I have a newt named Tiny.

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a martinus.
The bartender says "Don't you mean a martini?"
Caesar replies...

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"Enough already, don't make me get cross with you. You know what I always have, wine: vinum, vinum, vini, vino, vino, vina, vina, vinorum, vinis, vinis."

George goes into a bar, orders four shots of the most expensive 30-year-old single-malt Scotch and downs them one after the other. The barkeep says, "You look like you're in a hurry." "You would be too if you had what I have," said George. "What have you got?" ". Question

"

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24 hours to live

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George wrote:

24 hours to live

You might have less time than that; you only have a quarter in your pocket. Laughing

A termite went in a bar and asked, ".."

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is the bar tender here? (I don't get it, I am bad at jokes)

Q: what did batman say to robin before they got in the car?
A:

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tryingtohelp wrote:

is the bar tender here? (I don't get it, I am bad at jokes)

Termites don't like tough bars ... they prefer the tender ones.

Quote:

Q: what did batman say to robin before they got in the car?
A:

Get in the damn car!

Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was ______.

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Ticomaya wrote:

tryingtohelp wrote:
is the bar tender here? (I don't get it, I am bad at jokes)

Termites don't like tough bars ... they prefer the tender ones.

Quote:
Q: what did batman say to robin before they got in the car?
A:

Get in the damn car!

Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was ______.

Oh now I get it!!!!!!! thanks Ticomaya Very Happy

A-salted

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, " "

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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "I am positive"

(When there are fewer electrons than protons, the object is said to be positively charged.)

TTH walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, a nearby A two K member jumps at the chance and

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Tryagain wrote:

TTH walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, a nearby A two K member jumps at the chance and

Gus quietly asks, "Can I buy ewe a shot of soy milk?"

Two A2K members are getting on a bus when one says to the other...

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DrewDad wrote:

Tryagain wrote:
TTH walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, a nearby A two K member jumps at the chance and

Gus quietly asks, "Can I buy ewe a shot of soy milk?"

Maybe you forgot that I am bad at jokes. Would someone care to explain this one to me? Not the literal part.

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(TTH walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre)
?'The guy gives her one' Razz

"Would someone care to explain this one to me?"

She asked for a double - he gave her one. (A question with a double meaning, has a singular double meaning answer)

Your questions are funnier than the answers. How about:

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and his vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, even his boots are made of paper, even his spurs are made of tissue paper.

Pretty soon the cops arrested him for.

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... rustling.

A physician was in the habit of stopping off at a local bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home from work. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have his drink waiting at precisely 5:05. One evening, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazlenut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and put it out on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "It's a ........................."

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Hickory dickory (daiquiri), doc.

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I have a newt named Tiny.

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