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tying you to the bed

 
 
faith
 
Reply Wed 4 Jun, 2003 04:34 am
i tied you to the bed last nite
in the hope that you'd trust me



to shower kisses
over your


warm


hard


(and yet soft)


body



to run my fingers
across your skin



and leave a burning trail



of desire



that comes to rest



deep inside your heart






i tied you to the bed last nite
in the hope that i'd have the power



for once



leaving you



naked

and

helpless



(the way i feel

everytime

you look into my eyes)





i tied you to the bed last nite
in the hope


that you



would



n e v e r



(ever)




(((ever)))




leave.......
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morganwood
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Jun, 2003 07:49 am
I think that the format is a little cumbersome. I think triple spacing would give you the same literary pause. Also, you began an action in hopes of gaining trust but left the concept hanging without resolution. (If that makes sense).

Just my thoughts for what they're worth :-)
0 Replies
 
cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Jun, 2003 09:35 am
I agree about the format, the spacing could be cut down a bit, but I thought it was kinda hot, in an obssesive sorta way...your feelings for whoever were quite well expressed, using a minimal amount of words, which I always find intriguing. Are you sure we never dated? Wink
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