@Lash,
It's complicated. I could write a book or two and maybe should have, as I was given an Intent to Publish by a reasonably known architectural publisher, but I gave up for varied reasons having to do with life.
I remember my italian teacher, later friend somewhere in the midst of my taking seven quarters of classes, that I was hauling too much, needed to pinpoint. I never was that great in italian, but I was happy with it. I'd similar takes on her life; if anything, her's was way more dramatic.
Reasons for my fears, yes.
I never cared much about money except to get along, various reasons behind all that, and lived it. I chose what I wanted to do, who I married. Even now I'm not sorry, I still - after a bit - get him.
I've got likely one of the lowest set of ssc incomes possible, and I am trying to keep my town house, with taxes and insurance. This will implode fairly soon.
I could possibly fix some of that if I got my ass in gear.