Hello? Hello? Mr. Nimh?
It's the Franangahoola County Poetry Contest Committee again.
We have just learned that the complimentary case of Franangahoola County tobacco-flavored biscuits we were sending to you may have been intercepted by customs officials. We are saddened and dismayed by this turn of events and have lodged a formal protest with your government. We used your name, hope you don't mind. The police officer was most kind when taking down that information.
Remember, Beulah Mae of Franangahoola County wants to personally congratulate you!
hey nimh, where the heck are you? I'm at Jan's nextdoor, hiding from Jespah's grandmother. The woman was going cuckoo on me. You gotta do something. She's going to kill someone... Hang on, someone's at the door... click.
Hey, just wanted to tell you that you were great in the movie "bareback mounthim"
Errr...umm.. was it real or you used an strap on?
Hey, Nimh. It's Jan.
Lucky for you, I grabbed some more of your stuff before the trash guys hauled it off....your extra set of car keys and your answering machine and I forgot what else. Heh heh...I'm really enjoying listening to the messages. You don't mind, right?
Say, who is this "prince" guy? Some voice! You got something goin' on with him? Mind if I call him back myself?
Oh, and Dagmar was here a little while ago. Some crazy old woman was after her. I gave her your car keys, didn't think you'd mind. I'm sure she'll bring it back as soon as the coast is clear.
Hey man, call and check in, wouldja?
<click>
Hello, nimh?
Listen, bub, I just got off the phone with my sainted grandmother and she was crying and swearing and it was mainly not in English so you know that's bad. It had something to do with her you-know-whats and really, man, I just can't respect someone who would make an old lady cry like that, not to mention sharpen her deluxe set of 84 Ginsu knives. She says she's going to, oh, wait, I shouldn't tell, it's just too horrible.
nimh, I'm still waiting for that answer. BEEP
Hello, nimh? This is the FBI. Please return the call.
nimh, call me.
You won't regret it. I promise.
Nimh, call Synonymph. You won't regret it.
Hey nimh, Jan gave me your car keys, so I cleared the coast for a few days. You seem to be gone anyway. Well if you need it, call me on my cell... wait, I don't have one. Well you can leave a message at the Wheel of Fortune motel on Route 16...remember the night we spent there? Too bad we had to flee early in the morning, it could have been perfect.
Oh yeah, I ran into Arthur in that O'Ryles dive bar, and he said to tell you to call Synonymph. Apparently you won't regret it, whatever the heck that means.
dagmaraka wrote:Oh yeah, I ran into Arthur in that O'Ryles dive bar, and he said to tell you to call Synonymph. Apparently you won't regret it, whatever the heck that means.
It means I had a secret (and it was really a juicy morsel) to share with nimh, but it was time-sensitive and is no longer relevant. Maybe next time!
Nimh?
Yeah, this is John, you know, husband of Jan, your neighbor.
I just wanted to let you know I'm really angry at you, for letting the landlord throw you out. Because Jan got all those S&M magazines now, and, worse, wants to try them out. I don't like wearing ballgags!
So, in retribution, I took your computer, and I reinstalled it. Now it serves as a server for my growing Pokemon JPEG collection. Serves you right.
And take care of that old woman with her Ginshu knives in front of the door, will you? I was tempted to tell her to check out what's left of your stuff out here, but she looks like she is about to murder someone, and better you then me.
<beep>
Hey Nimh, call Syonymph, you won't . . .
What? Three weeks? Damn, I gotta stop drinking. <click>
>Beep<
>Deep Breath<
Nimh...Honey, Remember me? Yea..well, you should recognize the voice, you spent a week in Bali with me. Um, you know when you told me that I wouldn't regret our time spent together, I think you were probably overcome with booze and sun. You Bastard! I've regretted it every SINCE!! Seems your lil man you were thinkin' with was ridden with disease..my insides are BURNIN' MAN...DID YOU HEAR ME YOU MO'FO'...BURNIN'!!!!!! I've seen my doctor...he says that I need to contact everyone I have had sex with since that time in Bali...umm, your going to need shots...and lots of meds!!
AWww HELL.........gotta go....you get the jist, I hope your lil pecker rots OFF!
Umm, Nimh dear...do you know an Arthur...a Tin Sword Arthur?
>Click<
Yo, this is Nimh.
Yeah I know, I'm never here. I'm a pest. Whatever.
Its not like I'm not getting your messages. I hear you. In fact - lemme make this efficient for all of us, OK? Listen carefully, I will only say this once, heh.
First off, Jan - thanks for rescuing my answering machine man, without you alla you folks wouldnt even be able to leave me a message! So alla you - thank Jan, he's the man. So dont mind me when I first talk to him, k?
