heART- a sonnet

Very good, indeed.

Thank you. But I feel the rythm isn't quite right some places...

Hi Cyracuz
I think your rythm is good -
only on the last two lines did i loose it, slightly

hope that's of some use to you

Thanks. That was what I was thinking also. But maybe it helps if I just remove one word...

heART

A smitten, dried up painter walks away
Broken by the multitude of hues
Dancing on the cheeks of brighter day
A myriad of greens and reds and blues
Eluding all attempts of his to render
On canvas what this lovely day displays
His heart despairs twix painter and pretender
When art merely his lacking skill portrays
Passionate his prayers to reach perfection
Ferocious his attempts to elevate
Until his mind releases all direction
And he sits back and thinks it is too late
Then, from deep within him like a dart
Come insights that art is a piece of heart

That's it!

You've been putting out some great work Cyracuz
I read with interest

Actually, I'd take that 'heART' out of the title also. Using that kind of gimmick to highlight the 'art' part of 'heart' is a little corny. The poem stands up quite well by itself without any need to emphasize the fact that 'art' is part of 'heart.' Any discerning reader will get it right away; no need to emphasize it.

Thanks Merry. That sounds like a good idea.
A problem with having a love affair with the english language in a country where it is not commonly spoken is that those around me lack the linguistic understanding to appreciate what I do.

That was one of my main reasons for joining A2K in the first place. Another reason being that this is a perfect oportunity to practice and perfect my understanding of what I personally hold to be the most beautiful language of the modern world.