THE BRITISH THREAD II

This has to be the worst Scottish accent ever. It's not so noticeable when it's the odd word and phrase, but a long speech like this puts really your teeth on edge.

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Mellifluous and soothing, I found it. Funny.

It was indeed mellifluous ... and funny. I liked the parts about spelling whiskey right and not knowing how to run a country right.

Don't you mean whisky?

From Littlejohn.......



How would Bonnie Prince Wallace the Bruce vote? Chad Hanging for Eye-Witness News, Palm Beach, exposes the farce of the referendum

With just two days until Scotland votes on independence, let’s cross to Eye-Witness News, Palm Beach, for an international perspective . . .



Good morning, America, how are ya? This is your favourite son, Chad Hanging, with another three hours of news you can use. Our top story today comes from Scotlandland, where people are deciding whether to break away from the United Kingdom. We go live to our chief foreign correspondent, Brit Limey, in Edinburl.

Good morning, Chad. I’m standing here in the Athens of the North

I thought you were in Edinburl.

I am, Chad.

But isn’t Athens in Georgia?

That’s a different Athens, Chad. There’s one in Greece, too, where the Greeks come from. I’m reporting from Athens, Scotlandland. They call Edinburl the Athens of the North.

Why Athens?

Beats me, Chad. The Duke of Edinburl is also known as Phil the Greek, so perhaps that’s got something to do with it. And plenty of people are saying Scotlandland will end up bankrupt like Greece if it votes Yes to independence.

Is that likely to happen?

Too close to call, Chad.

What are the big issues?

The Yes camp want home rule for Scotlandland.

Like, their own Parliament?

They’ve already got that, Chad. But the President of Scotlandland, Alan Salmon, says he wants to be able to raise taxes and stop Conservative politicians in Englandland privatising the National Health Service.

Can they do that?

No. The NHS in Scotlandland is already run from Edinburl. And Scots also enjoy generous welfare benefits like free care for the elderly and free university education, which they don’t have in Englandland.

Who pays for that?

Taxpayers in Englandland. Salmon actually has the power to raise or lower taxes in Scotlandland but has never used it.

Why not?

Because until now he hasn’t had to. Scotlandland only raises £45 billion a year in taxes but receives £62 billion in public spending. That’s a £17 billion subsidy from the rest of the UK.

Sounds like a good deal to me.

It is, Chad. But Salmon and the nationalists want full independence.

So if there’s a Yes vote, Salmon would become head of state and Scotlandland would get its own currency, like other sovereign nations?

Er, no. Salmon wants to keep the Queen and carry on using the pound.

How does the Queen feel about that?

No idea. She’s doesn’t get a say, even though she’s half-Scottish. But the Bank of Englandland insist he can’t keep the pound.

So what’s in it for the people of Scotlandland?

Search me, Chad.

And what about the No campaign, Brit? How are they trying to persuade people?

They’re promising that if there’s a No vote, the Scottish Government will be given more power.

Don’t you mean if there’s a Yes vote?

No, I mean No.

But if people vote against independence, surely they’re happy with things as they are?

You’d have thought so, Chad.

So why offer more power to persuade people to vote No? Who’s bright idea was that?

Norman Brown.

President Norman Brown of Englandland?

He’s not President any more.

So how does he get the authority to give Scotlandland more power?

He doesn’t, Chad. He’s not even leader of the Opposition Labor Party. That’s a guy called Steve Millerband.

The Space Cowboy?

Space cadet, more like.

How does Millerband propose to keep Scotlandland in the UK?

He wants Labor Town Halls in Englandland to fly the Scottish Saltire.

Is that going make a difference?

Shouldn’t have thought so, Chad. Most of them refuse to fly the Union Jack. And before they could fly the Saltire, they’d have to take down the Palestinian Hamas flag first.

Where’s the new President of Englandland in all this? What’s his name again?

Call Me Dave.

Why should I call you Dave, Brit?

No, that’s his nickname. His real name’s Cameron. Like Cameron Diaz.

Cameron? That sounds Scottish.

It is. His dad was born in Scotlandland. The last three Presidents of Englandland all have Scottish roots. And Scottish MPs get to vote at Westminster on English affairs, but English MPs don’t get to vote on what happens in Scotlandland.

Seems to me like Scotlandland runs Englandland, not the other way round. Maybe Englandland should become independent instead.

Some people think it should. There’s a guy called Deadwood who wants to set up an English Parliament. Cameron would like to keep the UK intact but he hasn’t really campaigned in Scotlandland because they hate him up here in Edinburl.

But you said his father was Scottish.

It’s the English half they hate.

Why did Cameron agree to this in the first place? Sounds like Salmon has run rings round him.

You can say that again, Chad. Some people think he should resign if there’s a Yes vote.

And will he?

Probably not. No one who screws up in public life in Englandland resigns any more. Gentlemen used to retire to their study with a loaded service revolver and a bottle of single malt Scotch whisky. After Thursday, Cameron will probably claim he can’t get the Scotch.

Talk us through some of the celebrities involved in this campaign. How are they lining up?

Sir Sean Connolly is backing the Yes campaign.

The James Bond guy, right? He lives in Scotland?

