THE BRITISH THREAD II

Here is said courtyard with ivy, fountain, and me.

Go down to the quack's and get a prescription for a sumptuous couch and a top drawer TV set and prepare to watch the upcoming ODIs between England and India. They give prescriptions for all sorts of things now. Cars, holidays abroad, Viagra, heroin. They might even be on a percentage for all I know.

You would be advised to retrain Mrs Mac so that supplies of various items are brought to where you recline as and when you require them. If you are worried about your circulation slowing down you should do three lots of ten foot wiggles about once a month. Reasonably energetically.

You'll be as right as rain in no time and Mrs Mac will be able to join the mainstream and spend her leisure time complaining about your general behaviour. She must feel a bit left out at the Bingo what with you being so perfect and all.

Hey I'm not rich, not perfect.

Only more perfect than some.

Except you can't compare "perfect", as Smorgs will no doubt tell me.

I think that smorgsie has a fair idea of what "perfection" consists of. That's why I'm a bit wary.

Oi!

Anyone watch Beginners Guide to the Cosmos last night?

I must be less than a beginner...

I didn't understand the stuff about particles and atoms, I thought fusion was two people farting simultaneously under a duvet.

Perfection is subjective - you all know that!

x

Nice picture, Muckty...

Is that you - sat on the bench, eating a twist cone 99 with raspberry sauce?

x

Yes, but with my visitors' pocket guide book (£3.99 from Amazon)

I have never been seen out in public in shorts in my entire adult life. I think shorts and sandals with no socks, or sandals generally, should be banned in public spaces forthwith. And jeans. (On men I mean- ladies have certain rights regarding such matters.)

I find male flesh abhorrent.

I might quote smorgsie's duvet post on another thread later.

I'm afraid I must agree with sussy on this one, Muckty...

Shorts - NO!

Sandals - NO!

It's not sexy!

Nice pair of chino's, SHOES, but you're allowed cut outy bits on your shoes, so your feet don't sweat and stink up tourist hotspots.

And NEVER take your shirt off, even if it's a furnace.

I'm off to iron my denim hotpants (cos I'm a girl).

x

I gave up sexy a long time ago, pet

and sometimes only shorts will do.

It were mad 'ot over there, when it wasn't being a thunderstorm.






Of course, if your legs look like pipecleaners, like Spendy's probably do.....

Just explaining that it is not a national library (that's the "German National Library [Deutsche Nationalbibliothek, abbreviated DNB], in Leizig and Frankfurt/Main] but the of the former (state of) Prussia, the Berlin State Library - Prussian Cultural Heritage, with two buildings in Berlin and third to be open in the nearer future.

...but keep the hat, that's sexy!

Here's some smorgs news from my little life:

Bought a CD (very cheap) with music from 1978 on it, to listen to on the way to work - it was a piss-poor year for music, I tell thee! Fast forwarded every track apart from Rat Trap (Boomtown Rats).

Had to go into a very long, very boring meeting at 9.30, still had the rat song in my head... it's only 10 o'clock and I'm already bored, it's a rat trap baby, and you've been caught.

Got back to my desk to be told that someone had tried to set a Jobcentre on fire (in Manchester) by pouring petrol all over the floor and then trying to ignite it!

Had discussions with my two favourite colleagues about: Elvis, Richard Dawkins, intelligent design, The Simpsons and celebrity perfumes.

Went to lunch with Eunice and talked about what we'd do if we won a massive amount on the lottery, decided it was better to stay skint as we would die shortly after from eating loads of cakes and chocolate.

Spoke to a customer about failing to attend my interview due to his Granddad dying again... two had already died the previous year! He was so cheeky I gave him the benefit of the doubt and didn't stop his money.

Got 'the coffees' in the afternoon and a large bag of blackcurrent and licorice sweeties to share. Spent the rest of the afternoon comparing 'black tongues' in between interviews (and during, if customer wasn't looking).

5.05 p.m. went home.

x

I forgot to tell you...

I've decided to do ceramics at night school!

Do you think I'll be able to get through enrolement without humming Unchained Melody? Personally, I don't think so... it's an opportunity not to be wasted.

Anybody need an ashtray?

...don't suppose anybody does anymore.

Where is everyone?

My posts sound all hollowy.

x

Awe, Walter...

You're just so...

Just so...

German, sometimes.

I really like that about you. In fact I'd go so far as to say I like YOU, Walter.

Do you remember when we first 'met' and you corrected my post (Walter, Walter, Lead me to the Alter)?

In a big 'nien fraulien' way?

x

I think you could count on a very few fingers the number of times Walter has said "nein" to a fraulein so you should think yourself lucky.

Thanks for all the information, folks. I was beginning to think I was dead, and being haunted by Spendy.

Do you need an ashtray?

Or a pen holder?

Or just a general coil pot for your satsumas?

x

If you know about coil pots, how come you need to go to a ceramics class?

Strangely, I couldn't agree more.

smorgsie wrote-



Does "hollowy" mean delightful and fairly astonishing.

One of the advantages of being a sandy cucumber up everybody's fundamental ego-crusher is that when one expresses approval of something, or, heaven forbid, a glimmer of enthusiasm, it is believed.

Dear Mr Nice guy can never be believed even when he's telling the truth. Watch Tony Curtis kiss Marilyn in SLIH knowing that he hated it if you don't believe me. Imagine though, getting Marilyn on a boat with her thinking you're a millionaire and you looking like Tony Curtis, a name I was given by a posse of young ladies I unfoichiearly fell in with about the time I discovered alcohol and gambling, after seeing SYI.

I'll think about whether I need a penholder or not but if I did order one it would need to be capacious as my aim isn't what it was I'm sorry to say. I have never had any satsumas so I don't suppose I have much use for a coilpot.

You should tell us about every day smorgsie. You would soon get good at it. Your confidence would grow and you could include more detail and before long you would have a book and everybody would want to read it, the intellectuals I mean, and you would make a pile on royalties and film rights and you would be on easy street and you and me could run off and have a good time your way and I wouldn't say that to anybody.

I know about the nodes of ranvier, Mucky...

Doesn't make me a brain surgeon!

Tut.

x