Loving yourself

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It's just been a while that i've been learning how to love myself. I've realized that i didn't before. I spent so much time wondering who i was, creating limitations saying that if i crossed them i wouldn't be true to who i am. Who are we? Does it matter? Do we need to have characteristics that stand out from the rest? Do we always need to have points to fight for what we believe in? Do we need to have the name of our favourite actors on the tip of our tongue when we're asked, because otherwise we don't know what we want? It took a lot of time for me to figure out, but NO. We don't.

I'ts better to be who you want to be and who you are than be unique. THere are great unique people, but there are great non-unique people in our lives too. What matters is that we love ourselves.

When i didn't love myself i used to try to make people i thought were nice to like me. Then, i would qualify as a nice person, i used to think. But, from then on, there was so much pressure inside me to be liked that i never gave my heart a chance to breath. I felt emotionally stressed when i was with other people, especially the one's that i liked. Because i tried becoming someone whom they would like, but i was defying who i was in my heart and trying.

Now, I love myself. The more i love me, the more i love the people around me. Because love only multiplies. I don't feel jealous of my sister, because i think mum loves her more. It was something i created because i thought that i didn't deserve as much love as my sister did. But now i do. And even when i'm all alone i feel loved.

I am very polite outside and am a lion at home. I used to be ashamed of this, and it stopped me from being comfortable with other people. I felt like i was hiding something from other people. But i couldn't control screaming at home and everytime i did it i felt guilty. And didn't like myself. I have realized that everyone does this, there are people who are the same everywhere but all of us can't be the same. If i have to i can scream and fight outside home, too. I mayen't sound as confident as i am at home, but i can do it.

Loving yourself, is accepting who you are, the imperfect you. But when you love yourself, life feels perfect.

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You sound like a very wise person. One of the most important lessons in life is learning to love yourself. If you are unable to love yourself, you are incapable of loving anyone else.

The way that you talk about your family, you sound like a young person. I think that it is wonderful that as a young person you understand a truth that many people never come to learn!

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Yeah, sweet story
man, i wish i had a good loving heart
the only thing i've learnt in the past year is to swear
badly
ah well - we're not all perfect, are we?

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Love Yourself
So how are things going with the loving yourself idea. Has it lasted. I only ask because I think it is one of the hardest things a person can do. We need to know ourself and love ourself where we are and know we can change something if we don't like it. Very few people keep the idea of loving ones self active in their mind. I would love to hear you thoughts on the difficulties on doing what on the outside would seem like the easiest thing to do. As you know it's not huh?

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macaroni,

You may have successfully taken a first step along the difficult road to "emotional maturity" and you might like to consider the second.

"Where the self is, love is not!" (J Krishnamurti).

This appears to be a contradiction but it should be thought of as a transcendent position which progresses naturally from the first.

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A person needs to be secure within himself, to understand himself, and to love himself, if he is to be able to reach out to other people. A person who does not hold himself in high esteem, will attach himself to others because of some neurotic need, rather than for love of that person. A person who does not love himself, is incapable of loving others.

Quote:

To say "I love you", one must know first, how to say the 'I'. Ayn Rand.

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Im very glad to here you love yourself, i hope your happiness cintinues.

I used to be quite spirtual/religious, loving God, obeying him, trying to do right and treat people well.
A few years back I decided even tho I was nice I really gained nothing from it, I was treated badly so I kind of gave up God.

Since then I have noticed a big difference, I love the fact That I say what I want at times, I still dont go out of my way to hurt people but I feel more in tune with myself and how I feel about situations.
I like this change.
But I also feel empty, I dont like myself much.I have friends but they are doing their own thing, working hard, having relationships and they all deseve good things.
i feel like im worthless and stuck in a rut.
Do you think this is because of the loss of spritual/religious side of me?How do I get it back but still incorporate my new strengths?

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Quote:

Do you think this is because of the loss of spritual/religious side of me?How do I get it back but still incorporate my new strengths?

Realize everything you got from your religion was actually coming from you. Be to yourself those things you are missing.
You have mountains of untapped potential, tap it.

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Nice post, macaroni. It's refreshing when someone opens their heart here. Thanks.

I hope you continue to feed the good thing you have going. Like Phoenix wrote, you have learned something which many people struggle with and some never learn. I'm happy for you.

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Thank You, everyone. Your replies made me feel great! Very Happy

I think Phoenix is right. When i didn't like myself much, i felt uncomfortable being with other people, because i felt inferior to them. I didn't have love for myself in my heart and i required other people to love me to feel good about myself. People have expectations and they don't always agree with you, so i was sad most of the time. But when i learn to love and understand myself, i can do anything, and it's not wrong.

Material Girl, i used to feel exactly like you did. I tried being nice to everybody and i always sat with this girl in my bus and talked to her, even though i didn't even like her. I realized that i missed out on the things that i wanted to do, this way. There is nothing "right" in the world. It's what you want. Go do it. Everyone mayen't like you when you do the things that you want, but you will.

