'Analyse This!' (To a Young friend Who Critiques My verses)

Bring on the dimples! I do enjoy your work so much, jjorge.

Live and learn. :-)
Live to learn!


It's all good.

Re: 'Analyse This' (To a Young friend Who Critiques My verse


Classic!! Ogden Nash-caliber. (This coming from someone who had Ogden Nash read at her wedding...)

ehBeth, Codeborg, Sozobe

Thanks for the kind words.

jjorge,kind has nothing to do with it (at least in my case).
You write things I appreciate and enjoy. Almost as much as I enjoy your avatar :wink:

ehBeth, Soz et al

You might appreciate a little background.

My 'Young Friend' is my step-daughter's fiancee. He is a very bright young man who was an English major and is an aspiring writer.
He is a sort of hyper-intellectualized (and hypo-emotionalized) fellow who, when I shared a few of my recent poems with him, adopted a professorial (and I think condescending) stance with a detailed critique of my word choices, rhyme scheme etc.

I am usually much more diplomatic with people. However in this case he singled out two poems which are deeply meaningful to me ( "...and did I mention that you smoke?" [and] "Not To Worry") and sort of damned them with faint praise.

That is why I wrote this poem and sent it to him last night. To his credit He took it well, and replied today stating:

"I'm glad my critique provided you with a new poem. Now you're like every other poet I know....cheers! "

Who knows, maybe the exchange cleared the air a little and perhaps we will someday become friends.

You are too kind, jjorge. But I suppose bopping him on the head with the manuscript wouldn't exactly make points with your step-daughter, so I guess you did the right thing. Perhaps being married to your step-daughter will civilize the brute...in time.

I have little patience for his type. Can you tell?! I have done my fair share of editing through the years, and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that form is insignificant compared to content. Any decent proofreader can fix the form. It takes real talent, like yours, to produce such content. Keep it up...it's outstanding. On another thread, you said you were honored. I meant to honor you...I feel honored that you would share your work with us.

Great poem. Love the last line!

Bravo!

I think his reply means he's not popular with any poets. "Your" young pup does sound like an annoyance but remember, Jjorge, you are natural adversaries. You both have some claims to the attention of your step-daughter and he's a writer. He's got his ruff up and will be forever competing with you on multiple levels. There are thus many ways you could torment him.

I suspect you'll rise above this.

I hadn't thought of that. What insight here. It surely makes me smile to imagine the competition between you both as the years go by.

Re: 'Analyse This' (To a Young friend Who Critiques My verse


Soz,

You like Ogden Nash eh? I've liked him since I was a kid!

I'm fascinated with the idea of an O.N. reading at your wedding.

Care to say what it was?

Piffka

As a neo-freudian, I agree with you that, to a degree, on an emotional level, we are adversaries. I also believe that our rational faculties can help us overcome the adversarial 'script'.

I truly do not wish (on a conscious, rational, level that is) to torment him.
I really do have a lot of respect for his intellect.
(although he does suffer from a certain arrogance and would benefit from questioning himself more!)

I think and hope that we can become friends with time.

My step-daughter is very wise. She knows that if her fiancee and I are to have a relationship, WE will have to fashion it.

She is smart enough not to get drawn into either the role of 'arbiter' or 'prize'. She would be more inclined to laugh and let us cross swords. She would not accept ownership of any such problem.

She sounds like a wise woman. You are both lucky.

I am always attracted to wisdom and good character traits in women.

My step-daughter, who I adore, is like her Mom (my late fiancee) in that respect.

My sympathies for your loss.

Happy Father's Day, Jjorge!

I'm sure you'll find some good ways to become friends with your step-daughter's fiancee... but it may never be through poetry, even after you are published and acclaimed.

Maybe he likes gardening, kayaking or dogs?

Dupre

thank you. It was nine years ago but I still see her in my step-daughter.

She, ( ie. my S.D) gave me for father's day, the gift I cherish most...
her time.

Fathers day was a lovely day here, sunny and warm but not hot.
First Kelly bought me a nice lunch, then we went on a hike to a place I'd never been - A trail that goes about a mile through woods and then suddenly bursts upon a gorgeous view of Narragansett Bay, and a lightly used, rocky beach just south of the village of Wickford R.I.
After strolling on the beach awhile -walking...gawking and talking... we went to a Ben And Jerry's store and had an ice cream.

Then, when I thought she was dropping me off she went instead to a new coffee shop (quaintly named the 'Bad-assed Coffee house') for cups of hawaian Kona coffee.

I'll remember the day for a long time.

How lovely! I'm so happy for you that you both have each other. What a perfect gift and memory. You must be a very special person.