You Get What You Pay For

aidan --cool, i love your sparseness and breaks

Thanks Cola, but you bringing up the breaks made me think about why I did them like that. I have a bad habit of ending lines with words I think are important and beginning lines with words I think are important, thus breaking up the thoughts in a distracting way, which I don't even consciously realize I'm doing. So I reformatted it:

You Get What You Pay For

It hasn't been easy - I'll have you know-
this collecting and categorizing, the endless cataloguing,
all in an effort to determine what to discard, what to store,
and what warrants showing in the final exhibition.

A huge dilemma-
how does one assign meaning and assess value
where truth be told, there is little of either to be found?
Better minds than mine have struggled with less.

It's a delicate process-
intricate as the mechanism of wrist or ankle-
nothing less than a miracle of design that allows for optimum movement,
unless one fragile bone has been misplaced.

It all hinges on one thing: perception-
what to take and what to leave behind.
As single-minded and precisely logical as dawn-
I asked for everything I got.


I think it reads more smoothly this way - what do you think?

Aidan-

Actually, I would keep some of the old breaks, but also use some of the revised ones. I always read my poems aloud, and break based on what I like aurally. Unless ofcourse, it's a poem that relies on visualization.
I don't think break and starting lines based on word emphasis is a "bad habit." Not if it works for the poem.

A very nice poem either way

I like the revised version better. Modern poetry tends to end in breaks, as you said, with important words first and last. But of course, I've always been partial to traditional style.

Nice poem regardless :wink:

Thank you both for your input. It's been helpful.