Yo! Any of youse got a message for me?

Nimh? Yeah, uh, hi. My grandmother says she had a wonderful time at your place, but she can't find her you-know-whats anywhere and was wondering if you still had them 'cause she remembers you were trying them on. Thanks.

Ninh....Nimh....I haven't had my you know what since we ...you know.....two months ago, and I went to the doctor today.


We need to tallk.

Get back to me, will you?

Hello, it's me. Nimh, I have lent jespah's grandmother my you-know-whats and she says she forgot them at your place last night. please drop them off at my house, for she wouldn't ever remember they were mine in the first place and i'd never see them again. thanks, ciao.

Mr. Nimh...I know you are there, that beep of yours doesn't pass for the real answering machine...

Mr. Nimh, I can hear you breathing...

MR.NIMH...I'm loosing my patients with YOU...

Alright Mr. Nimh, if you want to play it that way, This is OFFICER SHIVERS AGAIN, we have been patient with you up to this point, there is a partol officer waiting at your front door, and back...so don't try anything funny. We have SWAT staked out on the roofs adjacent to your home, they WILL SHOOT!

DID YOU HEAR ME MR.NIMH...????

I heard the groan....come on out now..Mr. Nimh, Officer Shivers just wants to talk to you...seems we have a body cavity search to do......

>Click<

Beeeep......."This is a message for customer 231/B. Your Penis pump has now been repaired, and is awaiting pick up"

ok so i picked it up like you asked

i'm not sure i like the idea of keeping it here so you better come get it

yeah yeah i know

freakin' <beep>

you're freakin' there

pick it up, or i'm dumping it in front of your door

ROTF....



Damn, you'd hope for a 9'D

Is that 231/b fractions of a inch?

>CLICK<

Mr. Nimh...

I know your in there, we have already spotted you through the blinds coward down beside your bed, now if you would just please get up and come to the door where the police officer can read you your rights, that would be helpful to you and us.

Mr. Nimh....btw, who is the female that keeps dialing your number and hanging up? And Just HOW OLD IS SHE?

~~(to the officer behind him) See if you can get her to hold where we can trace her down....

Alright Mr. Nimh, if you want to play it that way...were coming through the door.....

nimh, I just got a call from my grandmother about her you-know-whats and then dagmaraka called on the other line and it seems they're really her you-know-whats and really I think you should return them soon as my poor sainted grandmother is getting awfully upset and you wouldn't want to make that woman cry now, would you? Oh, and when I went over earlier the SWAT team said they didn't know where the you-know-whats were, either.

(Ahem.)

Nimh.

This is your landlord, Edwin Jagersfeld.

I haven't received a rent check from you for two months. I realize you've been out of town, but that is not a good enough excuse. Frankly, I have gotten very tired of your excuses, Nimh. What is it this time? So far, three of your grandmothers have died, your bank's computer has crashed twice, and you've had that terminal disease for about six years now, I figure.

I've had enough of this. If I don't receive a check (and I'm warning you, it had better be a good one this time!) by Monday, I'm placing all your belongings on the curb for the trash collectors and changing the locks.

There are several people interested in your apartment, and it's about time I made some money on it. I'm sure you understand.

Hell, I don't even care if you understand. Just get me a check for two months' rent by Monday or I'm kicking your skinny ass outta there. Understand THAT.

<click>

Hello...Mr.Nimh....

Yes...Mr.Nimh, This is Police Officer Shivers AGAIN!

>Squabbling woman in the background<

Mr.Nimh, my patients have worn thin, I have three yakking women standing here, one wants her damned rent check, and the other two...want the "you know whats"....

I'll tell ya what Mr. Nimh, you either come out peacefully or I'm going to turn loose these women on your ass....I think the grandmother can take ya...she seems pretty pissed off at ya since you gave her Dag's " You know whats"...and told her they were hers!!!


>Shivers drops the phone...commotion in the background......<

Alright OLD LADY...Give me the weapon, you ...YOU..YOUUUUUU...LAAAAaaaDY, PLEASE....you can NOT HAVE THE RIFLE to SNIPE NIMH......

>Click<

Beeep......This is a message for customer 231/b. I can confirm that the penis pump sent to us for repair, was in fact the very same pump that was returned to you. I am sorry that it is too large, and can confirm that it is the smallest one that we currently stock. Thank you for your enquiry, your customer satifaction is important to us.

Hello? Hello? Mr. Nimh?

It's the Franangahoola County Poetry Contest Committee.

Your poem, "I was a teenaged girl in love" has won first prize! Please come to Franangahoola County immediately to claim your prize -- a lifetime's supply of Franangahoola County tobacco-flavored biscuits. There are no actual flights to Franangahoola County, so we are sending by mule train a fine pair of goats that you can trade for passage on a tramp steamer.

Remember, Beulah Mae of Franangahoola County wants to personally congratulate you!

<cough>

Nimh.

This is Mr. Jagersfeld again.

It's Monday, and I just checked my mailbox. No check. Uh huh. Just as I expected.

I'm sending over a couple of guys to change the locks. You can pick up your belongings anytime after 3 p.m. They'll be next to the trash cans at the curb.

I'm going over there now to start moving your stuff out.

<click>

Hello? Hello? Mr. Nimh?

It's the Franangahoola County Poetry Contest Committee again.

We just can't get enough of your poem, so we're sending you a complimentary case of Franangahoola County tobacco-flavored biscuits. They should arrive in six to ten weeks. If you can no longer eat them, they make fine coasters.

Remember, Beulah Mae of Franangahoola County wants to personally congratulate you!

This is Frank from the laundry.
What the heck made those stains?

<cough>

Nimh.

It's Jagersfeld.

Your stuff is out by the trashcans now. Come and get it.

Oh, and I took your flat screen TV, your tools, and your computer to cover the rent you owe me. I figure we're square now.

Remember, trash day's tomorrow.

See ya 'round, you lousy SOB.

<click>

hey

my mom says I have to stop calling so much.

apparently it is like 5 .00 a minute, and i already owe her 200.00.

so
you owe me


call me
I cant call back.


if you dont call me, i will just call and hang up so that you know i called and you can call me right back ok?

ok bye

Hey, nimh.

It's Jan, next door.

Um, I thought somebody ought to call you. Our rotten landlord threw all your stuff out of your apartment today. Yeah, can you believe that?! He's such an assh*le. Anyway, it's all down by the dumpsters. I saw it when I came home from work. Man, you better come get this stuff before they haul it off tomorrow! You can store it at my place if you want.

Uh, I noticed some old videotapes out there with names on them. You know...Anna, Dagmar...others, too. Thought I'd look through them if you don't mind. If you do, just say so, man.

Mind if I take some of the magazines, too? God, I've always wanted to buy stuff like that, but I was too embarrassed! <laughs> I didn't know you were into gay S&M too, man! Wow, I wish I'd known that all the time you lived right next door to me!

Hey, this message is getting kinda long. Call me, okay? Maybe we can set something up for....

<beep>