1
   

No title yet...

 
 
Reply Sun 16 Apr, 2006 04:46 pm
Today's tomorrows have come
Washed ashore my grey empty beach
A stripe of color so fresh
A wave of bright new reality
Breaks and licks up the charcoal sand
Of yesterday's sorrows, boredoms and frustrations.

I'm a little scared as the tide washes in
Changing the landscape of my life
But I might just take a swim
The water looks clear enough
I can see the silver fish dreams
Swimming through the rolling waves
Nibbling at my toes in the salty surf
Inviting me inÂ…

I am little scared but I think
I'll have to swim
It's not everyday the fish
Come to invite me in.
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 554 • Replies: 9
No top replies

 
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Apr, 2006 06:38 am
charcoal sand? Are you on Lanzarote???

Don't listen to them fishes! they can breathe underwater! YOU CAN'T.
0 Replies
 
tagged lyricist
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Apr, 2006 06:57 am
thanks contrex ;p
0 Replies
 
Letty
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Apr, 2006 07:18 am
Hey, T.L. that is really lovely, dear. Might I suggest, however, that you change the line "....I'm a little scared...." to something with deeper imagery.

Nice to see someone writing poetry again. <smile> Please keep it up.
0 Replies
 
tagged lyricist
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Apr, 2006 03:56 pm
i'll think about it but i quite like the sort of incongruously of the childish phrase to go with a childish fear in an otherwise deeply symbolic poem
0 Replies
 
Letty
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Apr, 2006 04:17 pm
Well, of course, honey. You know what your heart is saying.
0 Replies
 
tagged lyricist
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Apr, 2006 04:32 pm
and I can't speel incongruousness but hey whatever Razz
0 Replies
 
tagged lyricist
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Apr, 2006 04:32 pm
and I can't spell incongruousness but hey whatever Razz
0 Replies
 
Letty
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Apr, 2006 04:42 pm
Quite frankly, T.L. I would leave it just as it is and use that as a title. Love it! <big smile>
0 Replies
 
tagged lyricist
 
  1  
Reply Tue 18 Apr, 2006 08:34 am
thanks letty very nice of you to be so nice Razz
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

What inspired you to write...discuss - Discussion by lostnsearching
It floated there..... - Discussion by Letty
Small Voices - Discussion by Endymion
Rockets Red Glare - Discussion by edgarblythe
Short Story: Wilkerson's Tank - Discussion by edgarblythe
The Virtual Storytellers Campfire - Discussion by cavfancier
1st Annual Able2Know Halloween Story Contest - Discussion by realjohnboy
Literary Agents (a resource for writers) - Discussion by Craven de Kere
 
  1. Forums
  2. » No title yet...
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.04 seconds on 04/29/2024 at 12:07:10