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Sat 26 Apr, 2003 11:05 pm
FALLING
Falling through time, living a hollow life Shallow ground seeking pleasure to treasure escape the pressure Of this way of life, wallow in the sorrow tomorrow will bring Drowning deep in this sea of sorrow, brings the motivation to sing⦠My life through a microphone, pages and pages filled with rage Trapped inside my cage, not even I can contain the rage much more Falling through time, living a hallow life.
MisterEThoughts
MisterEThoughts,
Hello! When you ask "What do you think", are you asking for a critique of the poem? The quality? The meaning?
Intriquing poem. Yet what piques my interest is in the last two lines, in particular. A 'hallow' life. Or a 'hollow' life? Goodness, with one letter>>
a = o?, It completely changes the testure of the meaning of the poem. IMHO.
fatima10
More intriquing, I should say!
so wait is that a good thing or a bad thing?
MisterEThoughts, Fatima has asked a crucial question, but I'm going to assume that you want our input on your writing. Phoenix has asked a question that should be resolved, but I do believe that your "sing---" word is a typo.
The phrase, "....my life through a microphone" caught my attention, and your avatar seems to reflect the caged part of your life.
Let us here from you. Welcome to A2K
I'll bet sing⦠is like a verbtense "to utter words in musical tones and with musical inflections"
'hollow' life = empty???
just my2cents
yes everyone thats rightt
Im trying to get a beat going cause thsi is a rap No? If I read it and keep the beat that gets me it appears thusly
Faling through time'/living hollow'/life shallow' ground/seeking pleasure'/ to treasure'/ escape' from the pressure/ of this' way of life.
etc etc. its difficult to get rhythm in a written post without some visual cl;ues. Since yours are probably different can you share the beat breaks you have put in this ?
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