Christmas, MY WAY

Some may not consider this poem as dark but to me it is!

Within the deep dark caverns of my mind, I shall celebrate the holidays my way
I can't cook for my family or physically show them my love
But in my mind, even though they are in the grip of death, I can visit them everyday
I know within my heart they are looking down on me from above.

Only in my mind can I imagine all the fun with the on Christmas mourn
I can set out the presents and have a big family meal
Death took all of you away from me, but in my imagination I have no need to mourn
I can be with each of you and it seems so very real.

I can watch my children as they open their gifts with a happy smile on their face
I can visualize my Mom proudly smiling while she watches her grand children
I can smell the dinner I have prepared carefully with love, this puts a smile on my face
I pretend this because it eases the pain death to me sent.

I can even imagine the children gathered around the fireplace, and the warmth I feel in my heart
I feel the immense love from a family I tragically lost
I do this to keep my sanity, and help ease the pain that feels like a knife within my heart
Fate dealt me a very bad hand, I paid a very heavy cost.

I can see all six of my children, my siblings, and my Mom and dad
All this in real life I have terribly missed
But in my mind I can always imagine what I could of had
Every holiday I do this, if only I could hug them and give them a kiss.