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Thu 12 Jun, 2003 08:23 pm
hello everyone, could you please comment on my poem...suggestions etc
thank you
Fatal Frustration
The engine warms up,
Preparing to challenge hours
of waiting, of frustration.
Rows of steel soldiers stand in front
Sluggishly, inching forward
Ahead, a read light looms.
Oblivious to the warning
The car continues to sprint
across the white line.
Unable to control its speed,
The vehicle screeches in pain
as it slams into the barricade.
The steel frame collapse,
Consuming the prey trapped within.
Neighbouring cars halt.
Everything is frozen in silence.
A heart ceases to pound.
The frosty silence is melted
by distant, high-pitched sirens.
Engines warm up,
Preparing to challenge more hours
of waiting, of frustration.
Pyko
What would you think of giving us more info on the one who died?
I think it might make the story more interesting and make the reader more invested in him.
jjorge*197982* wrote:
What would you think of giving us more info on the one who died?
I think it might make the story more interesting and make the reader more invested in him.
mmm...interesting suggestion, though I'm not quite sure how I would achieve this, because when I first wrote the poem, I was more concentrating on the idea of "Fatal Frustration".
any suggestions on how I can integrate jj's suggestion in?
thanks :wink:
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