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when you know

 
 
wIth
 
Reply Wed 5 Jul, 2006 08:38 pm
we could be together,
everyday together,
we could sit forever,
As loving waves spill over

The moon is fully risen
And shines over the sea
As you glide in my vision
The time is standing still
Don't shy away too long
This is a boundless dream
Come close to me my reason
I'll take you in my reason

_ we could be together
__everyday forever
we belong together
Further seas and over

In the garden of the sea
I see you looking over
With my wistful melody
You leap into the water
It is no breaths sighing
This is the mermaid song
The singing of my sisters
The sea has drowned for long
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The Sweet Desert
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Jul, 2006 10:52 pm
Re: when you know
wIth wrote:
Come close to me my reason
I'll take you in my reason


Hi With, nice piece of writing... Smile

If you may, I have this little suggestion to you. Feel free to accept it.

Well, I feel that these two lines would be more apt if you'd used the word Season instead of the first Reason in the first line.

Thanks and, by the way, the last stanza is melancholic

Regards,
The Sweet Desert
Kingdom of Saudi Arabia
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