Shiva Facilitator?

ehBeth
The only way to distinguish a wedding from a bar mitzvah these days it to check if there is a bride. Other than that the festivities are the same.
In addition at least there is only one Bar Mitzvah per. Can anyone say that about a wedding?

Shiva Facilitator- the real scoop
Greetings from a Shiva Facilitator.

I can see that there has been a great deal of discussion and rumination as to what a Shiva Facilitator actually does. I can only tell what I do and offer. As you know, the Shiva period is a formal period of mourning when people pay condolence calls. While the grieving family is supposed to nothing but sit and be comforted, there is really a lot of stuff going on in the background. People are bringing food, sending baskets, etc. I take over all of the hosting responsibilities; I will watch the house during the funeral and cemetery service; set up the house for callers, answer the phone and give directions as needed, order platters, shop for beverages and paper goods, monitor food and beverages, clean up used dishes, keep platters full, etc. In other words, all those tasks that would normally fall under entertaining guests.

Historically, these are tasks that either a group from the synagogue or friends take care of. But these days more people are working and it is hard to take off a week for someone else's funeral. Also, many people live away from family and long time friends and may not have the support system to take care of this mitzvah. I also realized that, just as volunteer fireman have given way to professionals, it is good to have someone who is prepared and know what is needed, and is available at a moment's notice. I am pricing the service fairly low as I do not want people to feel taken advantage of at such a vulnerable time. And the purpose of being bonded and insured is to give additional confidence to people that their home is safe with a stranger.

Aside from the novelty, I would be most interested to hear what you think of this concept, and how likely you would be to use such a service. I have not discovered any others offering this service so was intrigued to hear there was an ad in the Forward- which one? I have an ad in the Boston Jewish Advocate.

Makes a lot of sense. Years ago, friends, relatives and neighbors helped with the shiva. Today, with many women working, a professional facilitator sounds like a job whose time has come.

New Haven- Now I understand about the bonding and insuring. The bereaved are allowing a complete stranger to come into the home, often when the people who live there are absent. You wouldn't want someone walking off with the silverware!

Shiva Facilitator

First an aside: I'm a non-Jew who recently attended a combined Bar Mitzvah/Bas Mitzvah. (The young girl put aside her Bas Mitzvah for a year and a half in order to combine it with her brother's Bar Mitzvah.)

I cannot tell you how impressed I was with the event -- particularly with the kinds of things expected of the young people being honored.

I saw these kids (I've known both since their birth) as adults -- and as adults who were willing to take on the responsibilities inherent in the ritual. They did a superb job.

My reaction took the form of a converstaion with the Rabbi -- in which I told him that we gentiles were missing one hell of an opportunity to help our young people make the transition from youngster to young adult.

END OF DIGRESSION:

As with my feelings about the Bar/Bas Mitzvah -- I think the idea of having someone outside the family tend to the things that go along with a funeral and a wake (as we non-Jews call it) -- is a terrific one.

I know of many occasions where it would have been an immense help.

And the idea of someone doing it as a professional -- makes the idea even more attractive. (Obviously we non-Jews do not have as pressing a need, since our wakes do not last for a week, but even a one day thing requires enough planning and facilitating that the idea could be of help.

I think the proper expression here is -- Mozel Tov.

May your profession prosper -- and may the period of mourning be made easier because of what you folks do.

That is a task usually done by friends and neighbors. However, in this busy and mobile society it would seem to have a place. Have you had any calls for your service?

I can see how this service might be needed in these times, and I'm sure you do a fine job, but really it saddens me that a service that used to be provided by friends and family and community will now be done by a proffesional or stranger.

Except for the people extremely close to the deceased, Family and friends have a need to be needed at this time. Feeling busy, useful and needed helps us all get through this and bonds people together. I think it helps the grieving people to see an outpouring of love from the community.

I recently house sat duriing the funeral of a neighbor whom I knew only slightly so those close could attend the service and I was glad to do it. All the neighbors rallied before and after. It seems a shame that in this day and age, friends, accquaintances, and neighbors can't be depended on anymore.

Shiva Facilitator:

Could you please tell me, why you're bonded and insured?

Can we assume that you're an observant Jew?

Back to Bar/Bat Mitzvah:

Average cost is now about $50,000. Is this for real?

You're right, Phoenix. Funny thing, I never thought of people stealing the silveware, at a time of such pain and sorrow.

Source of Ad:

I'm wondering, now, if it wasn't the Jewish Advocate, and not the Forward, where I found the ad. Possibly my mistake.

I didn't see your ad today in the Advocate. Was it there?

Egad! I'm sure my friend did not go for his lungs. He and his wife are just regular people without big bucks.

any jobs yet
Hi, yes I have had one paying job since I started just recently. My first job, what actually inspired me to do this was last fall for a friend. I suspect, by the reactions that I am getting, and this group is pretty typical, I think I have really identified a new niche. Here's hoping none of you even need my services.

Shiva
Fealola- you are right that friends should do this and many still do. But sometimes they are so close to the family that they need to grieve also. and people are not always available to take off for a non family funeral. There also times when people are new to a community and do not have the support system in place to help them. I know because I was in that position

It also helps that I have been able to give a lot of thought to what I need to bring to a house so I can step into the kitchen and not ask where things are kept- I bring everything I need, including labels for the casserole dishes, dish towels, knives, etc. I don't want to have to bother the family by asking "where do you keep.....".

About the bonding, I did this to reassure people that their homes and possessions are safe with me. I am not Orthodox; I currently belong to a Reform synagogue, but was Conservative for many years while I was married. I am familiar with the rules of Kashruth and other dietary restrictions. So working with food restrictions is not a problem for me. Thanks to you all for the feedback.

shiva Facilitator
Hi New Haven, I have the ad in alternating weeks. So it was in the 6th, 20th of June, July 4- next time will be July 18. Nice to know it is being seen.

FYI to my new non- Jewish friends here. I have been asked if I would do this service for non- Jewish funerals- wakes and such. While I do not have the familiarity with non- Jewish mourning customs, I would certainly be able to do the basics like house sitting and setting things up for people to come back to the house if that was being done. But my target audience is the one with which I am most familiar.

Good luck!