THE BRITISH THREAD II

I'm on my lunch. Just had an egg mayo butty...

You know what this means dontcha?

x

You're still bloody hungry......

Nice bike ride to-day!

Set off from Southport, cycled to Chorley, over the tops of Anglezarke and Belmonte. Carried on into Blackburn, down through Salmsbury towards Preston, veered off through Broughton, St. Michaels and into Blackpool by the air-port road. Seven and three quarter hours. Including two stops for a bit of grub and drinks. A couple of stops for grass watering and No punctures. Sixteen of us set off five of us finished. Driven back home in the baxck of a transit van, bike and all.

Thinking of doing a speed run at back end of year for charity, not sure about it yet, depends on fitness levels reached. John O'Groats to Manchester, in a race..Hope you lot will be willing to donate fifty pence a mile or so? Expecting a quid a mile off you Spendi. A few hundred quid for a worthy cause isn't a bad notion is it you pipe cleaner spindly legged {according to Mac} critter?

What you doing so much moaning for smorgsi, a jobs a job isn't it?

Hope your bollocks are killing ya, mathos!

x

My bloody arse is!

Must have small bollocks then...

x

And a big (hairy) arse!

x

Gotta look after the bollocks smorgsi, so I wear a jock-strap, very important issue them bollocks!

So much I could say...

But the smut-o-meter would go off the scale.

I have my reputation to preserve and I wouldn't want to sully my saintly womanhood, now would I?

x

Mathos-

I've a better idea.

Sell your bike. It'll be a thousand quider for sure. Sell all your kit which is no doubt fashionably fanciful and your sweaty vests and your unmentionables will fetch a fortune on e-bay when the ladies find out whose body has fouled them. Cancel your annual Far-eastern excuse to provide stories about your all round excellence. Downgrade your motor-car, knock off the dining out in country restaurants and with a few other luxuries eschewed you would have a lot more than a "few hundred quid for a worthy cause". And no worries about your fitness levels.

Go rattle your tin at your own front door. Charity collectors of that sort are simply people who want to draw attention to themselves and can't think of any other way. A woman in our pub shaved her head at a quid a mug. A few of us offered her a fiver for a nathandjosie each but her concern for the unfortunates she was patronising was insufficient for her to contemplate such a difficult task.

Charity begins at home.

Your saintly Spendius, like St Peter!

Bike cost me £50..00 {Get that:- fifty pounds} Second hand Bill Nicholson Tourer about ten years old. The guy I bought it off reckoned he'd paid about £400..00 for it new. Apart from that the next expensive outlay was a new cape at £31..99 so it's good fun at low level costing. If I do the John O'Groats run though, I'll probably buy one of them new new tourers though, have it hand built, special case that would be and would cost over £2K you ignorant fart! Downgrade my motor car! What for? I like the finer qualities of life Spendi and be it the Merc, Jag or Bentley, it's the quality that counts. What do you drive, a Reliant Robin?

Come on Spendi, you tight fisted blithering effortless bag of bones, get adventurous. I did a few parachute jumps for charity in my younger days. This cycling job is good fun, it's getting me fitter too. Been racing with one of the grandsons and his mates, now my age versus fifteen and sixteen year olds and holding my own is quite good in my book. It's better than watching cricket like a lazy bastard in Yorkshire on a big old sofa, and supping them out of date John Smiths! Isn't it?

How much ya gonna give arsehole, a quid a mile is a fair enough request to one of your outstanding calibre, isn't it!!!!!

Smorgsi

You were right about the arse though, very hairy, big too I suppose, great for knocking pegs in they tell me! :wink:

Oh, how coarse!

x

I pissed myself laughing at that one!


dunna dunna dunna dunna BATMATH!

x

I wonder if Spendi resembles the Penguin character? :wink:

Okay Mothy-

You have a cheap bike. You shouldn't oil it you know and that makes it easier to pedal and that's counterproductive for physical exercise. It's supposed to be hard. That's why I avoid it. I'm not a masochist. I'm a big softie and the right person could twiddle me round her little-finger pandering to my indulgencies.

Sell the car and cancel the photo op in Thailand. Let's see you make a sacrifice for your charity. Indulging your masochism in long bike rides is making an orgy for it. That's no sacrifice and neither is being thought overflowing with the milk of human kindness. You get two kicks up the ego, three or four knowing you, some more exercise and we are paying.

You pay if you are so concerned.

smorgsie's skint.

PS. I wouldn't like to be in the pub for the rest hours. I'll bet that's teeth-grindingly boring.

Hey Mothy-

Push a dried pea from Southport to Belmont with your nose. I'll pay a quid a mile for that. It'll make a fortune.

Have you decided which casualties of life your discretion is to favour?

Gee- I just saw some Grumpy Old Grannies on BBC2 talking about the joys of gardening....It showed a number of them snipping and scratching and scraping and picking and bending (no rump shots-Ed.) and fetching and carrying and preening and other similar masochistic delights.

Hey did anyone see that rock-climbing programme on BBC 1 last night with a young female presenter being led up some serious climbs? It was real, it was good, it was very inspiring television I feel.
And boy, did she have balls. I will henceforth look at these televisual flibbertigibbets differently, if she is a typical example. A very impressive young lady.

Impressive young lady?

I bet she wore a skin tight pastel coloured garment.

You should see me climbing out of bed in the morning, 'specially if I need a wee...

Now THAT'S impressive!

Nowt like tits a-jigglin' in an old wynciette.

x

No-one playing out?

Okay, I'll get me crampons and climb back into bed then.

TTFN

x

For the conditions, she was suitably and modestly clad. She'd never have made it in a wyncyette nightie.

And it was very windy.

The mind boggles.