Here are just a few comments. I hope you find them useful. Feel free to let me know if some of them are unclear.
Quote:For example, some people might want to be rich and power, while others might just want to have a peace and quiet life.
The underlined words should be in their adjectives forms (right now you've got them as nouns) because you're describing qualities of nouns: "some people want to be rich and power
ful, while others just want to have a peace
ful and quiet life."
Quote:However, not everyone can have utopia occurs in their lives because we all have our own ideal world of utopia.
The verb form should be "occur" rather than "occurs" because that part of the sentence is in the
subjunctive tense. Even then, the sentence is a little awkward because a utopia is not really something that "occurs." (A utopia is, after all, a kind of society [namely, a perfect kind], and societies don't occur, they exist.) It might be better to rewrite the sentence so that you give "utopia" a different verb. You could also make utopia the subject of the sentence: "However, utopia cannot exist for everyone because..."
Quote:In many case, objection will raise from different ideas.
That should be "cases" (plural), since there are "many" of them. "Objection" should also be in the plural, unless you're trying to say that only one kind of objection can arise from different ideas. And I think you mean "rise" rather than "raise." "To raise" is to elevate or lift
something; it's a transitive verb, so you wouldn't use it unless you also have a direct object. (You wouldn't say, "I raise." You would say "I raise [something].") "To rise," on the other hand, means (in this context) to emerge from, and I think that's what you're trying to say.
More abstractly, I think the sentence could be made stronger if you attribute the hypothetical objections to a
person rather than suggesting that an objection will just "rise" by itself. For example: "In many cases, people will object to different ideas." Using a human rather than an abstract concept as the subject of the sentence will make your idea sound more concrete.
Quote:In many case, objection will raise from different ideas. For example, a husband dangerously climbs to the top of the society ladder, while his wife just wants a peace and quiet life with him. The objection can be as small as an argument, to as big as "the world wars", where Germans tried to take over the world.
Again, remember to use the adjective form when you're describing something (in this case, you're describing "life").
Also, your point will seem stronger if you rearrange some of the ideas. If we were to list the ideas in this passage in order, it would look like this:
1. People will inevitably object to some ideas.
2. An example of a small kind of objection is a husband and wife having different career goals.
3. Objections can be big or small.
4. An example of a big objection is Germany trying to take over the world during the two World Wars.
I won't comment on the actual content of the ideas just yet, but I think it would be more effective to present the ideas in a more logical order. The examples should be the last things mentioned, after you've explained what they are examples of. You could, for example, do this...
1. People will inevitably object to some ideas.
2. Objections can be big or small.
3. An example of a small kind of objection is a husband and wife having different career goals.
4. An example of a big objection is Germany trying to take over the world during the two World Wars.
...which, if converted back into your sentences, could look something like:
"In many case[s], objection[s] will [rise] from different ideas. The objection can be as small as an argument or as big as a World War. For example, an objection could involve husband dangerously climbing to the top of the society ladder while his wife just wants a peace[ful] and quiet life. On the other hand, an objection could involve Germany's attempt to take over the world.
Quote:Utopia can never happen, because we human have created so many events and idea in this world that prevent this fairy tale from becoming reality.
The underlined words should be in their plural forms since you're talking about more than one of each (in the first case you're using the word "we," which is plural; in the second case you're saying "so many," which is also plural).
In general you're off to a good start here. In order to make this introductory paragraph even stronger, I would suggest inserting more specific hints about what you're going to talk about in the rest of the paper. For example, you're last sentence (what I assume is the thesis statement) mentions that utopia is unachievable because of "events and ideas" that humans have created. It might be better to say, briefly, exactly which events and ideas you have in mind, and then use the rest of the essay to explain why these events and ideas are detrimental to utopia. In your introduction's present form, you're basically saying "Utopia can't exist because we're preventing it from existing," which is a fine start but will inevitably lead a reader to ask, "But what, specifically, are we doing to prevent it?" It's best to cut off all doubts as quickly as possible. See if you can rewrite your thesis statement so that it says, "Utopia can't exist because we're doing _______, ________ and _______."
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