My book 'Surge Racshard' critique please

I have been working on this book for 4 years and I am writing the final manuscript to submit into a contest. I would be eternally grateful for some final critique on my manuscript. Thanx to anyone who reads this
--- jester
PS (this is all i have edited so far, most of the first chapter and the entire proglogue ^^)

Surge Racshard
Prologue

It was not the first time she had felt the sharp wind whip her face as she ran, body shivering with familiar pangs of fear. The sky had hours ago bled to a pitch black, stars appearing one at a time from behind the ashen clouds; the night was far too dark for her eyes to adjust and she blindly followed the luminance emitted from the cars she was trying to get away from.


snarl, eyes fixed on a tall man who did not show fear like the others, leaping from the bed of his truck, holding a polished shotgun in his big, sweating hands.

"Mike! Run!" A man called in fear, hiding on the ground in a cowardly manner, watching his friend from beneath the giant truck.

The monster shrieked and growled violently as she curved her tail around the tiny baby. Mike cocked the gun, hands shaking nervously as he aimed and fired at her, amazed when she was seen still standing her ground.

He snapped out of his little daze, slipping two more shells from his pocket into the gun barrels and firing at the creature as if his very life depended on it. The baby began to cry, woken by the sound of the booming weapon, hands outstretched as if trying to make some kind of physical contact with something.

Still she continued to snarl; though her long tail was hurt badly, left hand completely blown from her arm. Due to his fear, his aim was not the best and he had missed the vital spots that would kill her. The pain merely fueled her anger and she sprang in front of the baby, baring her teeth to the roots, more like she was protecting it than guarding it for a later meal.

As a final move she constricted her strong tail around the man's forearm, snapping it instantly before the cold barrels of the gun touched the side of her head, firing and point blank and easily killing her. Several men then approached as the thin smoke cleared, lifting her carcass and laying it gently on the lowered truck tailgate.

"Get the cops on the phone! Get them up here, I want them to see this!" The man beneath the truck said as he stood, brushing the dirt from his clothes.

Immediately, with the utmost care, lifting the crying infant, Mike said softly, "don't cry I'll take care of you... don't be afraid anymore."

After that night Mike tried desperately to find the parents of this child he'd saved and named ?'Carter.' But after months of failure, Mike decided he would take care of Carter, protecting the boy like the night he saved him from that horrible creature.

Chapter 1

"Of course you don't know your mom! I wouldn't stick around if my son ended up like you either!" Jared assumed mockingly, awaiting a response.

Jared was the bully of the school; a small and skinny adolescent but incredibly stalwart for his size. Not to mention if nothing else, he had bigger, stronger relatives at the school that remained on his side even if he was fighting for the most meaningless reasons. Thus those even twice his size feared him.

However, Carter merely turned his back to his tormentor; he wanted nothing to do with this and the last thing he wanted right now -or ever- was to get in a fight.

"Are you ignoring me?" Jared snarled, grinning as moved behind Carter without a sound, swinging his right leg in front of the other boy and tripping him.

An uproar of laughter shattered the previous silence as he collapsed hard onto the floor, hands and face pulsing with pain due to his inability to catch himself. Grinding his teeth, Carter gathered all of his dropped belongings, not saying a word or even tossing Jared a glance. The tormenter was now furious at the way his victim was ignoring him instead of showing fear or begging to be left alone; Jared cocked back his arm with all his strength and threw a punch at Carter the minute he was on his feet.

Again on the floor, hand over his throbbing nose, Carter slammed his eyes shut in pain. The sounds of everyone laughing only pumped his fear and frustration, and he rose to his feet a second time, now ready for anything.

"You still want to ignore me?"

"Why are you doing this to me? I don't want to fight you!" Carter choked, pulling his hand away seeing the scarlet liquid from his nose move down his palm.

Everyone who'd gather round them watched with wide eyes and excited expressions, wondering how Jared would respond to a comment like that. Would this become an all out brawl? It was easy to see that was what they all hoped. But truthfully Carter had no desire in his kind heart to hurt anyone, not even Jared.

Taking everything his opponent said or did as a challenge, Jared sneered with a look of malice, whipping his fist unexpectedly into the center of Carter's stomach. He stumbled backward; leaning against the wall with his jaw clenched and arms around himself in pain, peering over at Jared angrily. This had to stop.

