W C Fields

Clams?

I hate clams...

x

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
W. C. Fields

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields

I drink therefore I am.
W. C. Fields

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. Fields

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
W. C. Fields

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
W. C. Fields

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields

Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia. (On his tombstone)
W. C. Fields

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields

Roomservice, Roomservice, don't send up any more ice.
W. C. Fields

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
W. C. Fields

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
W. C. Fields

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields

Stop following me, are you following me? That'll get you twelve years at Leavenworth, or eleven years at twelveworth, or five and ten at Woolworth's.
W. C. Fields

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
W. C. Fields

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. Fields

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. Fields

W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. "I'm looking for a loop-hole," he explained.
W. C. Fields

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields

Sadly, there is a dearth of W.C. Fields movies on dvd. For instance, George Cukor's 1935 version of David Copperfield, in which Fields played Mr. Micawber, will appear on dvd for the first time on October 10. Other classics, like Never Give a Sucker an Even Break and Tillie and Gus aren't on dvd at all.

Fields, unfortunately, didn't appear in too many movies. Part of the problem was his relationships with the studios, which weren't always harmonious, and much of that can be blamed on his drinking. Also, he was a very big star on radio: one can only wonder what kind of movies he would have made if he weren't spending his time trading wisecracks with Charlie McCarthy. As such, he often appeared in "cameo" roles which didn't require a lot of effort on his part (such as in International House and If I Had a Million, or as Humpty Dumpty in Alice in Wonderland). That's a great loss for us, as Fields, when he was on top of his game, was one of the funniest people who has ever been captured on film.

Fortunately, three of his very best films -- The Bank Dick, You Can't Cheat an Honest Man, and It's a Gift, are available on dvd (along with My Little Chickadee and the aformentioned International House) in a boxed set. It doesn't have much in the way of extras, but it's an excellent addition to anyone's collection.

Joe, I have to state that your commentary on the film threads is that of a real film buff and never pretentious or side-swiping. I wish there was more appreciation of W C's genius contribution to comedy. His delivery and timing were perfect and he was a very intelligent man. So drinking was a problem but that's more uncommon than any of can imagine. When I live in Hollywood, I can't think of very many Hollywood execs who could brag about sobriety. I guess I can state that I drank with the best of them but that could seem pretentious!

Thanks, LW, from someone with your breadth and depth of knowledge about films, that's quite a compliment.

An interesting thing about Fields and his contribution to comedy: there was a set of young comedians in the 1960s, most notably the Firesign Theatre, who got turned on to Fields (and also the Marx Bros.) by way of television, and who appreciated the absurdist wordplay in Fields's movies, like this example from The Bank Dick

Egbert Sousé: Ten cents a share. Telephone sold for five cents a share. How would you like something better for ten cents a share? If five gets ya ten, ten'll get ya twenty. A beautiful home in the country, upstairs and down. Beer flowing through the estate over your grandmother's paisley shawl. Og Oggilby: Beer? Egbert Sousé: Beer! Fishing in the stream that runs under the arboreal dell. A man comes up from the bar, dumps $3,500 in your lap for every nickel invested. Says to you, "Sign here on the dotted line." And then disappears in the waving fields of alfalfa.

His often cynical wit is legendary.

W. C. Fields
From Wikipedia


Born January 29, 1880
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Died December 25, 1946
Pasadena, California
W. C. Fields (January 29, 1880 - December 25, 1946) was an American comedian and actor. Fields created one of the great American comic personas of the first half of the 20th century?-a misanthrope who teetered on the edge of buffoonery but never quite fell in, an egotist blind to his own failings, a charming drunk; and a man who hated children, dogs, and women, unless they were the wrong sort of women.

