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Sat 18 Mar, 2006 12:04 am
Dependent Crescent Moon
By Sam (Drowned by Darkness)
Bright, fluorescent crescent moon-
Your crisp form swivels against the tides of the night sky.
The blackness of the space and its emptiness,
Only adds to your mystique
Dear, dear quintessence of a crescent moon-
When I stare at the stars, all I see is you
The clear, clean air wraps its calm loving arms around you,
And I am jealous
Teary, vacant crescent moon-
You seem so lonely, all aloneĀ
Alone in the sky, with no one to apply,
To your tender loving tone
Pretty good Sam.
Liked first line a lot.I didn't care for "apply" but I could think of nothing better.It seems to jar a bit against the the tone.And you are applying to the tone so unless you're out of body "no one" is wrong.Someone is.You.
But I rate that.
Flaubert does something like it in Salammbo.He talks of dark spaces behind the moon where new worlds are created.Work a phrase like the last one into your poem if you can.
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