THE BRITISH THREAD II

Wotsa doxie ? Is it a dock worker ? I wish scotsmen would learn the Queen's english....

Phil isnt....he's Greek.

English bowlers doing a splendid job on 2nd day. With one session to go after tea they got the Aussies at 5/168 Why play foreigners in your team, Pietersen belongs in South Africa, despite his moustache.

You know the story:

Where do English cricketers stay when in South Africa?

With their parents!

Go Mr Cricket!

Don't be mean spends - I only meant it as a little tease, though looking at it now, it reads as sarky...

Sorry chuck, it wasn't meant as such.

x

I was just testing to see if your "Ooooh!" s are the real thing.

I don't mind refined ladies of superior position such as yourself smorgsie having no respect for men and their doings. In fact I see it as right and proper. Scientific facts being what they are I have little respect for ladies who think otherwise.

It's legendary in the steamy world of sexual politics that we men are, like carrots, cheap and plentiful and easily cooked. And I have to admit that it is not a totally unfanciable proposition even without Professor Greer announcing it to the world as if she had made a great discovery. It does tend to take intellectual college ladies a long while to get the hang of it. That might be why we send them to college in the first place. But that's a subject for another day eh?

Thus when Andrew Strauss scores a century for England, which we are hoping he does tomorrow, it makes us feel a little better about ourselves. Or at least until they show his wife clapping and beaming with self satisfaction in the VIP section of the pavillion. Which brings us down to earth.

Which is where carrots grow. And they are cheap, and they are plentiful and a few minutes in the pressure cooker they go soft.

Spendi you should sleep better tonight, Strauss and co. redeemed themselves today and earned themselves at least a draw I feel. Well done! I think we lack a spinner of Warne's class.

I hear it is cold over there....lucky you didnt go fully metric, it would have been even colder.

I've heard from my friends in Howden that it's snowing over there right now. I'm so envious - why doesn't it snow out here?

Nah. When it's cold, it's cold. When it's minus 40, they're both the same, and that's real cold.

Pretty cold here this morning, the windows were iced up on the inside.

So I had a fried egg after my porridge.

Chap stick. Is there anything better on God's green earth?

I wonder what they did in the olden days, before it was invented and so conveniently packaged.

They probably used tallow or goose grease.

Okay I'll just talk to myself, then.

The north wind doth blow
And we shall have snow
And what will poor Smorgie do then, poor thing?
She'll stay in her bed
And cover her head
And dream what tomorrow might bring, ding-a-ling,
And dream what tomorrow may bring.

This works better if you know the original, but still, it's not very good.
Now it's started snowing heavily outside here. Is this my fault?

aelo Mc,

Me stayed in the UK (Darlington) for 2 years and couldnt witness snow even once.

So now is it my fault that it snows heavily in the UK, after my departure?

Yes Vinny, it's all your fault.

Hmmmm... I feel warm and guilty.

Did you pee in the pool ?

There speaks the voice of experience.

Where's Spendy? Is he sick, or merely jaded and weary of the world?

I was once thrown out for peeing in the pool. I argued everybody does it. They countered with "not from the high-diving board".
Have you seen some pools where they put in a chemical dye so you can see if someone pees in the pool ? It reacts with urine and produces a big bloom of colour. I think we should flood the atmosphere with something like that so we can see who farted.

I was thinking the very same about you lot after my last post was found uninteresting.



Would it persist? Considering the number of farts since life began perhaps our eyes have evolved to see through the bloom of colour and we don't notice it.

Your posts are always interesting, though not always comprehensible.
I was so gobsmacked by the last I didn't know what to say.

It has often been asked, "Why do farts smell?"
And the answer is of course, for the benefit of the deaf.