Take a job as a taster for possible new coffee, tea and soda flavors or as sous chef for a cantankerous old geezer prone to knife (and other utensil throwing) fits of rage - for ridiculously high salary?
Oh hell, 6 Beavis and Butthead episodes......I know those kids, they lived in my neighborhood or went to the neighboring school when I was a youngster.
Elevated train over a canyon (under 2 hours). I wouldn't mind the alternative if it took no more than a week (considering how much overnight camping is needed for the trek).
Move to Derry, Maine where you have to deal with a killer alien clown OR move to Salem's Lot, Maine where you will have to deal with a whole family of vampires?