This characterization was so strong that it was generally identified with Fields himself as well as the characters he portrayed in films and radio. It was maintained by the then-typical movie-studio publicity departments at Fields' studios (Paramount and Universal), and further established by Robert Lewis Taylor's 1949 biography W. C. Fields, His Follies and Fortunes. Beginning in 1973, with the publication of Fields' letters, photos, and personal notes in grandson Ronald Fields' book W.C. Fields By Himself, it has been shown that Fields was married (and subsequently estranged from his wife), financially supported their son, and loved his grandchildren.


Birth and early career
Born William Claude Dukenfield in Darby, Pennsylvania. His father, Jim Dukenfield, came from an English-Irish family of noble origins (being descendants of Lord Dukenfield of Cheshire), and his mother, Kate Spangler Felton, was also of British descent. However, Jim Dukenfield was of the working class in England, and in the United States sold vegetables from a cart, an enterprise in which the young William assisted.

Fields left home at age 11 and entered vaudeville. By age 21 he was traveling as a comedy juggling act, becoming a headliner in both North America and Europe. In 1906 he made his Broadway debut in the musical comedy The Ham Tree, signing with impresario Florenz Ziegfeld.

Fields was well-known for embellishing stories of his youth, but despite the legends he encouraged, the truth is that his home seems to have been a relatively happy one and his family supported his ambitions for the stage -- his parents saw him off on the train for his first real stage tour as a teenager and his father visited him in England while Fields was enjoying success in the Music Halls there.

He married a fellow Vaudevillian, chorus girl Harriet "Hattie" Hughes, on April 8, 1900. Their son, Claude, was born on July 28, 1904, while Fields was away from Hattie on tour in England. By 1907, however, W. C. and Hattie were separated, and until his death Fields would keep up both correspondence and the sending of voluntary child-support payments to Hattie.


W.C. Fields in a scene from The Bank DickThough known for his comic acting, Fields started as an "eccentric juggler," (and was later inducted into the juggling hall of fame) appearing in the make-up of a genteel "bum" -- scruffy beard and shabby tuxedo, for instance. He juggled cigar boxes, hats, and a variety of other objects in what seems to have been a unique and fresh act, parts of which are reproduced in some of his films. His trademark mumbling patter was developed during this time, and he toured with Irwin's Burlesquers and other vaudeville troupes in the United States, Europe and Australia before making it to Ziegfeld's show. There he delighted audiences with a wild pool skit, complete with bizarrely shaped cues and a custom-built table used for a number of hilarious gags and surprising stunts. His pool game is also reproduced, at least in part, in some of his films.

Hollywood
Like many vaudevillians, Fields worked in silent films and one-reelers, but he first hit big theatrical fame in 1923 in the Broadway musical Poppy, where he perfected his persona as an oily, failed confidence man. Fields later appeared in talking feature films and short subjects, including the 1934 classic It's a Gift, which included a version of his stage sketch of trying to sleep on the back porch as a result of nagging family and being bedeviled by noisy neighbors and traveling salesmen. ("You're drunk!" "Yeah, and you're crazy! But I'll be sober tomorrow, and you'll be crazy for the rest of your life!")

Fields had an affection for unlikely names and many of his characters bore them. Among the prime examples are:

"Larson E. [read "Larceny"] Whipsnade" (You Can't Cheat An Honest Man);
"Egbert Sousé" [pronounced 'soo-ZAY', but pointing toward a synonym for a 'drunk'] (The Bank Dick);
"Ambrose Wolfinger" (Man On the Flying Trapeze); and,
"The Great McGonigle" (The Old Fashioned Way).
As he was often also a writer on his films, the writing credits often include quite unusual names substituting for his own, such as "Otis Criblecoblis", which contains an embedded homophone for "scribble". Another, "Mahatma Kane Jeeves", is a pun on mahatma and a phrase of an aristocrat walking out: "My hat, my cane, Jeeves". He also used the ordinary-sounding "Charles Bogle" several times.

Fields wore a scruffy looking clip-on mustache in virtually all of his silent films, discarding it only after his first sound feature film (Her Majesty Love).

