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Mon 16 Jun, 2003 07:52 pm
By The Wind
[/b]By Leah Gerstner
Life is a house of cards
just waiting for the worst time to fall,
Everything is going right,
Whe the day is Bright.
The birds are singing,
The children are playing,
But then... The clouds start swaying.
You think everything is great,
But then the clock turns to 8,
The wind starts to blow!
OH NO!
The good day is finally coming to an end,
then the cards of life begin to bend,
And everything you think you have
Was blown over like a house of cards,
Ruined by the wind.
I like the imagery. You have a real talent.
I like the middle stanza the best. A bit whimsical, good rhythm.
Can you stand to lose the "like" in the first line? Unless you're purposely riffing on "Life is like a box of chocolates", just stating the simile outright -- "Life is a house of cards" -- usually works better.
Welcome to A2K!
Have to agree with sozobe.
thanks, you're right, i changed it. i think it sounds better.
Cool! Glad to be of use. Looking forward to seeing more of your writing!
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