They Are Not You

Chapter One

My relationship with my younger sister, Suze, has never, ever been smooth. She thinks I'm a b****. And to be honest, you really can't blame her for that. I act like a snob around her and her "friends". I yell at her for the most trivial things, just to piss her off. And I always, always butt in at the wrong moments (ex: walking in on her when her and her on and off boyfriend, Travis, are furiously making out. Why can't she just…hang a sign or something?? I mean, it's not like I want to see them making out or anything. Firstly, that's gross and I don't want to be a lightbulb. Secondly…because Travis and I are actually seeing each other behind Suze's back.)

You're probably thinking that I really am a b****. Stealing my sister's boyfriend? That's among the lowest of the low. One of the worst forms that revenge can take. But this isn't about revenge. Travis and I, we were the ones who got together first. We started going out at the beginning of this year. Just before Christmastime, we had this major fight about some stupid thing and he stormed off in a huff. We weren't officially broken up, but it was clear that we were going to be taking a break from each other, at least for a little while.

When he came over with his parents for Christmas dinner, like he always does (our families have known each other forever), he started flirting crazily with Suze. Suze, who was single and ready to mingle at the time, naturally responded to him. By the end of the week, he had officially broken up with me because "he wanted to discover himself" and said that "we could still remain friends". Yeah ******* right. A day after he broke up with me, I happened to witness him and Suze on their very first date at the mall. You can imagine the tension. Travis and I felt very uncomfortable, but Suze just sat there looking like absolutely nothing was wrong. I exited the scene ASAP and listened to depressing music for the next few hours back at home. (THE best way of dealing with heartbreak. And btw, Suze never did apologize or ask if it was OK with me to be with him. Hmmph.)

A month after that, Suze and Travis had their own major fight. I think it was something about him not spending enough time with her or whatever. Later, he called me up, for the first time since our breakup, (so much for remaining friends) and said he wanted to catch up since we hadn't talked for, like, ever. It seemed slightly suspicious given the fact that the call came months since we last talked, but I agreed to meet him at his place anyway. I took a taxi there (we both live in or near Stanley, but the boots made it impossible to walk), wearing a denim micromini, silk cami and suede thigh high boots borrowed from Suze's closet (sometimes it is quite convenient to have a popular girl as your sister. And yes, I'll admit that I still had feelings for him all the while. Enough to dress like Suze to please him. Go figure). As soon as he answered the door, in his best pair of jeans, the ones he knew I loved, and his piercing blue eyes, I knew we probably weren't going to be talking much, although I did make an attempt (albeit weak) to make this visit purely platonic.

He showed me inside and we sat down together on the couch, the romantic tension hanging over us heavily in the air. Although there was a cup of mocha set out for me, I didn't drink it. "So, what have you been up to?" I said, mentally cringing, knowing full well that I sounded more like his aunt than his ex-girlfriend that he'd invited over for seemingly no reason. "We haven't talked for so long."

"I know," he said. "I should've called you earlier, but..."

"It's ok, you don't need to explain," I said, cutting him off. "I know how you've been busy with my sister and stuff."

Silence. Oh great, what had I done? I'd destroyed any chance of a normal, unawkward (if that's a word) catch-up session with a potential friend. "Ummm…so…" I started, but I didn't get to finish my sentence because Travis had pulled me over to him and started kissing me, long and hard, and I had to admit, it felt absolutely delicious. "I've missed you," he said softly. "And now, I want to make up for it."

After what seemed like hours spent "catching up" on the couch (how romantic), we finally pulled apart and then I started to freak out. Majorly freak out. What the hell was I doing, getting involved with my sister's boyfriend and their little fight? It was plain wrong. Even if he had once been mine. Even if I still had feelings for him. I felt like some whore, a slut. This was the sort of thing that her so-called friends did to each other, and I, for one, preferred to believe I was a better person than that.

"Travis, we have to stop this. It's wrong," I murmured.

"I know," he said, groaning. "I wish we could continue, but we can't hurt her." Suze was a fragile soul, and no matter what differences we had, I couldn't bear to do this to her.

I nodded and breathed in, deeply. "Can we just forget this ever happened?"

He nodded. "Yeah, let's just put it behind us. You know, I really was planning on hanging out and not…" he said, gesturing to the pink mug of mocha (my favourite drink& cup) set on the coffee table, smiling slightly.

I laughed. "I know."

So, since we agreed on simply forgetting the entire incident, I tried, I really did, but it was impossible. It had something to do with the way he made me feel, like I was the only one that mattered and that I was a beautiful goddess. I thought about it all the way back home in a taxi, feeling vaguely dirty. I eventually decided to just shake it off, thinking it was just a one-off, something that would never happen again. But of course, that wasn't the end of our secret little romance…

Travis kept to his word and nothing beyond friendly gestures happened between us for the next few weeks. He'd finally owned up to his promise of remaining friends. Suze and he made up from their silly little fight a few days afterwards. He'd call me and I'd call him occasionally to hang out at each others' places. It wasn't until the day I was watching a really scary movie with him, I forgot which one, that I broke our deal by reaching for his hand during a particularly hair-raising part.

Travis hesitated to hold my hand. "Jane, our deal…"

I pulled him towards me, feeling a sense of contentment in my heart. "No. I'm sick and tired of having to control my feelings about you. I've been trying, we've been trying for weeks to just be friends, but we both know it's not working. Forget the damn deal. C'mere…"

And so, from then on, we completely forgot about the damn deal. Whenever him and Suze were off, we were very on. And sometimes when Suze and him were on, we were very on. It's really messed-up, but it's worth it to be able to be with him in some sort of way. Right?