Unstable Angel (Fix You)

It comes through loud and clear, CD.

I could see this being a really lovely song, CD. Do you do any music writing? This is the first bit of your writing I've read, but I like it and it seems like your style could work as lyrics very well...which prolly makes sense, come to think of it, since you're so into music. Anyway, it's really nice

Why yes, cyphercat that's exactly what I was doing (subconciously) :wink:
I've taken up songwriting of late. Anytime I write anything lately I find my mind trying to turn it into a song; although this one would have to be lengthened considerably beforehand. Thanks for the comments though guys.

Many songs have very short lyrics. Consider El Watusi, by Ray Barrito, and Tequila, by The Champs.

Yeah, you could just do it up Oasis style, with endless repetitions of a line or two...or two minutes' worth of na-na-na's...(Not that there's anything wrong with that )

Of course. I love Oasis; they're very under-recognized.

Yes, I guess it wouldn't be too bad, but it'd need a hook or chorus or something. I don't really like hooks or riffs too much though, they're really commercialized.

CrazyDiamond

I read your lyrics and wanted to let you know I think you've got something really special there. The title's great too.

I can imagine your lyrics sung punk/drum 'n' bass. Stretching out the lines rather than adding more verses. That's how I hear it, anyway.

Maybe work on some kind (not neccesserily the traditional kind) of chorus?
If you play guitar, you'll know that musicians (especially undedicated, lazy ones like me) are attracted to patterns, and a 'repeat' helps built up rhythm.

Just some thoughts

Endy


Talking of Oasis, 'F....ing in the bushes' - now that's a great track!

Ooooh, I LOVE F*cking in the Bushes!! (yeah, yeah, have at it, smartasses) I haven't listened to that in a long time.

Yes, Endy, I am a novice/beginner guitar-player and, while I m attracted to an easy way to make a catchy song, I try to keep away from commercialized hooks; however, patterns and repeats aren't bad at all. I agree that with some work I could write up some good music for it and stretch it out very nicely. For now though, I won't add any more.

And yes, F*cking in the Bushes is an awesome track.

As long as we've got a few Oasis fans together, here's a great live performance of theirs' from last year.

yeah, I know what you mean - you don't want it to be corny.

I suppose I meant subtle repeats with simple chords,
Cos it's the lyrics that have really got what's needed.

Personally, I can't sing to save my life - but a voice could really do something with your lyrics.

Good Luck with it.

FITB has set me off on a search back for some of my favourite guitar stuff.
I've never been keen on the idea of playing lead myself (or commited enough to even think it )- but I really enjoy listening to it.

Ta-da! With some additions, this is my finished product.
Please tell me if you think I added too little or too much or if it's good this way or better the first way, etc, etc. Critique at will.

Unstable Angel (Fix You)

This is the first day of my life,
Here next to you, beautiful,
You take away my strife,
I wanna take away yours.

(guitar bridge)

You're just so lovely, goddamn it,
But you're broken--it kills me
I guess I can admit,
No matter what I'll be there.

(prechorus)
Your jackknifing emotions,
The knife against your wrist,
My friends told me, "don't get involved,"
But I guess I never could resist.

(chorus)
I can't see clearly through all this,
I don't know what to do,
I only wish that with one kiss--
With one kiss I could fix you.

It's your vulnerability,
It makes me wanna save you,
You know you're heavenly,
You're my unstable angel.
You're my unstable angel.

(prechorus)
Your jackknifing emotions,
The knife against your wrist,
My friends told me, "don't get involved,"
But I guess I never could resist.

(chorus)
I can't see clearly through all this,
I don't know what to do,
I only wish that with one kiss--
With one kiss I could fix you.
I wish with one kiss I could fix you.

CrazyDiamond it's really very good.

My favourite part is the second verse - Unstable Angel - it really stays in the mind - maybe it could be repeated at the end somehow?
But obviously, that's just a suggestion.

Bloody well done, mate.
Are you gona sing it?



Seeing Cyphercat's quote on your sig (ha nice one)- I'm gona have to find FINTB and play it yet again!

I know what you're saying Endy, and I gave a half-hearted effort in doing that. I did repeat it once, but I knew in the back of my mind it wasn't right. I'm going to try and work that phrase into the song a little more.

I don't know about singing though, I'm not much of a singer. Well, on second thought, I've never really seriously tried it.

I like the poem/song. I agree with Endy, that stanza with the word "unstable angel" is catchy.

I want to hear it! When ya gonna record it so's we can karaoke along?

I really like the expanded version, very cool.

But then, I like f*cking in the bushes, so I don't know that my opinion is very respectable.

Oh no, that fact makes your opinion ten times more respectable.