumping and snoring most of the night through which is not exactly a behaviour pattern at all likely to cause the hair on the back of my neck to stand up as if I was startled or even mildly surprised. Except of course in the event of a Mexican Jumping Bean curry being golluped down for supper.

I do have my image to think about.

I should imagine, though I have no experience of such things, an innocent in other words, that a sequinned handled riding crop is much the same as any old riding crop or even a whippy branch cut from a willow tree on the spur of the moment.

I don't need to be encouraged by anything so naff as that. Don't they cost money which could be put to better uses? A stern word is enough for me or even a pleasant invitation.

No, it wasn't about snoring and trumping - you KNOW that!

It was about the recent figures on gender abortion in India, and the fact that they have manage to abort 10 MILLION girls in 20 years.

The remark about equal pay in UK was also from a recent report (I know you will have read that). I included it to show that times haven't changed that much for women anywhere.

And the riding crop thing was a joke, an attempt at self calming, as I was annoyed that you had saw fit to moderate my post.

I've been away in N Wales for a coupe of days, very nice, good weather, good hotel, lovely grub. I may have gained a pound or two, in the corpulent sense only.

I see Spendy, our miso missog mysog misogynist-in-chief, has upset Smorgs. So what else is new?

Good morning, all.

Mac wrote-



I think people like you are the real misogynists Mac. You trot out the banalities in order to be popular and curry favour with those who don't know the economic facts of life and you are helping to run women off a cliff. Your desire to be popular coupled with your rejection of any serious study of the issues has resulted in too many women working. Smorgsie said herself that she hates her job. And I don't blame her.

Women are, en masse, weeping and wailing and suffering medical problems resulting from stress they are not evolved for while you sit there beaming with self-congratulatory self satisfaction and never even bothering to make an attempt at answering the points I raised in the post of mine that smorgsie quoted. Why should you when a flip invidious and specious remark will save you the trouble. And the outcome of the policy you have got from the trashy newspapers you read also, as a bonus, saves you from having to bust a gut to look after a woman yourself and will be music to the ears of other lazy woman hating men like yourself who have caused a generation of latch key kids to have become well nigh uncontrollable. Which is itself very handy for you as you can then have another self-congratulation orgy in complaining about them and sounding all virtuous and respectable and concerned.

No wonder you can afford all these indulgencies you partake of which have the added benefit of blowing your trail of pollutants into the gardens where the children of others are playing.

You're the misogynist alright and calling me one is just another attempt to draw the blame away from yourself and load it elsewhere.

I'm not against women working if they want to but the women I talk to in the pub and elsewhere don't give me the impression that they do and looking at the jobs they do, as I have done, I can't say I blame them.

Adding to your corpulence looks more your style Mac. No doubt the ladies who were at your beck and call on your boredom break in N Wales smiled at you with that rictus they have fixed their faces in and gave you the appropriate grovel but if you speak to any of them off duty they will soon fill you in on what they really think about the punters.

Still, we all know how nice it is to have that extra income coming in and ignoring what the life consists of in the getting of it. Drudgery, boredom, humiliation and a dose of arthritis with taut nerves and a bathroom full of bottles of scented chemicals to try to alleviate the worst effects of the ravages.

So go an insult somebody more your own size and then your fat, lazy complacency needn't be put to any trouble.

And I don't think I upset smorgsie either. If I thought I had she would go down in my estimation.

I think you're right spendius, smorgs wouldn't be upset, just a little irritated and weary perhaps.

I wonder what it's like to be you.

It's been okay so far DP. A bit of a breeze actually. I know loads of people who just wing it and don't take themselves too seriously but they are thinning out I'll admit. Very few are ever seen with a mobile phone or on an aeroplane or any of the other silly things one sees increasingly practiced. They generally don't seek to emulate the overwound clockwork orange. And there are millions of them. Possibly a majority actually.

I too wonder what it is like to be you. But not very often.

McT doesnt need me to defend him, but really spendy you go over the top and right down the other side sometimes.

I really wonder about you. What causes so much hatred and anger?

To me you seem a strange fellow. Were you educated by Jesuits?

Come on you lot, it's only the fags getting to him!

Coupled with a very obvious Catholic hang-up, they get like this as they reach old age you know! All pious and looking for forgiveness!


If I were you Spendi me old son, I'd be hoping to be in heaven for half an hour, before the Devil knew I was dead!

This contains about as much common sense, germane comment, and rollicking good humour as your usual stock-in-trade.

Steve wrote-



Yes. Go on. Say it. You know you want to.

"That explains it then" tee hee hee or LOL if you like.

