This thread wouldnt be complete without a picture of this particular scientific artifact:
Yes, it's
Rasputin's Member
It appears to be the same size as her arm and judging from the way she is examining it I would say she is considering using it as a prosthetic if she ever has the need.
THAT
is totally ******* gross...
Repellent.
OR
Pegleg!
Take your pick.
Good grief
Quote:I called Mike Augustine and put it to him that the penis was a sea cucumber. [..]
"Well", he said, "I'm not a penis aficionado. I've only ever looked at one all my life. But everyone else I showed it to, who possessed one themselves, agreed that it looked like the end of a very large uncircumcised penis".
[..] The deception must have started somewhere, but it's unlikely that Marie Rasputin, or Roberta Ripple, would have gone to the trouble of creating a provenance for a penis without subsequently trying to sell it. And fraudulently to create a replica of your own father's penis seems too horribly Oedipal to contemplate.
Ha ha!
And yes, the idea of it, carrying around your father's shrivelling penis.. yikes.
But yet that story seems to deal with another Rasputin penis than the one pictured here, which does not appear in the least shrivelled..
How many are there of the buggers? (Could that be the explanation behind his legendary sexual prowess?)
Momus -
"The Penis Song"
[ from the album "Folktronic" (2001) ]
Lyrics
Buckminster Fuller, inventor of the geodesic dome
Once gave a lecture he entitled 'Everything I know'
Taking the title literally, he spoke four years or so
And I intend to do the same, so make yourself at home
(Pull up a chair, smoke a cigar or something)
Cynthia Plaster Caster once took my cast and showed me
In a penis exhibition in a gallery on Broadway
So many people saw my penis in its glass case
They recognise my penis now before my face
Subject for today: does knowledge elevate or demean us?
Everything you didn't want to know about my penis
A baker has a penis thing for flattening the dough
But stick it in the oven and it rises up, like so
The man who chops the melons up with a long and pointed knife
Has a penis with a mottled skin, I know, I asked his wife
(Very curious)
A priest beneath his cassock has a penis just the same
Some call the hypothalamus the penis of the brain
One man's sport is fly fishing, the other's pocket billiards
Congratulations, Watson, on your almost-Freudian brilliance
The comedian from hell always thinks he can entertain us
With everything we didn't want to know about his penis
Like the heather of the Highlands, mine is tipped with flecks of purple
With a head as wise as Solomon, although shaped like a turtle
It wears a flesh-tone roll-neck and the neck goes up and down
It comes out in the evenings and on Friday paints the town
Obsessively, compulsively, it only wants one thing
To fill your chosen orifice with ropes of pearly string
Delivering its message to your womb or to your tongue
And then going slack and flaccid when its pressing work is done
In witty conversation, by drip or intravenus
I drop everything you didn't want to know about my penis
(Some sort of Tourette Syndrome)
It's a very fine philosopher, debating right and wrong
Shows promise as a songwriter (it writes most of my songs)
Don't bury it in boxer shorts but wear it like a tie
Or avant garde jewellery hanging from your fly
(Very chic!)
Jean Luc Godard once declared, to gales of mystified laughter
That some men wash their hands before they touch it, others after
And if you slot it carefully where the sun will never shine
You'll feel what's mine becoming yours, what's yours becoming mine
Ladies and hermaphrodites, my tender-hearted readers
Everything you didn't want to know about my penis
There was a bohemian monk
Who went to bed in a bunk
He dreamt that Venus
Was stroking his penis
And woke up all covered in .....
Thought for the day: does abstinence dirty us or clean us?
Everything you didn't want to know about my penis
It's a tribute to the power of something otherwise mundane
That waving it under a stranger's nose is said to scar his brain
I'm doing my bit to see the power of taboo remains intact:
I keep a penis on my head but never lift my hat
(I keep a penis on my head but never lift my hat)
And if I've bored you stiff with this riff about my penis
I wouldn't let a little thing like that come between us
And if you can think of another song even more atrocious
Well supercalifragilisiticexpifu*kingdocious
Boy, that's one ugly dick
So, has this now been reduced to a
fashion accessory?
All I can say is -- worst strap-on ever.
patiodog wrote:All I can say is -- worst strap-on ever.
I would have said the worstedest......
Well, that's why we love you.
Our special pugnacious dim wee bunny mascot.
Oh my God, I just got it. That's terrible.
I mean, really awful.
patiodog wrote:Oh my God, I just got it. That's terrible.
I mean, really awful.
You only say that because it took you so long to get it, dummy.
No, it took me so long to get it because it was clean.
If you'd typed "wurstedest," on the other hand, I'd have been on it like irritant on a mother in law.
Hah, worsted or wursted penises. It's good to see the old thread humming again.
Carry on, please.
My little buttercup
Has the sweetest smile...
The enigmatic PDog is back.
What are you up to now?....Or was that an unfortunate choice of words?
By the pricking of my thumbs
Something wicked this way comes
(Two -- maybe three dirty puns there.)
