THE BRITISH THREAD II

Don't you know Steve?

You do surprise me!

I'll tell you when I'm perfectly sober, tonight I'm a little pissed on Brandy and Port, I'm entitled to be, a good friend of mine got blown to pieces in the Burmese mountains a few hours ago!

But he lived!

Even down to the condensed milk, I always took him, he lived!

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I'm tippling on a bottle of The Famous Grouse Liqueur. Well, I pour it into a glass first.

Sorry to hear about the Burmese guy.

I'd like to go to Burma and Nepal, but when will it be safe enough?

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Is the only reason someone who gets blown to pieces and lives in Burma is more important than the people who get blown up and don't live that it provides Mathos with a photo opportunity to do his vicarious macho preen again?

The "I've been to Burma and you silly sods are stuck in your hovels because you're useless" trick.

Stick a resume of your assets up and lets get it over with otherwise it might go on until the end of time what with one thing and another.

We are ordinary Joes. You are the Big Mon. We understand. We've got it. Now deal the bloody cards.

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It must be terrible for these rich folk having to go to bed and being just like the rest of us for 8 hours. I wouldn't mind betting they have an alarm clock to reduce the period then they can get back at highlighting their superiority.

And it looks such hard work and repetitive too. Same idea in multi-faceted variations.

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Mathos wrote:

Don't you know Steve?

You do surprise me!

I'll tell you when I'm perfectly sober, tonight I'm a little pissed on Brandy and Port, I'm entitled to be, a good friend of mine got blown to pieces in the Burmese mountains a few hours ago!

But he lived!

Even down to the condensed milk, I always took him, he lived!

well I'm sorry to hear that really

not sure I understand the condensed milk

but condensed alcohol is quite appropriate in those circumstances.

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Well I have heard of some good excuses for having a piss-up in my time but I never before came across one that relied upon a "good friend", whatever that means apart from "I'm an internationally popular sort of guy", being blown to pieces. And actually living as well.

It seems to me that some sort of resolution to eschew alcohol had a need to be set aside and the "good friend" being nearly "blown to pieces" fitted the bill.

Actually Mathos, alcohol is very bad for you, as you will shortly discover now that the fags are no good for aggravating everybody any longer, and you really shouldn't succumb to its attractions with such a tame excuse as the one you have proferred. It leads inevitable to one's including "acquaintances" next when you run out of "good friends" being almost "blown to pieces" in Burma, or any Tom Dick or Harry's misfortunes, into your rationalisations and the slippery slope to alcoholism and debauched degeneracy beckons like the gaping maw of the giant monster with the big teeth.

You could have been saved from this nightmare scenario simply by throwing your moblie phone into a ditch.

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Such strange opinions being expressed here.

Spendy I think you're being a total a-hole.

I'd guess that "your" pub being empty is nothing to do with the smoking ban.

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Saw this this morning, and I don't know why, it just made me smile:

A group of young Scottish musicians are stranded in Lourdes without their instruments, after they were lost by British Airways.
The volunteers arrived in the French town to discover that their drums, keyboards and microphones had been scattered around the globe, in Texas, Russia and Oman.
The incident is the latest in a series of baggage failures this summer by BA, which at one stage was facing a backlog of 20,000 missing items.
The latest victims are a group of 70 teenagers from the St Margaret's of Scotland youth group, Glasgow.
They are in Lourdes on a week-long trip to assist the archdiocese at its annual pilgrimage, by performing music for the sick.
Last Thursday they flew to Toulouse from Glasgow, via Gatwick, but arrived to find 23 bags of equipment were missing.
Five days later they are still without 11 bags of equipment, and the group is set to return this weekend. Michael Canning, 49, group leader, said it would be a miracle if they received the instruments in time to perform.

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There is something very comforting about the consistency of the characters here.

Mornin' all.

Very Happy

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spendius wrote:

Well I have heard of some good excuses for having a piss-up in my time but I never before came across one that relied upon a "good friend", whatever that means apart from "I'm an internationally popular sort of guy", being blown to pieces. And actually living as well.

It seems to me that some sort of resolution to eschew alcohol had a need to be set aside and the "good friend" being nearly "blown to pieces" fitted the bill.

