Taste of Salt

mc slipperz-
I enjoyed the language in this poem. A couple of technical observations - "pedals" did you mean "petals"? "medal" did you mean metal?
I don't think "wasps and clasps, the only things in her hair" does the poem justice.

By the way, the opening line is awesome.

Cola

thanks cola for your feedback.

your right, they were typos.

Sometimes typos work in ways you don't realize and are cool to leave in.

Lips like pedals--pedal is a word I associate with "pushing," whether on your bike or in a car. Or with acceleration. Or circular movement.

Medal--short for medallion, right? Like gold medal. It's proximity to the word "heart" is a cool image. Evokes "heart of gold."

It might be a stretch, I don't know. But sometimes these things happen subconsciously and work well.

thats a great observation, though wasn't my intention..

thanks for that input gargamel, made me think.

peace

I like the overall feel of this poem and I also like the use of the slant rhyme on line 6: 'wasps and clasps'.
Well done. :wink:

not much into poems, but was feelin' this one.. nice multies, had good emotion.. nice job slippz