Quote:Another thing we don't agree on is that you seem to look at all misbehaving teenage girls as innocent victims. I guess there is a huge difference between a 16 year old virgin from a catholic family and a 16 year old promiscuous girl who already has criminal history. I agree both have to be protected by the law equally. But the difference in potential harm from a sexually interested teacher will be huge. It is no excuse, just I am saying some girls will end up really harmed and some will embarrass the teacher.
There's probably more potential to cause more harm to the girl who is promiscuous and/or already has a criminal history. There's a reason she's promiscuous. It may be that she sees her sexuality as the only viable tool she has with which to relate to men or to be assured of her value. If you indulge that misconception, by being just one more man who interacts with her purely on that level, you will be helping her cement her perception of herself as just another bimbo without a brain, without a soul, with nothing but body to attach any importance to or use in any productive way.
You could be someone who says to this type of girl, "Look, you'll be much happier in the long run in life if you try to develop whatever gifts of intellect, of creativity, of kindness-whatever-you have instead of just focusing on your looks or sexuality." You could tell her, in a kind way, what she's offering and making of herself is not attractive or enticing and that the right kind of guy will be more interested in what's inside than what's outside. You could make a real difference in these girls lives, because they'd probably listen to you, whereas their mom telling them the same thing would go in one ear and out the other.
But you know, if you're worried about someone misconstruing or embarrassing you, I'd have another adult present for any conversation concerning any of this. That's just self-protection. It's sad that it's necessary to even think in those terms, but better safe than sorry.
As far as friendship goes, I don't see why you can't be friends with students, as long as you don't have sexual thoughts or feelings toward your friends- male or female-which I don't. I have gone to parties where students are present to which I've been invited. But our friendship from the get-go is based on the premise of mutual respect and admiration and a shared sense of humor or some interest-not on appreciation of looks or physical assets.
I still hug little kids at school when they need it, and I would feel comfortable hugging a teen-aged girl if she was crying and needed a hug, which does happen on occasion. But I always ask,"Do you need a hug?" or "I can see you are really upset, and I would like to help you. I feel like you might need a hug," and then let them either say "Yes, I would like a hug-or no, don't touch me."
Because it
is hard to watch someone really emotionally upset and crying and not offer physical comfort.
I never had any issues with elementary teachers comforting or hugging my kids when they needed it-in fact I was happy there was someone to do that for them, if I wasn't there. And in terms of my daughter, I'd be fine if a teacher (male or female) that we were both familiar with helped to comfort her if she was upset.
But sad to say, I think most people would automatically look at men as being more suspect in that role, so if I were a man, I'd be more hesitant, and I'd propably refrain, unless again, there was another adult present to verify events if they were ever called into question.
