Reply Mon 28 Nov, 2005 05:55 am

We learned the language of water
that bitter spring.
We dove silent and deep beneath the surface
and dwelt in a storm of shadows
infinite as a void
and black as the bottom of a well-
It felt like love.

Submerged in longing where
senses failed, no sight and no sound-
only a cool and smooth eternity.
I blindly ran my tongue across
the ridges of your teeth-
rare and perfect, they were waiting for me,
aligned like pearls.

You felt like a sin to me - fluid and forbidden.
You were more than what I needed-
the embodiment of grace.
I closed my eyes against the blackness,
finite and solid as forgiveness,
and whispered prayers of gratitude
that rose like air.
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Reply Mon 28 Nov, 2005 11:32 am
Fantastic aidan! Strong, descriptive words allow me to feel just what you're feeling, and see what you see. Great write Very Happy
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Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 04:04 am
Thanks CD. I'm taking a course on writing poetry and each week the teacher gives a writing prompt to kind of guide us in a very general direction. She leaves it broad enough so that people can express their individual personalities or interests, but provides ideas that lead us in a direction we might not have gone in on our own. This week it was to pick only one of the senses and write a poem about something, emphasizing that sense. I'm a very visual person, and my usual tendency is to write describing how something looks - so she told me I couldn't use sight as my sense - so I chose touch/feeling- so I'm glad I got the feelings across, as that was the assignment.

She's a very good teacher, with a lot of interesting ideas and approaches. I've taken creative writing courses before - but this has been my favorite one and the most useful to me. I feel like I've grown a lot as a writer since I've been in her class.
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Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 02:10 pm
wow, aidan, I love it.
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Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2005 04:34 pm
Thank you Carlotta.
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Reply Wed 30 Nov, 2005 05:33 pm

you are a sweet person to care about whether I'm feeling sad. (your post on my poem "Loss".) I am writing these kind of poems now as a sort of record of the things I should have written ten years ago when my husband died at Christmas time. But I had young children to raise then. My youngest daughter is just off to college and a lot of these feelings come rushing back. however, I am not sad anymore. but as you know, this whole poetry writing thing compels one to dig deep.
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Reply Thu 1 Dec, 2005 02:17 pm
Yes it does. And this time of year can feel lonely, especially if you have sad memories associated with it, but it sounds like you're dealing with things. You strike me as a strong person, and now knowing what you've faced, I see you've had to be. Funnily enough, I think it worries me more when people who are strong seem sad. Do you know what I mean? Anyway - ignore me- it's just the mother in me coming out.

Will your daughter be home for Christmas?
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Reply Thu 1 Dec, 2005 03:55 pm
Writing poetry is new to me. I love it . I've written stories, a novel, and eight children's books- easy work compared to poetry. I think I'll have to try writing songs next.

Both my college daughters will be home for christmas (sadly, not my son) and I have a huge family community, including my mom and we all really enjoy the holidays.

I think writing on this site incognito (as most of us do) is quite empowering, don't you? one can experiment and dabble without really committing.

I think you have a true gift, and even if I don't always comment, I read your poetry with pleasure.
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Reply Fri 2 Dec, 2005 03:50 am
Carlotta - I really appreciate your support. As I've told you before, I admire your ability as well, so I appreciate your opinion. I've been writing for a while, but I never liked anything I wrote and I think I finally realized it was because it wasn't honest. When I was younger, I always felt that I had to protect people's view of me or themselves- I couldn't write truthfully about my grandmother because it might hurt my mother- I couldn't write truthfully about sadness I felt in love - because it might hurt my husband - you know that kind of thing. So I always wrote what I thought would be acceptable to people around me - and truthfully, I always felt it sucked.

I don't know if any of it is any better - but at least it's honest now, and that makes a difference in how I view it. I don't know if incognito is as important as the fact that I am allowing myself to express myself fully and honestly-whether there is judgement attached to it or not. Because I've finally gotten to the point that I've decided - I just don't give a **** - unless I'm doing something to hurt someone else - noone can tell me how I should feel and how I should write about how I feel.
I use this site as a place to thicken my skin, it's always been hard for me to expose my self and my feelings to judgement, but if I'm going to write, I need to learn how to take it. My next step is poetry readings at a local pub. You just don't know what a challenge that is for me.

Sounds like you're looking forward to Christmas. I am too. I love it, mostly all the music and lights and baking that lead up to the day, moreso than the day itself. Enjoy your day, and thanks again for the gift of your encouragement - Aidan
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Reply Tue 27 Dec, 2005 05:43 pm

Excellent. A great poem with some very fine images and a good word flow.

Robert Davidson.

Edit [Moderator]: Link removed
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