It has resulted in my feeling that when some ignoramus with nothing to say blurts out that I'm a "miso missog mysog misogynist-in-chief" I have the right of reply in which I am entitled to put my best foot forward and am not to be blamed for having the capacity to do so.

What would you have me do?

And if you make any more sloppy and ignorant remarks like "What causes so much hatred and anger?" I might, if I had the time give you an answer you might not like. Remarks such as that and the one Mac indulged himself with and the one DP made ("I wonder what it's like to be you") merely reflect the intellectual capacities of the circumstances concerned in each case. Nothing like any of them would ever pass my lips. They show a lack of respect for others.

All of them are meaningless but if one didn't respond to them others might think they have value. They are simply snidey sneers. They are not in the least clever, partly because they require so little effort, and can only result in a loss of companions except in a world where no other companions can be found and the need for companionship causes them to be put up with. And that isn't the case with me.

Do you really think the generality of ordinary women, should spend half their waking lives in a jobs they hate and the other half recovering from them so that a bunch of tosspots like the last government and their lickspittles and lackeys can lever them into jobs as soon as their kids are 3 and going down. I'm a believer in the two-parent family and women being valued as mothers not as bloody check-out girls.

I can see just by looking that the generality of women are stressed up and not happy and I think irresponsible men are the cause of it. And irresponsibilty in men is always associated with self-indulgence of their personal peccadilloes and an obsession with rabbiting about it and thus boring the backside of anybody within shouting range.

The impression I get is that they can't even think about anything else.

Just take a comparison with what women were like in the year Alphaville was made and decide for yourself whether Luc Godard's prediction of the ordinary woman, the actually salt of the bloody earth, as a uniformed zombie with her number tattooed on her neck and repeating a stock set of pleasantries in a monotone not much different than a speaking clock is actually coming true.

Not 5 years ago the barmaids in my pub had personalities. Not anymore. They are all in black uniforms now. Nothing like the blowsy blondes with the cleavages carrying a tray full of pints between the tables of merrymakers and getting goosed along the way as you sometimes see in historical dramas or old Benny Hill videos. One sort of gets the impression that shagging the modern barmaid is more a clinical experience that anything else.

I'm angry at that. Yes. Indeed I am. I'll admit it. And I do have a dislike, not a hatred, of those who brought it about and those who connived at it.

Or take the Soylent Green prediction of the ordinary woman being classed as "furniture". Not the few hundred posh ones who write their self-justifying drivel in your daily papers and have guards on the doorways where they work.

Go into a supermarket. The ordinary woman, the millions, look like shop fittings that move. They have labels on them saying "Patricia" or "Brenda"

"Good morning Sir" my arse.

They are trained to try to make me feel like an important and valued person.

How phoney do you want them to get?

I'm not a IVP by a long chalk. I'm a ******* asshole like all the other wankers they have to flatter. I could kiss the doorway of the place.

Only a pompous prick, given the biological facts, actually thinks that he's an IVP, a sort of madness obviously, probably caused by Mumsie, could possibly reply, especially as it makes no difference what he replies, "Good morning" and feel pleased with himself for being so familiar with a uniformed zombie half way to Luc Godard's image of the future.

I just stare into space and wish they didn't have to be there in order that a fraction of a penny could be shaved off the price of the items in the trolly, most of which are miraculous, which when added up over a year or so come to enough to buy a ticket to go see the Algonquin Hotel in NYC and cause a whole pile of dioxin like stuff, beside which shite is quite harmless, over the residents underneath the take-off and landing zones and cause a racket in artistic congruence with their big fat stupid egos.

Have you not seen Alphaville them?

Oh dear!

Were you too busy reading that shite in the Daily Shite.

Actually, the movie has a happy ending. Lemmy rescues the zombie and in the last scene is taking her back to where she belongs with the obvious intention of shagging her and seeing to it that she is properly looked after ever after whilst everything else falls apart as they escape.

Anybody who trusts the Daily Shite ahead of Jean Luc Godard has self-evidently had his brain mismanaged with some skill. He probably does the crossword puzzle too to while away another few hours on such satisfyingly flattering puzzles like "Capital city of France (5)".

"What's a woman like you doing in a dump like this?"

Bob Dylan.

They said he was a misogynist too. Guess who said it. The few hundred who write the Daily Shite of course and get themselves on the chat shows and Celebrity Ice Skating so they can flash their gusseted crotches at us and their cleavages which we can no longer touch.

Nice explanation, Spendy!

But I, for one, think not everything is lost. Fortunately, I can still see some dumb blondes with cute cleavages and they just smile at me if they want to.

And some who are not dumb, as we can have a nice talk beforehand (no pun intended).

