Avoiding Cliches

The horny bad guy with the dark hair grabbed the bitch by the blouse.

Something like that, Noddy?

Gus--

You have a mean, clean prose style. You are a credit to the swamp.

You're making me blush.

He was a good guy, a pirate, a cowboy but, he'd been on the range too long and the sheep were getting nervous. He was, indeed, a rounder but she was rounder and he got around her. She soon swooned but, in the end, it was love not lust that drove them over the abyss and down into the yucca of the arroyo. Coyotes howled in the distance. They ate beans together for dinner.

That "sheep were getting nervous" crap is so trite.

well, it was in a land far away and long ago, trite was more popular then.

Ha ha!

Gus gets points off for using "horny" and "bitch," both terribly overused slang terms. Not the same as a cliche, but almost as bad. He can do better. 2/10.

Dys's version, on the other hand, is full of humorous word play and inventive imagery ("down into the yucca of the arroyo"...I am still laughing!) Extra points for creating a setting that matches his persona. 9/10. I agree with Set. One point off for the nervous sheep bit.

I can't stand Shakespear for just that reason. In case nobody's noticed, his stuff is just full of old, worn out cliches

Let's see if I can do it romance-novel-style without resorting to cliches. Now, there's a challenge.


All through the long nights in the castle dungeon, the traitor Gaspar had dreamed of touching the young chambermaid, Pristine, who delivered his daily portion of water and gruel. Today, he thought, today is the day I shall finally do it! Moving his empty trencher a few inches back from its usual place by his cell door, he sat in the shadows and waited for Pristine to retrieve it. When the chambermaid reached in for the bowl, it was just out of reach. She opened the cell door a little further, and Gaspar lunged at her, tearing the handmade lace at her throat. This enraged Pristine, who in turn picked up the dirty trencher and beat Gaspar about the head and shoulders with it. "Filthy scoundrel!" she exclaimed as he collapsed on the cold, stone floor. "I shall have you hanged for this! It took me six months to make that collar!" Turning, she left the cell and once again locked the iron door. As she carried the dirty dishes up the dungeon steps she thought to herself what a miserable job this was. Perhaps Count Millefrancs could be persuaded to find her a better situation. Tucking the torn edges of lace under at the edges, Pristine set the dirty trenchers and tankards on the kitchen doorstep, pinched her cheeks and lips, and set off for the elderly Count's quarters.

I vote Gus and Noddy, meself--although I'd replace "bitch" with heifer.

-Sal

Maddened by lust, the raven-haired villain grasped the delicate lacy bodice of our virginal heroine and....


The rabid rake ripped the **** out of the frigid chick's threadbare nightie...

But did the horse run back into the spilled milk under the bridge?

This is the hottest love story EVER!! It has cowboys and pirates, sheep and beans. Dys rules!!