Manchumba, for the past 2 years i was very sad. I was frustrated with myself. It took and still takes a lot of hardwork everyday to be able to love who i am. Sometimes, i am still afraid to post comments here, because i'm afraid that ppl may make fun of me, or that i realize i am wrong. It took me 3 months since i signed up here to write things i really want to! I have to keep working hard, to do the things that i want to.

One day, when i won't have to ever think about doing things that make me feel great and loving myself, I'll be the happiest girl alive!!!!!!!!!

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Im out of a job i a few weeks, I have no skills that I can get paid for, no interest in the types of jobs available(mostly IT or managerial), Im panicing so much!!
I wish I knew exactly what I wanted to do and how to do it!!

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material girl wrote:

Im out of a job i a few weeks, I have no skills that I can get paid for, no interest in the types of jobs available(mostly IT or managerial), Im panicing so much!!
I wish I knew exactly what I wanted to do and how to do it!!

First, try to calm down. Make a plan. You might want to go to a career testing service (most colleges have one), and take an aptitude and interest test. These tests assess both your personality and your skills, and will give you a good idea as to the kind of work that will make you the happiest.

Once you find out, you might want to check out "What Color is Your Parachute", which is a great book on job humting. You can look at some sample pages here:

Link to book

The main advice that I can give to you is don't panic. It'll be ok!

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Re: Loving yourself

macaroni wrote:

Loving yourself, is accepting who you are, the imperfect you. But when you love yourself, life feels perfect.

I had this wonderful example given by my spiritual mentor.

When you look at people with more pain than you, you automatically feel good for urself.

When we look up, we envy the leaders and feel sad. Rather we should inspire from them. Also there are always a great number of people behind you, in much more pain, In much more agony.

They must be inspiring from you as u lead them. Morever that should increase the "feel Good" factor.

Love yourself. Love Others. Its so obviously mutual.

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Thanks phoenix, I am trying not to panic by distracting myself with craft things after a morning of looking on sites for jobs.
I really think i need to join a careers agency.

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Macaroni, any specific advice on actually loving yourself? If the number of people who don't even realise this classic truth is saddening, I wouldn't want to know the number of people who come across it, understand it, make sense of it...and are simply unable to do it.

Can we love ourselves under any circumstance? How much/how little recognition do we need from those close & afar? Do some people need a helping hand, the confidence booster if you may? Or are all those things almost, false dawns, houses built on sand, love for yourself can only come from within...

Interesting to think about Smile

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Love for yourself comes only from within.

But to bring that love within ourselves, we can take help from a helping hand, confidence boosters, spiritual guides, books. I talk to my my friends and mum, i watch a great movie, i read a great book and i get inspired. And it feels great. But sometime after that i feel back to the unloving me. These things help you learn to love yourself, because everytime i watch a movie that inspires me or sth else, i feel like i've grown. Like i'm learning to love myself. But if i choose, i can feel none of this. So the thing is that unless we are ready in our hearts to really love ourselves anything that we read or are told won't make a difference.

Yeah, it is interesting...lol.

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With me it was accidental. I had suffered several large disappointments over a period of about 20 years including a divorce 12 years earlier.

I felt fine but after an MRI doctor told me I had 5 growths on the upper node of my liver. He suggested a biopsy to confirm cancer. I told him to forget it and I went home. I was as angry as much as I was afraid. At that moment I gave up my religion entirely. I continue to believe in God and I strive to be a decent person but no more formal religious doctrine for me.

Almost immediately I felt a great sense of relief. I no longer believe in Heaven or Hell and if I have cancer it will eventually become apparent and if there is pain involved there are plenty of things the doctor has that will remove that. I will just die and go to dust painlessly. That's all.

My vigor for pursuing the "right" women has improved dramatically. The only real problem I have is discovering that women over fifty no longer care much for sex and if they do it is begrudgingly. None of them really enjoy it. Age.

But the main consideration here is, is that even though I have several women that I might consider asking to move in with me but probably will not. Why? Because I know the minute I did everything would change for me. Right now (outside of that fantastic woman) life is very good for me. I am retired, own my own home, my income is good. I am totally independent, I have a life and I love myself.

I only need be reminded of a good friend of mine who at just 32 was a field grade military officer, bachelor, drove a beautiful Mercedes roadster. He fell in love with a woman and never truly enjoyed life again. He doesn't to this day as a result of being harnessed. He is now retired but his wife still works, runs the show and I mean she REALLY runs the show.

I love myself entirely too much to allow that to happen. Possibly a live-in lover-woman but marriage again? Never. I love myself too much. Cool

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Nice post, macaroni....It makes me think - because I'm not sure what "loving yourself" really means. I have never thought of it consciously....how do i know if i do or not?

I'm comfortable with other people....i do not feel inferior..i do talk to people i meet in the bus/elsewhere but I wouldnt force myself to talk to her if I didnt like her...

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Sakhi, i never knew and never thought about all of this too. It's when i had to defeat not loving myself that i had to. If you feel the way you feel at the moment, that's great! Enjoy life and don't worry about these things. I think you already love yourself anyway!

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Loving yourself

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