THE BRITISH THREAD II

As a gentleman is talking about glands it might be best to suffer in dignified horror and plead ignorance untill the conversation returns to something more decorative, such as wars, rape and general violence. When asked if I am on the recieving end of a gland, I am obliged to dignify it with a response. That response should be as brief as possible and yet be a sound reaffirmation of the facts. I do not "get" a "gland" especially one headed in the "in" direction. I blame such questions and even concepts coming from an Englishman as the fault of the Chunnel, a bad idea proved worse.

What's a "lady's gland" a euphemism for?

Regarding Greece--I remember reading in Jack Lindsay's The Ancient World that only 18% of Greece can be brought under cultivation. Which means that if the birth rate in the non-cultivated areas increases there is a population drift to the south. A sort of bulge not unlike that one sees in a gossamer balloon with a small quantity of liquid inside it. This then runs into the difficulty a government faces in keeping people employed as an alternative to general disorder. Hence the large scale over-manning, or over-womaning in case any feminists are reading this, which has over-reached. Some occupations are said to have four or five times the staff they need.

A gentleman. Lady's dont have a gland. They have a lack of a gland which is why they want one. This is know as glandular envy. Feminists are too ugly to get their own, so they spend their time telling other women who have one that they are wrong to want one. The error of these other women is the fault of men.

A woman invented the bra and it was deemed practical by women. Feminists demanded other women burn their bras because of men. As liberated women everywhere ran to catch their liberated bus on their way to their liberated work, there was a sharp increase in the number of concusive and abdominal injuries due to a lack of bras. Other women went back to bras, but men have been regarded with a great deal of suspicion ever since.

All of this has resulted in a sharp increase in the underemployment of glands. All we can do is hope for an sudden plague of glandular fever in women.

That can easily be produced. One merely needs to be more generous combined with lowering one's standards.

This should make ladies cry..

Other than they have overgrown lacrimal glands, the very nature of the comment is quite misogysnist..

nearly easter again

a fitting time for new posts eg.

gland handing for beginners and such

I'm gland I read Portnoy's Complaint.

I think spendius was having a dig at McT by the use of the word Lad. It was humuor on several levels. Lad(english term) ....Lad-y (scottish term). I pretended to ignore it, as it amuses me if there is a joke and only some "geddit".

Thank you George. I feel very flattered to be singled out by such an important and experienced person such as you have not so subtly made yourself out to be.

I presume that those of my posts that you don't enjoy, those that give you a pain in the ass, are badly written and confused and betray signs of dementia aggravated by alcohol rather than that they might be undermining some fondly held and longstanding opinion of your own. With me being in the "having my head patted" position I had better endeavour to put on the appearance that it is the former and that I am privileged to be addressed with such words of wisdom and in such a dignified a manner.

If you will be so kind as to point out one of the posts that gave you a pain in the ass I will see what I can do to explain what I meant and hopefully assuage the sad state it has placed you in. If that isn't possible I recommend Auntie Bessie's emollient grease-goose gel which comes in handy sized jars and is sold at all reputable pharmacies and is fragrantly scented with the essence of extract of wild thistle juice.

I don't buy that "penis envy" rubbish. It's just a trick some trick-cylists thought up to explain the behaviour of female clients whose behaviour had caused them to seek expensive advice.

How could anybody who hasn't taken leave of their senses envy a penis. There are penises in every pub in the land, and in many other places, which have been extremely disadvantageous to their owners. And they look so ridiculous too and especially on cold frosty mornings.

In my own case I am only glad I have one because it's a fair bet I would have looked like my sisters with the other outcome at the rat-race interface which has been shown many times on TV, and not only in science programmes, and that wouldn't do at all. Had I been the brother of Annette Bening, say, as she was in the Valmont movie, I would seriously reconsider the position.

By definition a hole is the abscence of its surrounding. Women do not have a sex organ. They surround a hole. They dont even like their own hole. It menstruates, it smells like low tide, and it is not a stand alone object. If they want security, babies and a sex life, they need a penis. A penis is usually dry and can be handled without a sticky mess. Many women enjoy the way it grows and like to see it ejaculate, and even more so like to feel it do both.

I dont think women want to be men (well except for feminists), but they definitely want a penis.

You have just provided an excellent example.

For crying out loud, this is turning into the Vagina Monologues.! And no Smorgs!

Away with gynaecological guesswork. Let's get back to complaining, football, betting, and appreciation of fish and chips in greasy newspaper, fitting topics for The British Thread.

I like Vaginas !!

Anyway, your tirade didnt even have a scottish accent. You should have said "Luts gut bark tew hagis beer and fushing. New thats er topic !!

I thoucht tha's whutt ah sedd.

I have never tasted hot beer. I imagine it is like milo with urine in it. Is it still popular over there or have they realised the error of their ways and now drink cold beer ?

Cold beer, which is what made Milwaukee famous and made a loser out of most Americans because they don't know what real beer tastes like, is beer which has been pasteurised (to stop the fermantation process) and chilled for storage and transportation.

Real beer is beer in which the process of fermentation is allowed to continue, and is kept in cellars so is at cellar temperature. Not warm, not too cold, just nice.

It is obviously a more difficult product to keep and serve while it's at its peak of condition. It can go "off", unlike chilled lager beers. It requires skill and know-how from the pub owner. That's why the American market traditionally has not liked it (because it requires trained staff, and there is more wastage) but encouragingly there are now many micro-breweries here and there in the States making something like the real thing.

Slainte!

Ever have an ice-cold lager poured from the tap into an iced mug from the freezer, to where you get beer-ice floating? Yummy.


A Guinness served cold is horrible. I always ask the server at what temperature do they keep their Guinness, and invariably they boast, "We keep it ice-cold, sir!" Yuck.


Do you share Spendi's view that John Smith's Extra Smooth is a good example of the "real thing"? I've not tried it, but the reviewers at Beer Advocate give it an unimpressive "C+".

No, I don't care for John Smith's (although any beer starts to taste better after three pints). I quite like Timothy Taylor's, but in the pubs round here there are always low-volume production "guest" beers available, which are all different, and all nice.

If I may make an observation, it would be that I think this "cold" nonsense is just advertisers making a virtue out of a necessity. The low temperature stops the drinker's taste sensors working properly, so any crap can be served up, and the product kept at those temperatures and under these conditions will last as long as the mammoths in permafrost. More profit to the brewers.

I agree, in part. The most heinous beer tastes decent if served cold enough. Now, can you explain to me why that is anything other than an endorsement for serving beer cold?