Panting heavily, he looked around at everyone with fear, noticing his vision suddenly change; everyone seemed to be glowing with a crimson outline. The color of their clothes were amplified, pulsing and shining. Was this because Jared had punched him so hard in the face before?

Hands moved to his head as his senses -eyes, ears, nose mouth- began to burn horribly; everyone else's voices drown out by his own thoughts. Oddly, this pain only fueled the anger Carter was keeping inside of him and his eyes returned to Jared's with a glare, a look of utmost hatred.

Jared's eyes widened in terror as Carter came toward him, fists clenched and heavy breaths moving through grit teeth; for the first time in this encounter Carter had a ferocious look on his face... he wasn't going to allow this boy to hit him again, no matter what.

The antagonist stumbled backward, unable to move before Carter could tightly grip his wrist, throwing him to the ground effortlessly. His next move was a complete betrayal of his normal self as he slammed his fists repeatedly into either side of Jared's face, heaving breaths and feeling every muscle in his body quiver.

The crowd backed up in fright and awe, watching the two intensely and wondering if the once tough Jared was even still awake. Arms hanging limply, Carter stood, staring down at his bleeding victim and quickly wiping the blood that had dripped down his face away with his arm. There was no one now that didn't fear Carter, who was defenseless but a few minutes ago.

Attention distracted, he faced something he'd seen in his peripheral vision; the principle was watching within the crowd with his arms crossed. Jared pulled himself up weakly when Carter stepped away and they both knew there would be more consequence for this fight than their current physical pain.

"What the hell were you boys thinking?" The principle shouted as soon as he managed to drag them both into his office.

Carter merely glared in the other direction, frustrated that his anger had gotten the best of him; he never had any intention of fighting back. Jared was quite the opposite, spitting out excuses and trying hard to find some way to blame this whole thing on Carter.

"Shut up now Eastman! I'm getting both of your parents in here to sort all this out!" He said furiously, demanding that they sit away from each other while he left to use the phone.

Jared leaned forward in his chair with a growl in his voice, "look what you did! This is all your fault..."

Slowly and agonizingly an hour crawled past and the two were still alone in the room, waiting for the principle to finish speaking to their fathers so they could leave, Jared picking through the principle's desk for anything of value he could take. Carter didn't even have the patience to try and stop him, he just wanted more than anything to be away from here.

Finally the door opened and the three adults stepped into the room, Mike's eyes moving away from the principle and over to Carter, "Come on, let's go..."

He didn't seem irate, just tired from a long day and this little meeting defiantly didn't help. Jared walked slowly beside the grungy man that was his father, flinching constantly as he moved through the office door.
Mike lead Cater slowly through the parking lot, shoving his key in the car door and proceeding to start the car, obviously eager to leave this place and go home. Carter reached for the handle on his side, pausing and looking up at the two figures in the distance before he got inside.

"Why do you do things like that dumb ass?" Jared's father yelled, looking at his dirt covered hand before whipping it across his son's face. Jared leaned against the truck with a moan of pain, peering up into the pale cobalt eyes of his father before moving toward the door.
Trembling, Carter sat inside, trying to start conversation and take his mind off what he'd just seen, "so..."

"So," Mike repeated, "you're suspended from school for two weeks for violence on school grounds."

Carter looked out the window, remembering that he was the one on top of Jared when the principle showed up... looking like the bad guy, when in reality he was merely defending himself. The burning pain was still fading from his senses.

"But I know better..."

Carter faced him quickly, confused by his words.
"It is not like you to get in a fight... you never have before. So I am reluctant to believe you attacked a kid in a hallway... You were defending yourself, and you have my permission to do that whenever you need to."

At that point Carter's expression stiffened and a little shiver ran up his spine as he spoke, "something happened to me before I fought back... for some reason my head hurt really bad, and my vision changed, I couldn't see very well... everyone was glowing..."

Mike lifted one eyebrow, looking back to the road slowly, "Are you ok now?"

"Yeah... I think."

The crunching of gravel was heard as the sedan pulled into their damp, dirty driveway, which curved like a snake around the tall white walls of their home. Tinted second story windows glared downward at them, reflecting the rays of the sun in a way that was nearly blinding; several small animals had accumulated in Mike and Carter's absence but they quickly fled out of fear.

With a smile, Carter punched the glove compartment door, watching it fall open and reaching for his large silver knife. Mike eyed his son, knowing Carter's intention, the reason why he'd grabbed his knife... the one thing that gave him a feeling of safety in the forest around their home.

