Addictions

Addictions



You tell yourself
this is the last time,
one last shot
one last drag
one last roll of the dice.

One last visit to a lover
you swore to leave,
no more doubts
no more fights
no more angry words.

One last weekend
wasted in a stranger's arms,
intertwined in passionate abandon,
weariedly facing Monday morning reality
never remembering their names.

You tell yourself
this was the last time,
dragging yourself through the days
with jaded complacency,
until nights become lonely and long,
until sudden losses distract your ambition,
until bloodshot eyes strain against tears.

False friends call with feigned condolences
pleading invitations of gilded affectations,
offering poison to heal your broken heart
and contagion for a cure.

Sitting alone in a corner
rocking on your hands
your body shaking
your eyes clouded with tears,
you cry out with trembling voice
I WILL NOT DO THIS!
I will…not…do this.




Fleeing the dark depressing gloom
you seek the brightest surroundings
you can find?-
a playground filled
with innocence of children
romping and squealing
oblivious to heartache and care,
safe in their paternal dependency
never having known control,
no tears in their bright eyes
for aspirations denied.

Entranced by their simplicity
you tell yourself
you can start over;
you can restore your life;
you can find the dream you lost;
and you will remember
why you are alive.

You tell yourself
this is the last time.