Can he paint a lush Tahitian chick and just be done with it?

Oh, shoulda waited ONE more minute...! :-)

Setanta has a good point, too.

That doesn't express very well what i meant. I would say he is looking for excuses for not liking school.

He's an "only child." He has been the center of your attention for all of his life that he can remember. Have you not posted before that he would "act out" when you were engrossed in your work, or working online, and he resented that you didn't pay sufficient attention to him? You have stated that the teacher says he has behaved better while you were there. Well Duh! (No offense, it just seems obvious to me.) When you're not there, he's just one more of 20 or 30 or 40 kids, and is only occasionally and briefly the focus of his teacher's attention. He may "act out" when you're not there because he is not getting the amount of adult attention to which he is accustomed. He may also not understand and/or be able to articulate this frustration, which also represents a situation which is intimidating for him.

I am the youngest of four children. When i got to school, my initial reaction was "Cool . . . lot's of new kids to know!" But my best friend, Jeff, was volutarily held back by his parents (he and i had birthdays only two days apart, and just made it in "under the wire" into first grade--no kindergarten then, which was not uncommon; Jeff and i were only five years old in the first grade). In second grade, my "best friend" was not there, and i did become truly bored. My grandfather had taught me to read in the summer before my fourth birthday, so the material we had in school was always woefully behind what i was reading at home. Additionally, i was a stutterer, and was instantly classified as a "slow reader," which was the more frustrating, as i was reading The Wind in the Willows and Treasure Island and equivalent books at home. I became the "class clown" and "a troublemaker" at school, largely because i was bored.

So Mo is the center of your attention, in an environment rich in stimulus. Then he is whisked away to a situation in which he is no longer the center of attention, and one which may very well appear impoverished to him. Tough spot for a little guy to be in.

I'm not really sure where the problem lies.

I'll have to think about the whole intimidation thing. He's really quite brave.

And he's not stupid. Maybe one of the reasons the color thing bothers me so much is because he's known his colors for a long time and they're working on colors.

He can write his name he just won't write it on the line they want him to write it on. He proved that he can color within the lines yesterday so we'll have to see how he does today. He can recognize all of the letters and numbers and a lot of words.

If forced to answer how he "stacks up" against the other kids in his class I'd say he was ahead of many of them. He just doesn't have the patience to sit still and see the project through.

I see where you're coming from, Setanta.

I confess that I am in the enviable position to indulge Mo's interest, having both the time and the money to explore things with him. He's not really spoiled with things but spoiled with experiences.

Think volcanos are interesting!? Let's go to Mt. St. Helens!
Like to swim!? Let's get a pool!
Like animals!? Let's get a zoo membership so we can lounge at the tiger cage all afternoon!
Planet ARE cool! Let's go see the sky show at the planetarium!
He gets to pick out his own books at the bookstore.
He is allowed to wear the tires out on his bike and then he gets to take his bike to the mechanic and watch them work.
He gets to use the real tools to drill holes and saw limbs and dig holes.

I am guilty as charged!

So what do I do now?

Keep doing it.

I mean, all the same stuff applies to sozlet -- she's an only child, she's been the center of attention her whole life, we do all that same "enrichment"-type experiences. She ADORES kindergarten. I was also an only child with similar experiences and also adored school all the way through (and attended really good public schools who allowed me to learn at my own pace, even if that involved reading fourth-grade materials in first grade).

So what are the variables?

The school itself and its quality... hard to gauge this early on. Maybe you want to look into some kind of Montessori alternative, just to know what your options are.

Interest in socializing -- sozlet's super duper incredibly social and that's a big draw of kindergarten, for her. Does Mo have friends in kindergarten yet? If not, that'll probably happen, and may increase his interest.

Hmm, I'm sure there are many more, can't think of any just now.

My main point is that the situation Setanta describes doesn't automatically equal not liking school, at all.

Sitting still and seeing a project through is an important skill, itself. Doing things other than what you would most prefer to do at that moment is another. His whole life doesn't have to be like that, but as a daily nibble out of his day, it has its value.

Mo is great at joining into groups and he does have friends in his class. Most of his friends, the shehooligan in particular, are older than him - first and second graders. He plays with them every day after they get home from school. These girls are for the most part pretty rough and tumble. There isn't much of the sit and play quietly type stuff going on.

Mo may be telling you he hates school because he knows it worries you. He wants to make this your problem. He may hate school, but he still has to go. It's his problem to adjust and he will. Give him encouragement, the time and space to spread his wings and lots of love. Then you just wait it out. How has his temperment been since the blow up?

Gawd she's good. This is definitely something that was bouncing around in my brain but hadn't figured out exactly -- yep, that's it.

