Cowboy Reminisce

Do you have issues with violence, Dr. KILL-joy? I mean, first there's your screen name. Then you r "prophecy" full of torture- what does that title mean by the way? Now you're writing love songs in which violence and death are the primary images- "making love in hell"? Come on. What's up with all this?

*Although I notice even the supposedly most "peaceful" among us here on a2k have taken on a somewhat more "militant" attitude lately- and we wonder why there's death and genocide all over the rest of the world. Even Bawb has gone from talking about God's love to murder.

Everyone's so serious these days. I wish Kardas would come back with another wolf story - or Mathos with a couple of jokes- that'd help to lighten the mood.

I find this (your song) a little over-dramatic. I can't imagine a light rock/country tune would fit these lyrics - but you know better than I do.

Do you sing it yourself or is it written for someone else to sing?

I did it myself.

btw, I don't have a problem with violence.
Plus, The Kommend *Revvel* parts 1,2 and 3 aren't full of torture.
That was with Aliana, and that just happens to be for that part of the story.
My screename, DrKilljoy is something else. Look up the game, "The Suffering" and you'll know why. Also, it's because I use this screename on all the other sites I'm apart of.

So, no, no issue with violence, it just happens to be that I've posted somewhat dark or violent things... ...which is curious. I'll be sure to post one of my more light things.

So you sing it yourself. I'm trying to get that picture (complete with sound) in my head . I'm not laughing at you - really, I'm not. Actually, try it yourself. Pick someone's avatar or screen name - anyone's- now just picture them singing. It's kind of funny, isn't it- because just adding an imaginary voice to these words on the screen makes it a whole different experience, doesn't it?
Do you also play an instrument? Maybe guitar? Or do you accompany yourself on the piano?

I have to admit - I didn't read the Revvel prophecies. From the title, I assumed they were fantasy, and like I told you, I'm not a fantasy fan- so I kind of just assumed that they might be full of torture too. Sorry for assuming. That was wrong of me to do.

I'm kind of afraid to look up "The Suffering"- sounds painful and depressing- not into it. I try to avoid that stuff as much as possible.

Too bad we don't have audio on here - I"d love to hear you sing your song. Can you transcribe the chords/notes so I can figure out the tune? Then I could sing it too (You have to excuse me - I'm looking forward to my day - so I woke up really silly and happy sorry- I guess I shouldn't take it out on a complete stranger- that's the kind of **** that always ends up getting me in trouble...)

lol

Heh, I'd sing if I could sing. I can only make a good tune in my head. Not actually sing it.
The suffering isn't....well.....nvm, it is weird and scary. Hell, I even jumped while playing that game.

btw, yes, the part with Revvel in the Kommend is fantasy. *sigh* I wish I could get more people to critique some of my work, but for some reason, no matter the site, I NEVER get a critique. If I do, I get only one....even if they're bad ones...I just like to know what people think of it.

If you want really honest critique so that you can improve as a writer, I'd recommend taking a writing course or joining a writing group. You'll get much more in depth and objective feedback that way. And it will be invaluable as it will come from others who write, and who take it seriously enough not to let personality get in the way of providing honest and helpful critique.

On a forum like this - how, or even if, people respond to your work depends a lot on who you are instead of on the work itself. And even if they know your avatar and screen name and decide you're worth a post - they might not be honest- it's really easy to be dishonest (either way - in a nice, flattering way, or in a cruel put-down kind of way) when you know you won't have to be accountable for it.

I know I tend to sugar coat pretty much everything I say on this forum, because in the past, I've seen that honesty has not been well-received. So, if I'm impressed with something, I feel free to say it, but if I'm not, I don't feel free to say it - so I don't say anything.

But I'll be honest with you. I think your earlier stuff - the pieces I commented on- were more carefully written and crafted than some of your later stuff. I think your more recent pieces, (especially the poetry) looks more thrown together - and derivative - like maybe you wrote it just to get a response. I know I'm guilty of that sometimes. I think some of your ideas are nice- I especially like the idea about feeling safe and happy in the driving home poem (or song) but nothing else about it jumped out at me. I think you could have used more imaginative images.
Those are just my impressions though. Someone else might feel differently.

I use this forum as a place to get myself to write - everyday. If you do that, write everyday, no matter what it is you write, you'll improve as a writer. And I think that's what's most important to people who love to write.
And who the hell cares what people think anyway? If you want to be a good writer, just write and practice your craft. I've learned that that's much more productive than worrying about what people think.

Good luck.

Well, actually, the poetry was before the other stuff I had written. I'm not, the best, with poetry. I've tried my hand at it and I've only had a few good things, but not much.

Stories on the other hand I seem to be a bit better at.

From what I've read of your stuff, I think your strength is dialogue. And that's pretty hard to master in a way that sounds natural at the same time it moves the story along. So if you can master that - you can probably master all the other aspects of story-telling.

I think I do remember beginning to read your other story, and if I remember correctly, I stopped because I saw that it was fantasy, and because it was more descriptive, it seemed a little adjective heavy to my taste, and I didn't comment because I didn't want to comment negatively. Besides the fact I thought you probably were getting tired of my commentary and I wanted to give someone else a chance.

In terms of your poems - I reread the most recent two and I think what seemed so different to me was that they were so happy . Maybe that's what made them seem more simple to me stylistically. But I do like the images of the blurred lights and the wind, etc. in your driving poem. It reminded me of how when you (or at least I did this) were a kid and your dad was driving - you just kind of focused on the street lights, etc- and the prisms in the lights, etc. And the repetition in your poem is like that in a chorus of a song- so it gave it a kind of child-like, sing-song quality - which actually is very nice and works with that poem.

Seriously though, you'd be surprised at what really good, in depth critique you can get from people who read fiction and poetry all the time in a writing group or a class. In the writing group I'm in, if someone brings a piece they're working on, we just focus on that piece the whole evening (two hours) and give our opinions and suggestions. I know when people have done that for me- it has been incredibly helpful. You should see if you can find one (a writing group). I found mine through my local library - and I'm taking an evening course in creative writing this fall- that puts a little more pressure on, as you have due dates and grades etc., but I find I need that incentive to keep myself going and actually finish stuff, especially stories.