Finally, men talk about their penises.

Have you folks ever heard of "hangin' brain" ?
Maybe it's just a southern thing...

I meant men in general. But, you casn keep thinking we all talk about you specifically.

Hell yea, brain.

Plenty of fun terms that deal with the genitals.

Actually, boys start talking about it when they are three years old.



A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.


"Mom," he asked, "are these my brains?"


"Not yet," she replied

They're Pinky
They're Pinky
They're Pinky
They're Pinky
and the Brain Brain Brain...

I don't wanna talk about my penis. I wanna talk about where it has been!

hi KPete -------------- got it in 1. these japanese
have fuunny little ways


anese

no.
but she sure does have some bad breath at times.....

Is this the place where we can talk about our penises? Oh, thank god. I have a problem, and I just didn't know where to post it.

Okay, so yesterday, on my way home from work. I'm walking down fifth avenue, among the throngs of tourists and natives, just like I usually do on weekdays in the summer. Suddenly I feel something come loose in my pants, and I realize that the leg strap has come loose, and my penis has unfurled itself.

Before I can do anything about it, the last ten inches of my flaccid tubesnake has come undone and is now dragging behind me on the sidewalk. Cement scraping on penis is not a pleasant feeling, but what happened next is even worse. Before I can even stop to readjust things, a man with a briefcase who is walking behind me at the time steps on the damn thing, and as I am still moving forward at the time, it just about rips the head off.

That doesn't happen, thank god, but the skin is completely ripped off the top of my shaft and head, leaving me with a raw, swollen, throbbing, bloody member that looks a little bit like a large chewed up sausage. The guy was very apologetic and even called 911 for me, but still, I am left with this hideous mess. It is so painful that I can't even bring myself to try to roll it up and stuff it in my pants so that I can go out.

My question is, who can I sue for damages?

the city.
how dare they build a sidewalk big enough
for more then one person to walk on at a time.

Your scriptwriter, I think.

That was bad, kicky. You can do better!

Eva, you're right. I think the story wasn't up to my usual standards because it simply wasn't true. So let me tell you a true story now and see what you think.

A little while ago, while I was sitting naked on the couch masturbating to a rerun of Roseanne, I noticed a small drop of clear liquid pre-cum on the tip of my penis. I swiped it off with my finger and ate it, and while I was enjoying the gooey sweetness of it, I noticed the air pump in the corner of the room, which I use to pump up basketballs, soccer balls, etc.

The small two-inch pin at the end of the pump looked like it would fit perfectly in my penis.

Of course I had to try it. To my surprise, the pin smoothly slipped all the way into my penis with almost no pain. I was very excited about this.

It was at this point that I faced my real dilemma. To pump or not to pump. I thought about this for a long while...what could it hurt? Could it hurt? Would air pumped into my penis cause any damage? If I give it one quick pump, will my balls blow up like balloons?

So, here I sit, hours later, with a basketball pump hanging from the end of my penis, still wondering...too pump, or not to pump?

Sometimes I sit on my porch, quietly smoking my pipe and gazing at my menagerie. Giraffes cavort on the shores of my swamp, the pesky capybara darting around their towering legs. My giant squid breaks the green slime carapace of the swamp's surface and begins to spew water at the collection of spider monkeys dancing on the back of the hippo. A sole vulture perches on my tractor's exhaust and contemplates eating the wounded IRS agent before he's even expired. The wounded agent, the gaping hole from my shotgun's blast quite visible in his side, looks at me with imploring eyes, begging me to put him out of his misery. I motion to the vulture. With one swoop of its giant wings it is upon the screaming agent and the razor-sharp talons and beak begin to tear into the flesh.

It is times like these that I calmly smoke and pipe and wonder what it must be like to reside in Kicky's world.

Monkeys jerk off a lot.

Yes.... they do.

>swings in from a tree<

<stops masturbating, looks up angrily>

You calling me a monkey, bitch?

Gus, really, you expect us to believe that you have a lone vulture?

So, back a couple a years ago, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. She grabs my penis, looks really close at it, gives it a little shake, and says, "You know, you really DO look like your father!"

I wonder what she meant by that.