Actually Mathos, alcohol is very bad for you, as you will shortly discover now that the fags are no good for aggravating everybody any longer, and you really shouldn't succumb to its attractions with such a tame excuse as the one you have proferred. It leads inevitable to one's including "acquaintances" next when you run out of "good friends" being almost "blown to pieces" in Burma, or any Tom Dick or Harry's misfortunes, into your rationalisations and the slippery slope to alcoholism and debauched degeneracy beckons like the gaping maw of the giant monster with the big teeth.

You could have been saved from this nightmare scenario simply by throwing your moblie phone into a ditch.

There are times, many times you thick dense pig, when I think you are thicker and denser than even I give you credit for!

He's dead:- blown into a great number of pieces, animal and insect food no doubt.

The He lived reference was to his life! He lived. He didn't exist on a f'ing sofa watching telly, supping cans of beer, smoking fags, (although he did smoke and drink) and watching cricket. He was about 53 years of age and he lived..Oh yes and there are a few more just like him!

Steve

The condensed milk was special, it was a bonus on top of medication and important items which I have taken to camps on many occasions! A can of condensed to sweeten and flavour your coffee is like nectar to an occidental, believe me! Those cups are very special, it's something you only really understand the meaning of when you have experienced it in those natural conditions. There is also the the sacred act of fingering the can out to the last possible drop and licking it up!

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What was your mate doing out in Burma to get blown up?

Hope you've got a clearer head and will tell me your view of the real reason for invading Iraq.

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off now to a funeral service.

41 year old mother of 3 year old twins. Cancer.

Leaves my friend to bring them up on his own.

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Mathos wrote-

Quote:

He didn't exist on a f'ing sofa watching telly, supping cans of beer, smoking fags, (although he did smoke and drink) and watching cricket.

Which is a great pity really.

Quote:

The condensed milk was special, it was a bonus on top of medication and important items which I have taken to camps on many occasions!

Have you ever read the bill of lading when The Bounty was being readied for its voyage to the South Atlantic. A whole hold full of gifts for the natives to try to ensure their co-operation. Glass beads by the barrel full.

Are you trying to make bleeding-heart socialists feel guilty?

Are you not aware of what the psychologists think about such things as you describe. All of them. Don't ask Germaine Greer unless you want your eyebrows singeing. You patronising shitehawk.

And what about the British worker who made the condensed milk and the medication and the important items and provided the transport for you. Does he not get any credit? I hardly think you could have managed the feat without him.

Mac wrote-

Quote:

Spendy I think you're being a total a-hole.

Explain to me Mac what the point would be of being labelled as you have labelled me if I then don't behave the way you suggest.

What exactly are you objecting to? Have you never experienced straight talking before? Are you a ballroom dancer type?

The most dramatic difference in the pub since the ban came in is the almost total absence of women. The only one who comes in at all regularly now sits outside under a large umbrella.

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Look what Mathos has left on the Acronym thread.

Quote:

It's natural sweetheart, undressing loosens inhibitions NONCHALANTLY.

Aside from being a useless effort which I readily forgive him for because he's a bit thick, he has 7 words to choose from to leave the next poster with and, true to form, up comes the only one with the "Y" in it and nobody has bothered with it yet.

So he has to take cans of condensed milk out to Burma, and make sure everybody knows about it, to try to prove he's a nice guy because he's such an asshole at home and we don't even know whether he did take the can out there but we do know he left another sodding "Y" on for us to deal with or let the game die. That's the only fact we can be sure of.

What a plonker.

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You know Spendi, you really are the type of person only a mother could love!

And you obviously don't have one.

I could bring some of your acronyms up and we could all laugh continuously, I think one player on the Trivia threads recently referred to your efforts as comparable to those of a ten year old! He was right too, but he is not aware, as I am that your particular breed were never gifted with much in the brain department at all!

There are times when your rantings and meanderings remind me of a maiden with menopause problems! Your comprehension, understanding, response and wit have at times as much to do with the subject as Marks and Spencers, Laurel and Hardy or Freeman Hardy & Willis. You do have a tendency to become paranoid, delusional, chronically psychotic, simply because the ball is not running down your line (it rarely does) coupling these abnormalities with your present disposition regarding the smoke free, brand new world, it reacts quite humorously to the outsiders looking in.

The esoteric values of the privileged spectators who are chuckling merrily away at your childish outbursts and diversities are indeed gilt edged.

Like I have said to you before Spendius, I will pay for your ticket, and take you with me up into those jungles.