In his films he often played hustlers such as carnival barkers and card sharps, spinning yarns and distracting his marks, as with this gem from Mississippi: "Whilst traveling through the Andes Mountains, we lost our corkscrew. Had to live on food and water for several days!" Another notable quotation regarding his love of alcohol is this: "I can't stand water because of the things fish do in it."

Although lacking formal education, he was well-read, and was a lifelong fan of author Charles Dickens. He achieved one of his career ambitions by playing the character Mr. Micawber, in MGM's David Copperfield in 1935. In 1936, Fields recreated his signature stage role in Poppy for Paramount Pictures. ("If we should ever separate, my little plum, I want to give you just one bit of fatherly advice." "Yes, Pop?" "Never give a sucker an even break!") He had previously transferred his famous role onto the silent screen in Sally of the Sawdust (1925) directed by the legendary D.W. Griffith. That effort was not a success.

Fields's ego sometimes got in the way of important roles. He turned down the role of the Wizard in The Wizard of Oz fearing the role would be "too small".


Radio
Illness, worsened by his heavy drinking, stopped Fields' film work for a time, but he made a comeback trading insults with Edgar Bergen's dummy Charlie McCarthy on radio in 1938. Fields would twit Charlie about his being made of wood, while Charlie would fire back at Fields about his drinking (Fields: "Is it true your father was a gate-leg table?" McCarthy: "If it is, your father was under it!"). This 'rivalry' between the two carried onto film in Fields' first feature for Universal, You Can't Cheat an Honest Man (1939). In 1940 he made My Little Chickadee with Mae West, as well as The Bank Dick, which perhaps might be his most well-known film, speaking to bartender Shemp Howard, ("Was I in here last night, and did I spend a $20 bill?" "Yeah!" "Boy, is that a load off my mind... I thought I'd lost it!").

He was known to his friends as "Bill", a fact evidenced in Never Give a Sucker an Even Break, in which he played himself. Edgar Bergen also called him "Bill" in the radio shows. (Charlie McCarthy, of course, called him by other names.) In films in which he was portrayed as having a son, he sometimes named the character "Claude", after his own son. In England he was sometimes billed as "Wm. C. Fields", presumably to avoid controversy due to "W.C." being the British abbreviation/euphemism for "Water Closet", although it might be safely assumed that the earthy Fields was amused by the coincidence.

Death
Fields spent his final weeks in a hospital, where a friend stopped by for a visit and caught Fields reading the Bible. He inquired as to why, to which Fields replied, "I'm checking for loopholes." In a final irony, W. C. Fields died in 1946 of a stomach hemorrhage on the holiday he claimed to despise: Christmas Day. According to one story, he died in a bungalow-type sanitarium where, as he lay in bed dying, his long-time and final love, Carlotta Monti, went outside and turned the hose onto the roof, so as to allow Fields to hear for one last time his favorite sound of rain on the roof.[citation needed] According to the documentary W.C. Fields Straight Up, his death occurred in this way: he winked and smiled at a nurse, put a finger to his lips, and died. Fields was 66.

He was interred in the Forest Lawn Memorial Park Cemetery, in Glendale, California. There have been stories that he wanted his grave marker to read, "On the whole, I would rather be in Philadelphia", his home town, similar to a line he used in My Little Chickadee, "I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia would do!" (In one of his film bits, he made a point of referencing "Philadelphia Cream Cheese". Given his fondness for words, maybe he just liked the sound of his home town's name.) This rumor has also morphed into "I would rather be here than in Philadelphia." The anecdote that Fields often remarked, "Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night" is unsubstantiated. It is also said that Fields wanted "I'd rather be in Philadelphia" on his gravestone because of the old vaudeville joke among comedians that "I would rather be dead than play Philadelphia." Whatever his wishes might have been, his interment marker merely has his name, and birth and death years.

Carlotta Monti is one of several people who have chronicled Fields's life. She wrote a book about their life together: W.C. Fields and Me. The book was made into a film of the same name in 1976.