Jan - I just still wanted to say I'm really sorry about the whole mess ... I mean, I appreciate how you fended off that old lady, she's a vicious one. And I cant blame you for, you know, losing your patience ... I know you didnt really intend to do real harm, and I'm so sorry Officer Shivers canned your ass into jail for whacking her ...
Tell you what, me and Dag'll be over soon to visit you, k? She says you were real good to her - heh - can she party or what? I just knew she'd be the kinda woman even a guy like you would change preferences for, ha!!
So - anyway - dont worry, my friend, we're right there with ya. I mean, not literally, ha ha ha - but we're thinking of you! Oh, and forget about John ... sure, you had good times, first gay marriage in the state, all that ... but he wasnt good for you, anyway. Other fish in the sea!
In fact, I told the Prince about you and he'd love to meet ya when you get out!
OK, all the resta you, listen up.
Edgar - I hear ya - just drop the stuff at Dag's. You know the place. She'll pay you.
Dag, sure we going! Can you come to my and Arthurs outside place? Friday nite, right, well make it a 48er! Hey hey hey, wait -- also -- you heard what I told this guy Edgar - he'll be coming round with a surprise at your place tonight - can you pay? I'll split the bill with ya on Friday, promise ... we gonna have some fuuuunnn!!
Arthur mate - go to the airport & pick up Chai Tea for me, 'k? Just bring her back to our outside place, I'll be over tonight, Dag'll be there too fersure. You'll spot Chai easily, she's the strikingly beautiful woman. Yeah, I knew I could count on you. Just tell her I sent ya, k? Oh, and stop by Beth's on the way to the airport, she got a package for me, can you take it along?
You hear that, Chai? Heh ... luv ya. My friend'll be right over, no worries! No other messages for you for now, I know you're probably on a payphone, so just hang up, and I promise we'll do all the catching up when you get to my outside place. 'k?!
Mr. Holloway, Fred? So glad with your offer! And I'm so embarassed, really ... I saw that you tried to charge the costs for that lovely Leisure Mountain Village place to my Amex, and that it bounced... I'm soo sorry, that normally never happens, I dont know what happened there. And of course, I will still pay.
In fact, to avoid such mishaps this time, I've asked a close friend to pay you, in cash. He'll add a 10% late fee. He lives near to your business, could you contact him? Name is Ewdad, Dr. Ewdad, yeah, just let him know where and when.
Max! I been getting these messages for you, k, and I'm fed up, awite? Its Chai Tea yeah, the hottie you met in the club the other night. Hey man, I dunno what you been up to or nuthin, but shes pissed at you, k? No, dont bother calling her, she really furious, dont want anything to do with ya anymore. So fuhgedabout her, k?
Cypher - switch to premium, then your call will be fasttracked. Doo dash nimh dot com, its got Paypal.
CJ - I cant really make Tuesdays... ever. Have fun, tho! And Eva - you actually got money for that thing? Wow, good on ya! You're good.. impressive! You can talk anyone into anything, cantcha? Well, except for me... ha ha. Just kiddin. Seriously, I hope youll find better fun in Chicago.
Hey, GreenWitch, call Gus, 'k? He really wants to talk to you. Yeah, bout hostas, yeah, I dunno. You sort it out.
Naj, you allright? Seriously - I happened to just be walking down your new place - Ida thought youd moved to some Caribbean island or something! Ha, this aint what Id expected.. Anyway, when I peeked in I saw you were really freaking, like, running around smashing into things - seriously, take care of youself allright? Dont forget, I'll be keeping an eye out on you...
Shewolff!! My ladee!! I knew you'd still be listening, you're always so perseverant you sweetie. Im totally sorry you havent been getting me, you know - well, you know me - I'm flakin, always. But I know you love me anyway, and youre too sweet!
So anyway, right - I wanna meet up with you, really, I do - I wont be home for a while tho - so, tell you what - why dont you go to my friend DrewDad's, allright? You know the place? Yeah, the swanky one uptown I told you we'd go hang out there some day! With all the cars parked out front, yeah. I'll be straight over!
No, dont worry about it!! Just get your sweet self over there, we'll go on that romantic trip we talked about, it'll be a surprise destination. Here, just to prove to ya I'm not kidding I'll tell ya what the place is called - its Franangahoola, dont that sound exotic? Now dont go cheating in the atlas to see where it is - it aint in there anyway! Kiss kiss!
<beep>
yo nimh,
got your message. kewl, we'll party all weekend. i can't pay for the goodies tonite, but don't worry. I'll strike some deal with him, you know me.
We so ain't taking Synonymph along this time tho. I'd pull the bitch's hair out, I tell ya! She freaks me out man! Freaks me out! So later, szija!
(Heh Dag ... good going. I dont think I ever answered to ten pages of posts at once before ... just testing people's memory ;-))
You still havent returned my call!! Shy or what?