"Be careful out there, in the trees you know... for wolves."

He nodded softly, staring at Mike with his hand on the door though he was hesitating to open it. There were defiant dangers in the place he loved, wolves being one of the biggest on account famished wolf was often known to attack a human. However, fear was not enough to stop Carter from fulfilling his desire to be in the peaceful tranquility of the forest, to clear his mind, so he merely brushed off the thought of getting hurt and opened the door.

Stepping from the shelter of the car, he smiled, waving before disappearing entirely into the shady forest. His mood was suddenly enlightened and his eyes moved all around to see the thick canopy of leaves and needles that blocked the sun's rays from view.

The knife was tightly gripped in his hand as he ran directly north, bushes and thorns gripping at his jeans and his lungs gasping for air; his house was far from view by now and he raked the knife against a nearby tree, leaving his mark.

This idea was taken from the same wolves Mike had warned him about. The straight north was a direction Carter didn't often go and thus marking the trees was an intelligent idea if he planned to find his way home before dark.

He froze dead in his tracks, gazing upward at a massive maple tree whose branches weaved around the pines that infringed on it's growing space. They were thick, perfect for climbing, and his vision followed as they pointed up toward the sky... so alluring. Yet something about it was strange, the deep scratch marks that were etched into the trunk.

Carter knew he'd never been here before, never seen this tree and thus could not have marked it with his knife... not to mention these scratches were far too deep to have been left by a wolf. Nervously, he backed up, deciding to get away from here and obey the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

But the sound of rustling in the thick bushes and holly caused him to freeze in place; was whatever had made these marks in the area? The boy contemplated whether or not to climb for dear life, the bushes rustling to the left and behind him.

He whipped around to look that way, heart throbbing wildly in fear and shivers racing down his spine. Whatever was around, there were more than one! His fear burned in him and his eyes moved back in front, startled as a man immerged from the thorns and poison ivy.

His eyes were captivating, a shimmering blue that complimenting the dirty azure dreadlocks which touched just past his shoulders. Sharp canine teeth poked out just past his closed ruby lips and his pale completion seemed to glow in the thin light.

Slowly, he moved toward Carter who tightly gripped his knife, holding it close to his chest and displaying the sharp blade to the stranger as a warning.

"Don't come any closer" Carter whispered in fear.

The man shook his head, breathing slowly and locking his eyes on carter's. He wanted closer, mumbling to himself and refusing to take the boy seriously.

"I'm not going to warn you again! Get back!" Carter hissed, swiping the blade aimlessly in front of him to show he wasn't bluffing. The very thought of a fight was usually enough to send young Carter packing but his fear and adrenalin had gotten the best of him.

The bizarre man began to speak another language, head turned to the side curiously; his voice dug deep into Carter's mind like he'd heard it before. The talking started up again and he took another step toward the already tense boy, ignoring his previous threat and reaching out his arm quickly.

With one unexpected slash of Carter's blade -reflex from the sudden movement- scarlet blood fell profusely from the man's outstretched arm. He growled in pain, gripping the wound tightly with his other hand and watching Carter make a wild attempt to get away by darting off into the forest, too frightened to scream.

The teen's heart burned and his legs ached but he refused to stop running, terrified of what he'd just done, hand quivering at the feel of the weapon in his clasp. Dizziness overcame him and he stumbled, gripping a nearby tree to prevent himself from falling as he glanced back apprehensively. The man was nowhere to be found.

Relieved to know he wasn't being followed, Carter relaxed slightly and listened to the cheeping birds above him, feeling his heart pound hard against his lungs. The pain was agonizing. The distant, but recognizable figure of the house came into view just past the last of the trees and Carter ran to it, not giving his pulse a chance to settle.

Dark orange rays jetted across the sky as the sun fell behind the tips of the trees; it would soon be nightfall and he did not fancy being in the forest after dark, especially after his encounter only moments ago. Surely the man was still in the forest looking for the boy that hurt him... the idea of it gave Carter shivers.

He drug one foot over the other tiredly, gripping the cold metallic doorknob and peering into the house, looking for Mike. Though Carter already decided wouldn't tell his father about what had just happened, he wanted badly to be comforted by the one person closest to him.

A tiny creak was heard in the floorboard and Carter whipped around quickly, startled when he was suddenly in the embrace of another.