No, Sir Connolly lives in the Bahamas. And for the No campaign, there’s the comedian Sir Billy Connery. Before you ask, Chad, he lives in New York. And Sir David Beckingham, the former Los Angeles Galaxy soccer player, is also urging Scots to vote No.

Is Sir Beckingham Scottish?

No, he’s English and is moving to Miami soon.

How has the campaign been conducted, Brit?

It’s been colourful, Chad. Supporters of the Yes campaign have been painting their faces blue and white like Bonnie Prince Wallace the Bruce in Braveheart. And as this historic vote goes down to the wire, passions are running high. All police leave has been cancelled in the run-up to the vote.

Things are getting nasty?

You can say that again. There’s been widespread abuse and intimidation aimed at those who favour a No vote.

Who’s responsible?

Cybermen.

The Cybermen, from Doctor Who on BBC America?

Affirmative, Chad.

The Cybermen get a vote in Scotlandland?

Yes, they do. So do Germans, Poles, Lithuanians, Romanians, everyone over 16 who lives in Scotlandland.

They let kids vote at 16?

Yep. Alan Salmon thinks they’ll be more likely to vote for independence.

What about people born in Scotlandland who now live in Englandland?

They don’t get a vote, Chad. No one in the rest of the United Kingdom gets a vote.

Run that by me again, Brit. The vast majority of the people in the United Kingdom are being denied a vote on whether to break up the United Kingdom?

That’s correct.

So the future of the United Kingdom could be decided by Poles, Lithuanians, Romanians and a few thousand schoolchildren?

Got it in one, Chad.

That would be like letting Mexicans, Nicaraguans and Colombians decide on whether Texas should leave the United States.

I guess so.

Holy guacamole!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2757143/LITTLEJOHN-How-Bonnie-Prince-Wallace-Bruce-vote-Chad-Hanging-Eye-Witness-News-Palm-Beach-exposes-farce-referendum.html

Leaving aside the reports from the anti-EU and ant-Scotland media ...

... an opinion @ DWconcludes that it is an historic change for Scotland and Europe could only benefit from such a member. And reuters writes t Salmond is a likely winner whichever way Scots vote on independence.

Littlejohn really? Bloody "Hell In A Handcart, I Hate Gays," Littlejohn.

A very good article in The Guardian today by Ian Jack. He expresses something very close to my position, had I but the historical perspective, the breadth of scope and the words to express it.
I had time to read it all (it's rather long) in a waiting room this morning. He's bang on.

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/commentisfree/2014/sep/16/-sp-is-this-the-end-of-britishness

And in another interesting article in the same paper, Aditya Chakrabortty quotes

"an email I received from the head of the global strategy team at Société Générale. It argues that a yes vote would lay bare the fact that, without Scotland’s oil exports, the rest of the UK simply doesn’t pay its way in the world – and so independence would see “sterling quite rightly plunge into the abyss”.

The pre-poll donations and loans report by the Electoral Commission gives some insights, too: the pro-union campaign raised almost a million pounds more in funding than the “yes” camp.

Thanks for this. I've been doing a lot of reading and trying to wrap my head around both sides of the debate. The closest I could come was the reaction here when folks from Texas want to secede from the union. Many non-Texans would tell them to go right ahead, if not for their oil. I think the vote in Texas, should it ever come to pass, might approach the 50-50 mark you're seeing in Scotland.

The difference to Texas is that Scotland has been independent most of the time of its existence and only 300 years part of the Union.

I do think Scottish people will (and must) take responsibility for their decisions - with a lot of information ... hopefully got not just by buying the Daily Mail and Murdoch media and taking part in sensationalist phone-ins on shockjock radio.

True, but the 10 year period of independence in Texas (1836 - 1845) still hold sway in the hearts of many Texans. Even then, though, the Comanches had other ideas. I'm not trying to turn the discussion away from the locals, but we do have the occasional spike in calls for Tx independence here and I think the reactions would be similar should it ever come to pass.

I'm seeing a lot of reaction against the recent negative(?) campaigning by Cameron, large business, and outside influence. Here's a piece from NPR yesterday.

http://www.npr.org/2014/09/16/348782242/will-scotland-vote-to-cut-the-cord

True. And, whatever the outcome, nearly half of the people will be unhappy.

If someone moved 100 miles away, to the U.S., I'd say they have no right to vote in Canada, regardless of ancestry or relatives remaining in Canada.

If they moved 400 miles away, to Quebec, I'd say they have to right to vote in Ontario, regardless of ancestry or relatives remaining in Ontario.

I rescinded my rights as a German citizen as soon as I was legally able to. I don't live there.

this is what happened in Quebec when independence was threatened in the 1970's. It's never really recovered financially.

That's what I'm thinking most about: how will people get together again ... if not enough vote for independence? The gap between these nations will be even larger than before, I fear.

The real irony is that this situation never needed to have come about!
Once the SNP formed a government in Scotland, a referendum became inevitable. But Salmond wanted a third option "devomax" because he knew that was far more likely to win than independence.
So Cameron called his bluff and insisted the referendum question was to be "independence or not?". He was very confident the Scots would vote 'no' and by that ending Salmond's government and any further idea of Scottish independence ...

... now offering Scotland nearly more than Salmond originally wanted.

Which will make the Welsh and Northern Ireland government a bit "curious", too.

America is a different country from Canada. Scotland is (for the time being at least) part of the same country.