Gustav, cuddly as he is, never deems to argue, thus I cannot learn from his points of view (zing!). I mention this while I suspect I agree with him. But then we all probably suspect we agree with him. And why? why? Cushion for opinions ill-expressed...
Oh, wait, wrong thread.
well said, Phoenix and others.
I'm amazed at just how insensitive the occasional (and usually quite specific) long time member can be.
I've opted out of A2K for varying periods a couple of time now because of this dickhead! You really have to wonder why he's like that!
Yes - I miss Craven being around, too, Osso!
I guess I'd like to see some of us bolster our sense of selves. No reason to avoid dickheads. Engage, perhaps, contain, perhaps, simply ignore, yes. Certainly I don't like to see people stop posting because of them, on whatever side of the spectra.
Brilliant topic, Phoenix, which you presented in your usual well thought out and concise manner.
Personally, I gave up posting personal stuff here a while ago, after realising that once it is written, it remains permanently "on file" and can (and has) be researched by anyone who, for reasons only known to themselves may feel the need to somehow use this information in order to assist their attack, weeks or even months later.
I now strictly limit myself to posting photos of my local area, my pets, my gardening disasters and holidays.
As far as personal info/photos re. family or private life is concerned, I steer well clear of that now.
On the whole, A2K is a great place, but just like life, I suppose we all have to bump into strange and unusual people along the way.
Like Osso, I'm still trying to learn how to deal with those situations, as I find it incredibly difficult to just ignore them.
I think we all do, sometimes.
I was the target of an especially vicious attack a while back. I found it bewildering and upsetting. A number of people showed up on a fairly obscure thread and came to my defense. It was a great relief, but it didn't diminish my overall distress, which lasted long after I turned off the computer.
That was certainly not the only time that I've been inadvertently involved in upsetting situations here. I've been thinking lately how much smaller a2k has become for me as I try to avoid a topic or a poster or a topic where I know a poster will show up.
I think twice about starting threads. I think twice about posting and, more often than used to be the case, I'll write a response and not post it. I occasionally say something I wish I hadn't. I apologize when this happens.
I see questions from newbies that receive sarcastic and nasty responses. When I can and I think it's appropriate, I'll answer the question civilly.
Some people deal with contentiousness and discord better than others. Some people enjoy arguing. I'm not one of those people. I don't want to come here and leave with a knot in my stomach. I don't want to be upset for myself or for someone else.
I'm not naive. I know that there are all kinds of people who behave the way they behave for whatever reason. I'll continue to come here and tiptoe around.
I feel that my life has expanded because of the interactions I've had with people here. The connections I've made. The friendships I've made.
I am here with my eyes barely open, just want to say we'll talk tomorrow.
Schnorrrrrr, humfff?
Just wanted to add something. Thanks, Phoenix, for starting this thread.
My tolerance for reading opinions I disagree with has actually increased because of A2K. Osso suggested that we should not ignore posters we disagree with. (Personally, I am able to extract useful information even from posts I dislike.)
wandeljw, My discomfort is not so much with disagreement. Differences of opinion can be expanding. My discomfort is with personal attacks--or with people who state opinion as fact and leave little room for reasonable disagreement.
I am just aware that this thread was started over a serious incident.
My apologies for my usual farting around appropo of nothing on it.
Phoenix32890 wrote:It's funny. Abuzz was my first foray into internet forums. I was very circumspect in the beginning, and shared very little of myself. As I became more comfortable with the medium, I began to discuss more personal matters, realizing that we are all so much alike, and all have similar problems.
My thought that sharing, in a semi-anonymous way (egads, some of the folks on A2K know me) is a win-win situation. By discussing universal problems, one is able to get far more feedback from people who (usually) have no axe to grind, so the advice can be far more valuable than that of friends and relatives, who may not be as dispassionate as someone who is not actively involved in one's life.[/color][/b]
Very interesting comment, Phoenix. It seems that the opposite was true for JPB and Lord Ellpus (they indicated they became
less inclined to share personal issues).
Well, I agree here with Phoenix - I withold some information, however, only because I'm posting under my real name.
Interesting ... I found the thread in question and was dismayed to see what happened.
There are a few long-time posters on this site that I do not interact with - and one or two of them are much liked by everyone else - but I choose not to bad-mouth or get personal when I really would like to - I've just got to hold my tongue (or fingers) and move on from their idiocy.
However, Roberta, you mentioned that you had been attacked before in this vein also? Are there many of you this has happened to? I guess I have never experienced it so it probably was not on my radar screen.
eoe wrote:As my daddy used to say "you've got to know how to separate the sugar from the ****."
I absolutely LOVE this line, eoe. What also needs to be kept in mind is that one man's sugar is another man's ****. There are those who think that the smart-ass folks are funny and there are those who find them offensive. There are those who are sensitive and there are those who are callous and spiteful. Sometimes the lines are clear cut, sometimes they're blurry.
I do think Elpus and I are similar in some respects. Including the fact that we're both young pups :wink:
Heeven wrote:There are a few long-time posters on this site that I do not interact with - and one or two of them are much liked by everyone else - but I choose not to bad-mouth or get personal when I really would like to - I've just got to hold my tongue (or fingers) and move on from their idiocy.
Yep, me too. And I'm sure there are folks that I regularly interact with who cause others difficulties.
I've been thinking about this thread.
and I'm still thinking...
I didn't like what I saw happen to Dys.
I don't really like what I've seen happen with a newbie asking a seemingly silly, but very serious and sensitive question about herself.
And I don't like my part in the drama that spilled out across the forum the other day.
I haven't been around long, I'm learning how to behave and what to expect, when to speak and when to shut up. There are many wise people here that I am learning from, how to deal with irritation, how to make people feel like a part of the thread, how to be kind, how to be witty.
From my experience, I found personal attacks can be about nothing at all. Someone thinks something and pow, without asking for my side, I've gotten slammed. I've found deffending myself, about something I didn't even do, to be very frustrating. Now, that I've been out and about, maybe I should just ignore such things. They are hard to ignore...
Personal attacks are very hurtful.
I've also been thinking about the definition of personal attacks. How some people are more sensitive and are more apt to see a comment as a personal attack than others. Are they right?
How do you, or A2K, define a personal attack?
I've always liked this, and roberta has it as her sig line...
Oh wad some power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us.
