EQUIVICAL (Critique)

The impermanence of all things.
The falseness of our pretenses.
A deep suspicion that everything we think and believe is wrong.

I normally avoid using the same word more than once
but in this case, it's quite a meditation.
Sometimes you never really appreciate a word until it gets stuck!



Good rhythm. Would go well to music. Keep on, keep on, ...

(By "critique" did you want folks to critically evaluate the poem? Without
a specific request most folks would be apt to say "Hi. Nice poem."
Also, did you mean equivocal 'stead of equivical?)

morganwood- I found this work pessimistic, but true of so many people.
One of the aspects of the poem that I really liked, was the rhythm, which was almost hyponotic. I think that the constant use of the word "dubious" was the key.



I found this sentence jarring. To me, it seemed to stop the flow of the words. The thought was perfect, but could it be said in other words, so as to maintain the rhythm?

Control/u is not a shortcut to underline in this program.

So: Yes, I meant Equivocal. Thanks! And, I did want a critical evalustion. Hopefully something beyond "It sucks" :-)

Yes, it is a bit pessimistic. Things go in that direction some times but, it was not the emotion that I was feeling at the time. The phrase "I hold the dubious distinction..." can
me to mind and I started to play with the word and this resulted.

Clutching dubious tokens
bolstering dubious esteem?
implying dubious esteem?
boosting dubious esteem?

Thank you both and this is exactly what I meant by (Critique)! This is far superior to "Nice Piece" I wish members/readers would do this with all my posts. It's the only way I can improve.

Morganwood- I think that's a lot better.

OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTI

SHANTI, Canadian for a roughly built shack?

I am mystified and my great book fails me in this moment of need!

Om (we all know) a buddhist mantra followed usually by Shanti Shanti Shanti = peace peace peace ( in the stream of dubious, my mind floats)

Might I suggest, rather than putting Critique in the title (which Google will pick up when indexing this page), that you write up some sort of a short line or two asking for a critique, and putting it either at the bottom of the post or in a second post? That'll be a lot clearer in the future.

As for underlining, use the underline key. You cannot format the font in the title space, so putting in bold or underline code there will only result in the code being seen.

morganwood, I like the repetition because it emphasizes the idea of a "dubious honor". The rhythm of your poem also reflects the disdain that you have for universal subterfuge and those who buy into it. The line "clutching dubious tokens" was particularly thought provoking.

Overall, your poem was rather defeating, but I'm certain that is what you were trying to suggest.