Life's choices

Glad to hear that, c.i. If I had the money, I would donate to good causes as well, but my only good cause is keeping myself housed.

And my wonderful son has just thrown a wrench into the smooth runnings of my life-machinery.

He wants me to go back to court to demand full custody. Which I don't have a problem with, except that I don't have the money to get this process started.

I am a very confused and upset Mamma right now. Oh joy.

I believe that every breath I have ever taken, every decision/conversation/experience I have ever made or had has brought me to this point right here and now. Therefore, I dont believe any decisions were wrong although the experience may not have been pleasant. My hope is that whatever is to be learnt by an unpleasant experience is learnt quickly so I can move on. Some of the most interesting and rewarding experiences in my life have been through making seemingly insignificant decisions. Like logging onto a message board forum only to discover an old schoolfriend on the same site.

Libratrue, WELCOME to A2K. You know that old saying, "six degrees of separation" is really "three degrees of separation." Let me relate a story, and I've heard some more amazing than my own. Many years ago when I was a auditor for Florsheim Shoe Company on a trip to Los Angeles from Fremont, I called an old childhood friend that move to LA from Sacramento where we both grew up. He suggested we go to Little Tokyo for dinner, so we went there a little after 7PM, and sat down. Not a few minutes later, my older brother walked into the same restaurant, and he lives in Sacramento. What are the mathematical odds of that happening? It's a small world. c.i.

Life is a series of choices. We make them every day some turn out better than expected others not. I am a firm believer that if one had life to live over again they would make all the same choices. In any event who is to say the choices you didn't make would have turned out any better than those you did.

People in lousy jobs, unhappy marriages, less than perfect parents with problem children, I'm sure there are tons of people who, if ONLY they had another chance, would make completely different choices than the ones they originally made.
I agree that some things are inevitable but when we're at that fork in the road and must choose whether to go this way or that, sometimes, if not most times, it's not that deep. It's simply a choice. And so many make the wrong choice based on ignorance, greed, impulsiveness, or just using the wrong "head". Then it's up to them to figure out how to make lemonade out of their lemons or make more choices.

eoe
Sure if people had a crystal ball and could see into the future or if they could live their life over again with full knowledge of the last life. Would they make all the right choices, I guess most would? However, not knowing and given a second chance people would make the same "mistakes."
Life would be so simple if we could make a choice based upon knowing the future would it not?

Absolutely. Didn't realize your theory was based on not knowing.
I'm reminded of the movie "When Peggy Sue Got Married" with Nicholas Cage and Kathleen Turner. She had the opportunity, with full knowledge, to change the course of her life and dammit if she didn't do the same thing, got pregnant on her eighteenth birthday and married her high school boyfriend. Of course, it turned out to be a dream of some kind but it makes you wonder about it all, whether people will make the same choices, knowing the outcome will bring them pain.

"Knowing the future" is an impossibility, so we make choices as we struggle along not understanding what our future holds for us. Here's the deal; let's say 10,000 accountants graduate from college every year. Just because they each made the choice to major in accounting doesn't necessarily guarantee the sort of lifestyle they expected. Some will succeed and some will not. Timing, good luck, and being at the right place at the right time has much to do with it. As eoe states, when does one know when to make lemonade out of the lemon of life? Some change career fields, and some stay in deadend jobs. c.i.

And this is so important. Just because you made one less than brilliant choice in life doesn't mean that you have to stay in the mess of that choice and it doesn't mean that you have to continue to make foolish choices. But so many do. Is it ignorance? Inevitability? Can't get out of one's own way?

things could have been different but the fact is, they aren't..

What is it that can be a "foolish choice" or a "bad decision"? To me it seems that one can only do so much when making decisions. On the "outside" others certainly are quick to decide for you what your choice is - good, bad, or other. But for the person, I believe that choices are often not so much as a real choice but a necessity to do thus and so at that time.

For instance, I had a "choice" to let one son forgo at birth a serious neurological surgery that would prolonged his life and made him comfortable - without it he would die within a few years. He got this surgery against the advice of his doctors. He lived and thrived. I also had a choice to simply "not" take him home from the hospital - abandon him to lifelong nursing care. Again, against one doctor's advice, my choice was clear to me - take him home and do the best we could do. Even when the doctor absolutely promised me that this was a mistake that would cost me my marriage and sacrifice the future of our oldest son.

How many would believe that I really had much of a "choice" to make? Yes, I made my decisions, and as a result lived a very interesting life that was filled with plenty of hardship but also reward. Was my choice good or bad? Plenty would second guess for me. I know that my life has been very different and continues to be difficult in many ways. Yet my life has been actually consistent with my deepest values. There is little to think of in making "lemonade" from "lemons", as suggested. It is a life that required what had to be done just for survival.

Now I find that I did sacrifice my own security in later years. Were my choices still to be counted one way or the other? My father would say that I have ruined my own life. I've heard others say that I could not take care of my family if I didn't take care of myself first. I continue to have to make difficult choices to be the best parent I am able to be. I continue to have hardship in making a life for myself. Yet, through it all, I've lived the way I had to - and I don't know that I really had a "choice" about it.

We all have to make choices every day. Accepting the responsibility for them is what makes us adults. Brutal stuff, that.

Very interesting responses to an evocative question...

CI, I'll be 60 this year, and feel that I still have some major choices ahead ofme. Who I am and where I am now are the results of all my past. So many major outcomes were the results of very small decisions/actions, so much was determined by family, genes and expectations. And then there's always that falling crane around the corner. I like the saying: Man plans, and God laughs. Doesn't mean I'll stop planning, but can't take it all completely seriously.

nextone
Man plans, and God laughs. I haven't heard that statement in many years. However,whenever I did it was in Yiddish. Thanks for the memory.

If one is in the job market at 60, important decisions are still ahead. Job responsibilities are considered very important to most of us, and the decisions we make can affect others. When I retired at 63, that monkey disappeared from my back. "Freedom at last, freedom at last; a heavy load suddenly disappeared." I haven't regretted my decision to retire, and often wonder why people continue to work when money is not the issue. c.i.

C.I.
Retirement, the golden years. Sounds great, the only problem old age comes with it and the golden years for too many turn to rust.

au, Yes, we all go through the program of life if we're lucky enough to live 'that' long. We begin to see our parents and contemporaries pass away from our lives. Our children are now adults with their own families - if we're lucky. But, you know what? In my world travels about three times a year, I meet up with other old buggers like myself enjoying life to the fullest. They are active with travel, golf, other physical activity, volunteer work, and social lives. Even on our trip to Machu Picchu and the Galapagos, we had a couple in their late seventies. I hope I'm as active and healthy when I reach that pinnacle. ci

Been retired three years from teaching, still making life-altering decisions............"Do I dare to eat a peach?"

There is always on the other hand.

Age shouldn't really slow you down. There once was a 53 year old man, who got admitted to medical school, went the whole course and is now an MD.

There once was a woman in her early 60s, who studied her Hebrew, got her MS in social work, applied numerous times to Rabbinical school, was rejected numerous times, was finally accepted and made it through 5 years of study as a Rabinical student. Guess what? today, she's in her early 70s/late 60s and is a practicing rabbi.

What 'll you try?

CI:

Have you ever seen or heard of Judge Pollack (sp?)? He's about 95 years old and sits on the bench as a practicing judge. One, who is very, very powerful.

Then there are men, who are in their mid 90s, who own and run their own
firms on Wall Street. They still dress up each and every day and walk off to work. Without their jobs, they'd be dead.