Completely agree with the rest of it, too.

Obviously he has succeeded in making it my problem as now home is more like school.

<sigh>

Encouragement and time are two things I have in spades. Riding it out may take a toll.

His disposition has been okayish. He's trying to keep his temper under control and it's good that he's trying.

Thursday seems to be blow up day. We'll see how this afternoon goes.

Has anything happened with finding a professional counselor, someone to help out?

I understand what you mean about taking a toll, and want you to have the support you need.

If things are that difficult all the time -- if school is the catalyst but it extends way beyond school -- I think getting a professional involved is a really good idea.

That is something that we are actively investigating.

It is time for me to go fetch him from school so I will dwell on all of this advice for a while.

Thank you!

Two worlds: Home and School.

Two sets of rules: Home and School.

At school you color within the lines. At home you can scribble.

( If you're worried about fine muscle coordination at home, get a couple of chunks of balsa wood, various sizes of screwdrivers and various types of screws. )

As someone noted earlier, Mo isn't learning that apples are always red or green. He's learning to follow instructions and to apply self-disclipine. He's also learning to compartmentalize. "Compartmentalize" is not a sordid notion. Kindergarten manners and activities are not home manners and activities. Kindergarten manners eventually can be applied in all public situations.

School is two and a half hours, five days a week. You have his soul and psyche for the rest of the time.

Swimpy's right. Mo would love it if you took on his problem of adjustment to kindergarten and changed kindergarten to suit him.

Set's right. If you dis kindergarten, you don't have to measure yourself against kindergarten standards.

Mo is a manipulator. I think you can probably out-think him, but it will take some fancy footwork and a muzzle.

Hold your dominion.

There might also be alternative school options. I don't think two weeks of kindergarten can give you a real feel for how well Mo will take to the public school environment, but there are a number of alternatives in the Portland area. I know of one family here that finally transferred their child to a Waldorf school in 9th grade (after many years of thinking he would eventually adjust) and he's finally thriving in high school.

Waldorf lower school Portland

So, boomer, how would you rate the past week?

On a scale of 1 to 10, with any random week of the summer being a 10 and last week being .... oh..... say a -20, I'd give this week about a 6.5.

I'm trying to reassure myself that he is normal even if that means that I am not.

<sigh>

I dunno.....

<sigh>

Oh come on, boomer. You really want to be normal? You and Mo are extraordinary. My older son had a terrible time adjusting to school. He never really learned to like it, but he got through it. He wasn't the kind of kid that was ever going to go along. I wasn't that kind of kid either. But he's a wonderful, creative, intelligent person. the people who take the time to get to know him, love him to pieces. The rest of the world can take a flying leap as far as we're concerned.

Anyway, I hope you find that ecch day gets a little bit easier. Do you want to talk about it?

Every parent is disoriented when a beloved child develops more dimensions.

There is no such thing as normal.

My son is 12 years old and has had a great many friends through the years. I haven't thought a single one of them was normal. (It's true.)

Random thought:

All of us want our kids to "turn out." We want them to be smart, sweet, healthy, all that stuff. We want to be good parents, and have that reflected in our kids.

You've had this whole extra layer for almost the entire time you've been in the parenting role for him, though. We can mess up quite a bit and still keep our kids. You've had this whole crazy-making proving yourself thing that you've had to do. We haven't had a stranger come into our house, ask our kid questions, and make a judgement on whether we can keep the kid or not. You have.

I think that might be a background to all of this that's hard to shake even though he's yours.

Boomer, even if he's not normal, he's yours. You won't lose him.


And that's entirely aside from the question of whether anyone should aspire to normality.

At this point in my life I can assuredly say "No. Normal doesn't hold much allure".

I have always been a bit of a misfit and there were many times I prayed to be "normal". I was a likeable girl, I never quite figured out why I didn't fit in. I now know that misfitness makes one adaptable (not to be confused with malleable).

And normal is not something I really aspire for for Mo. I am probably well suited to help him deal with any oddballity.

What is different about Mo is his violence.

Violence against me is something I have zero experience with. I know Mo loves me. I know he does.

I also know that if I wrote down what we had been through in the past weeks, not as boomerang but under another name, and if I neglected to mention that the "man" was actually a five year old boy -- that everyone, including "boomerang" would be telling me to get the hell out.

<I haven't done that so nobody needs to go looking.>

It's complicated, to understate it.

I know I don't really provide details of the violence so I can't really complain when people say "normal". (Now I'm thinking this confession belongs on the other thread instead of this one.)

So anyway.......

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

When I think of the young Swimpys and Noddys out there in the world it sets my soul at ease as much as their moms do. Thanks.