Once there you can open the can of condensed!

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Steve 41oo wrote:

What was your mate doing out in Burma to get blown up?

Hope you've got a clearer head and will tell me your view of the real reason for invading Iraq.

To your first question Steve, he was doing what he loved to do, it's as simple as that, the details and job description were his concern as far as I am concerned, unfortunately he is no longer here and that is a great pity.

With regards to Iraq:- Many consider that Bush Snr made a grave mistake in not pursuing the defeated Iraq army ousted from Kuwait, all the way to Baghdad and overthrowing Sadam.

This created a figurative backlash at home and especially amongst the Texan Oil Barons who would have loved the opportunity to get their hands on some of those wells.

The consideration is that following the attack on the Twin Towers and subsequent invasion of Afghanistan, Bush Jnr. thought he could put right daddies big goof and get away with this illegal war on a foreign soil!

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Mathos wrote-

Quote:

I could bring some of your acronyms up and we could all laugh continuously

Oh do please. Don't just say you "could". Get on with it. My last 20 should provide Brit thread viewers with an idea of how skilled and witty I am in that particular game especially when compared to your easy to do efforts.

The rest of that post is mere bombast and bluster with no meaning outside of your cast-iron noggin.

What is your excuse for putting up another "Y" on Acronyms, the only fact around here, when you know very well it inhibits other players. Do you do it on purpose or are you too thick to notice. And why do you use that enhanced Gothic script so favoured in the Third Reich to highlight your chosen word when most other players content themselves with ordinary capitals which serve the purpose sufficiently well.

I consider entering jungles unless expressly concerned with Her Majesty's business as the hallmark of a complete wassock. And, according to Theodore Reik in Masochism in Modern Man with whom I wholeheartedly agree, downright kinky. And I consider leaving this country, outside of duty, to be a betrayal of Lady Fortune whose kindness granted me the inestimable privilege of being born here.

Quote:

To your first question Steve, he was doing what he loved to do, it's as simple as that, the details and job description were his concern as far as I am concerned, unfortunately he is no longer here and that is a great pity.

Well- if he has licked condensed milk off your fingertips you must have known what he did and your reticence in that regard suggests we might not approve of it. Somebody seems to have taken exception to his activities. And that's assuming the story is true.

Quote:

With regards to Iraq:- Many consider that Bush Snr made a grave mistake in not pursuing the defeated Iraq army ousted from Kuwait, all the way to Baghdad and overthrowing Sadam.

That is the sort of thing one often hears from the Brigade of Armchair Warriors whose knowledge of miliatry logistics, tactics and battle-zone topography is derived from John Wayne movies and comics.

Quote:

This created a figurative backlash at home and especially amongst the Texan Oil Barons who would have loved the opportunity to get their hands on some of those wells.

As I would and I should imagine most of us also.

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Come on Spendius or have I to go back to Spendipus! My grannies cat could hit harder than that!

Come on, let rip you big soft warbler, ram a few role ups in your gob three up your arse and get fuming on me!

Are you ill?

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Good news folks.

At last the great phone-in rip off has been exposed.

I am proud to say that I fought it from its very beginnings in the 80's while everybody sat on their hands and called me names.

The Bloody Rip-off Lottery will be next I hope.

The very idea that we send people to university at great expense to learn how to rip the linings out of the pockets and handbags of the ordinary people who paid for their education is one of the great scandals of the last thirty years. And to bring discredit upon the charitable work of dedicated people is, in my view, on a whole other level to anything Mr Black might have done.

Fancy allowing telephone suppliers to give a kick-back to those who generate phone calls out of thin air and presenting them with television time to do it. It's as if they don't understand human nature.

You're television. What your licence fee pays for.

It's the same bunch which has banned smoking in pubs. They are trying to get you to sit in front of the telly more.

I read of one bloke who spent £200 trying to become a contestant on Millionaire. Like Lord Thompson famously said- "It's a licence to print money." And if that's not illegal it's hard to know what is.

Let's hope they get the steam cleaners in.

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many tears today

about 200 people at the crematorium

I couldnt go to the memorial service

I never met sandra but Chris is a good buddy and we will do all we can for the kids

The reverend/vicar person gave the usual platitudes. not that he wastn sincere, just that I was wobbling on the cusp of fatalism and extreme anger.

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THE BRITISH THREAD II

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