Closure?

I saw a dreadful shaft of light
As blind I was, until it shone;
Like a light over the comic strip head
Denoting ideas-
It blared the truth about that phone.

So many hours I sat to wait
A' thinking of all our coming and gone.
Brighter and clearer it has burnt
Until I found the weight of it was none.

Just as a lifer marks his wall
I've scratched the days off- toll after toll,
Listening. Hoping. Praying. Grieving.
Afraid and pained, Spring-Summer-Winter-Fall.

Enlightened once, I thought, 'it is good to die'
There is just no passion nor interest to pursue
And then I tossed around a plan
That I could return all that's yours to you!

Vengeance! That was my greed, a need to send it back.
In my silence, I reviewed-
"But that would make me just like them??!"
A hollow thought- so I refused...