"You weren't out as long as usual, did you get scared?" Mike asked quietly, smiling down at the boy.

"A little bit."

Mike's head rested gently on Carter's and he secretly smiled, burying his face into his father's chest, "but I'm ok now..."

Carter jerked away as his nose began to throb in pain; he was more than sure Jared had broken it. With a quiet moan he put one hand over his face, seeing Mike's concerned look through his fingers.

"Carter? Are you ok?"

"Yeah... my head hurts a little... I should go to sleep" Carter replied, not wanting to tell the truth in fear that Mike would become worried. (He was a smite overprotective sometimes and the thought of his son's nose being broken would easily cause him to overact about it).

Mike pulled Carter back into another tight hug and wished him goodnight, watching him move up the dark spiral staircase; the boy bit his lip as he staggered tiredly down the nearly black hallway, entering his bedroom. His fingers searched like snakes for the light switch and he ventured toward the tinted window in the back of the room.

The instant he pulled it open the room filled with the smell of fresh, crisp air, a warm breeze ruffling his shirt. With a grin he fell to his knees, arms folded on the window sill and eyes staring off into the darkness; little light was left now beside that which came from the house.

Still shaken up from what had happened in the forest earlier, he thought again about telling Mike but as much as he trusted and respected his guardian, this encounter would make Mike fearful as well. He especially feared the thought of not being allowed there anymore. For now this was his little secret.

Something moved loudly across the gravel below, snapping Carter out of his deep thought and effortlessly snagging his curiosity. He leaned forward out the window and tried to focus his eyes to see into the darkness; even the smallest of things had a way of intriguing his sense of adventure...

The figure was walking seemingly on all four feet, looking up with golden eyes, freezing in its tracks. It saw him. Carte darted quickly to the other side of the room and scrambled to find his flashlight, nervously jerking open the top drawer of a stained oak dresser and stumbling back to the window; the beam of light that shot from it instantly illuminated a wide area of the wet, dirty grass just as a tan tail disappeared into the entrance of the forest.

A small sigh of frustration was heard as he pushed the window closed; the flashlight hit the ground with a thud as he dropped it and clothes were soon to follow, his eyelids heavy as he crawled into bed. He reached up and soon the light became absent of the room, his body sinking into the deep trance of sleep, fingers becoming numb under his warm blankets.

After a day so long it almost felt rewarding to finally disappear from the reality of everything.

Though, it wasn't long before the boy found himself awake again, sitting up in bed and rubbing his still heavy eyes. A shiver raced up his spine when he realized how cold it was within his room.

"Why is it so cold in here?" Carter thought, gripping his sides gently and
feeling the goose bumps that had formed down both of his arms. He decided his window must have been open on account it was the only reasonable explanation.

As his eyes moved up he realized the window was indeed open, the moon's bright ivory rays twisting past the curtains and hitting against the dark floor. But sitting on the windowsill with her legs crossed was a skinny, black haired girl. The grin pointed in his direction was a disturbing one, hair cascading down her shoulders and touching her lap as she pulled away the band that held it back.

"Who are you?" Carter demanded fearfully, "How did you get up here?"

She didn't speak, only stood and moved through the shadows toward his bed, watching him scoot back as far as he could against the backboard, staring up in horror at her shimmering eyes (all he could see of her in the darkness). Heart pounding in his chest, his eyes moved to his pants on floor; his knife was in the back pocket and he tried desperately to think of a way to get his hands on it.

"What do you want from me?" Carter growled, flinching when she reached out to touch her cold clammy hands against his hot skin; he was horribly confused but at least he could see by now that she wasn't trying to hurt him.

She pulled gently against his hand which caused him to move to his feet and follow her to the window. Her grip on him became tighter, moving to his wrist... this girl had no intention of letting him go. Pulling him in front of her she nudged his shoulder with hers, almost as if motioning for him to keep walking.

Below the window was a long, silver ladder and Carter decided he'd do what she wanted on account he hadn't a clue who she was or what she was capable of. Carefully Carter obeyed and made his way down the terribly cold rungs of the ladder, shivering in fear and wishing Mike would wake up for whatever reason... see his son being taken away by this girl.

Everything was glazed with early morning darkness, Carter watching their breath freeze as it touched the cold air, flinching again when the girl made her way down the ladder next, gripping his wrist quickly so he wouldn't run away. Her intention was to enter the forest and he knew it.
He did not object.