Jean-Luc Godard's spirit is not completely dead..

Looking forward to Spendy not complaining and moaning again today.

Would he rather be in a Dickensian or Shakesperean never-never land where the barmaids did not wear name tags, did not have the opportunity to be organised in ASDAW, and would be certain to be grateful and smile at him as he goosed them?

Maybe he is against women, or anyone, taking part-time work. Maybe he does not think anyone is content to work at whatever they can get. Maybe he is unaware of the Rumanians, Bulgarians and Poles flocking over our borders eagerly to participate in the hell he describes.

Mac wrote-



That doesn't mean anything to me. Why might I prefer any days long gone? It's pointless and distracting to think about such a comparison. Had we lived then who would be ranting about it and who would be beaming over his petunias and thinking about his upcoming holiday in Bognor Regis? Stirring the **** I mean.

And I was using a bit of poetic license on the goosing. Alluding to scenes in those programmes we all like to watch. Nostalgia jazz.

I look at the women now. Bob Hope said that's what we were fighting for when he introduced Marilyn to the troops. Not the long gone damsels. They were the responsibility of others. Not me. Hardy's Tess is an incident. Not comparable with Luc Godard's chambermaid. She is a symbol.

I look at them closely. I wonder about them. I wonder about their lifestyles. What's it like to sit at a check-out for a shift passing items over a device which is incomprehensible to her and being phoney to everybody. I wonder what medicines she's on. Immodium maybe. Or whether she's from a Senecot family. Uppers. Rat poison. Operations, STDs. Where are her kids? What's she doing it for? Is it to pay for a holiday in the bloody sun. And the lotions to reduce the risk of skin cancer. To pay for her daughters ballet lessons maybe.

That portrayal of the chambermaid in Alphaville shook me. As Luc Godard intended I would be. Tarzan had come to fetch Jane back from her waltz in the magnetic fields. And she was "normal". All the chambermaids would be the same. All the check-out girls. Chocolate factory Turkish Delight line attendants.

And Cliff Richard is singing about a living doll. And remains a bachelor boy whilst sailing in serenity.

And here I am seeing her slowly materialise before my very eyes. Year after year. Me recognising in Proust's seaside girls girls I used to know myself. And we look to be half way to Luc Godard's chambermaid. Fancy making women wear uniforms. Mao did that. That North Korean twit as well.

Sociology is all about trends. Trends can be measured. There's a trend from no labels through one pinned on a uniform to a tattoo.

For sure there are good trends. But there's not much else to go for in them. A mobile phone that doubles as a bidet. You could resurrect the ring of confidence ad to sell them.

What starts trends? Greed I suppose. What direction are they going in? What's the result if they continue? What's the end result if they just keep going in line with trends in greed? Why would they stop if nobody does anything? Do we want to follow them to their logical conclusion? Is the increased efficiency worth the human cost? Can we easily forget the human cost? Are we not efficient enough. Isn't greed the one constant in all the ads? Whilst you are smugly saying that you're not influenced by ads you are subliminally being encouraged to get greedier. All the time. In the programmes too. Product placement is child's play.

Don't you have to rant to wake people up?

Who cares if the £ is going up and the GDP keeps growing if it's no bloody good to anybody except the stiffs taking the credit whilst the NHS gets busier and busier. Shouldn't the NHS be getting put out of business with all this health advice we get?

And you can't say that the drift towards Luc Godard's chambermaid has not taken place and is moving in her direction.

So what's going to stop it?

And I don't know. Knowing about the direction of the drift is a start.

Can't get butter flavour popcorn anywhere and I'm not happy about it.

O fortunate Womanhood, to have such a champion as our Spendy.

I bet he's a tranny.

How much?

Fiver?

Preston.

Shoppers threatening to boycott a Preston Mall amid anger at smoking ban on it's car park!

God knows how many thousand cars a day drive on there spewing out pure poison, the poor punters can't walk out of the store light a fag up and walk to their cars now!

Penalty a £50..00 fine and banned from shopping in the complex for six months!

A spokesman for the centre said the intention was to make the car park 'pleasant for everyone'

There will be trumping wardens on the streets within two years I'm thinking!


Lancashire's Chief Fire Officer has called for manufacturers to develop self extinguishing cigarettes to reduce the number of fatal house fires in the County.

The special cigarettes which are already on sale in Canada and the US of A put themselves out when thrown away, meaning carelessly discarded cigarettes are unlikely to set light to furniture.

He added, it would of course be much safer if people didn't smoke, but if they have to, safer cigarettes are needed.

Are you a careless oaf with your fag ends Spendi?