Boyfriend / Buying Property Quandary ... need advice

1. don't buy a house

2. get married with a pre-nup

3. I'm not an expert, but there are ways to basically "go into business together" with somebody on a house, but it requires contracts and such, kind of like a pre-nup. A lawyer or realestate person is probably the best to ask abou this

Yep, you need legal advice. LOTS of legal advice.

You seem like you want to be independent and are in a position to do so. Since you don't seem to really want to marry this guy for whatever reason, I would just buy a house myself. If he lives with you, he should share at least half the expenses.

Why would you consider this "unfair to him?"

I agree with nikki, you should buy the house and he should pay you rent plus utilities. If you split up, you still have your house, if you decide to get married down the road you can always put his name on the deed.
Cover your own assets.

Hi, thanks for your responses.

Why marry? We are not going to have children. And I don't want to be financially obligated for anything he or anyone else does.

One of my boyfriends got cancer. He was sick for a year. He couldn't help pay any of the bills. All the living expenses were on me that year. When he did start getting about $700 from SSI, he gave all of that to his daughter, who--by the way--moved in with us while he was ill, brought with her a 32-year-old boyfriend and two dogs. Added significantly to the housework and expenses yet did nothing, absolutely nothing to help.

I was exhausted and broke by the time he died. And she moved out about a week before he died. Thank goodness she did go!

But ... would it be fair to ask him to pay rent, when I own? I mean, none of his rent would be deductable and he wouldn't be building any equity.

I did find a legal Web site with some thoughts on the matter:

http://64.233.187.104/search?q=cache:DhA-foKghv0J:www.fn.com/2002/06/17/pf/yourhome/q_jointown/+%22legal%22+%22buying+property+with+someone%22&hl=en

I'm not sure I want to ever own with anyone again. I'm not even sure about renting.

I mean, really, I would never have kicked out my loving boyfriend on his death bed. Not even an option. But, against all my arguments, I couldn't protect myself from his worthless wreck of a daughter moving in and bringing with her three other living worthless beings who wreaked havoc on an already stressed household.

It was over 10 years ago.

I'm still angry about it.

Sorry for my strong bitter words. I'm really lucky to be older and wiser and in a very protected space ... for now.

How can I keep that?

Re: Boyfriend / Buying Property Quandary ... need advice


Best way to protect yourself: Don't by the house with your boyfriend. Don't do ANYTHING jointly involving money with someone that you're not prepared to share your life with.



Wise.



Why not? If you buy the house and he moves in he should be considered a roomate. You're not married, what's his isn't yours and visa-versa. Keep it seperate, totally.



This is entirely dependant on who signs the contract. If you're name is on it solely, it's your house and you're responsible for it. It's not the same as when you were married and you both half everything.



Again, depends upon who signs for the mortgage.



If prior debts worry you, then you're not ready to remarry.




You're doomed to nothing that you don't choose. Make wise choices.




Idea #1: Quit dating losers.
Idea #2: Tell him straightforward that if he is to continue spending so much time at your place that you'd appreciate some help with the bills that he's racking up for you. If he refuses, start hanging out at his place more.



You can't call it being taken advantage of when you make such a decidedly bad decision. If you break up and he winds up taking a bunch of stuff that's yours because you neglected to think the situation through then you pretty much deserve what you get.



Start helping yourself. You don't 'need' anyone. You can get by just fine on your own with a bit of financial advice from someone well versed in such things. Trying to plan your financial future on something as unstable as 'boyfriends' then you're never going to be secure. Ever. If you don't wish to remarry, then do yourself the courtesy of leaving every Tom Dick and Bob that come along out of your financial world.



They sure do. They're called 'partners'. Or they're married. Don't try to force something that experience tells you won't work out. You wouldn't go into an investment office and ask to speak with the guy that's got the most personal debt, would you?

Best luck!

Questoiner:

You know what. You are right.

I have no qualms about doing any of it on my own.

He can visit ... or not.

Thanks!

Questioner- I started to reply to dupre, until I saw your answer. You have just about said it all, and saved me the time and effort..




If I were you, I would do NOTHING with this guy. He sounds like a loser.

What I WOULD do, if I were you, is get some professional help, and try to find out why you are attracted to these types of characters. YOU need to change, so that you can attract a guy who is reponsible, and not up to his eyeballs in debt.

...

I agree with all of the above advise.

Buy the house yourself and have your boyfriend pay
rent and utilities. But be careful, if he is not on the deed
but contributed to the house payments, he might have
an equitable claim for reimbursement. A legitimate
tenant agreement where the amount of rent and partial
utility payments are stated, including ramifications
if he defaults the rent payments would be a wise agreement
to have.

Should you have a falling out and/or defaults on his obligations, you then have a legal document to either force
him to pay rent or move out.

Dupre--



Why would you go into business with an unreliable partner with a poor credit history just because you're sleeping with him?

Right now, his apartment is his. Your living quarters are yours and his. Your expenses are yours.

Of course you feel resentful.

I have a friend with a relationship that really works for her. He has his place, she has hers. During the week, they "do their own thing". On the weekends, one weekend she stays at his place, at hers the next. They have been doing this for what must be over 8 years. At one time he lived about an hour from her, but he then moved into the same community, But the relationship is the same.

I am very curious, Dupre. You say that your boyfriend does not pay rent. Since he spends a lot of time at your house, does he kick in for food, repairs, etc.?

What can I add?

Well, if you were sharing a rented apartment, he would be obliged for his share of the rent. How is it different, if you own the house. Good point on rental agreement from Calamity. He would be paying rent, not contributing to the house payments. Remember, most states do not permit instant evictions if things go wrong. It could get sticky if things go sour.

I do not like your boyfriend, dupre. Never have, and never will.

I'm trying to figure out if this is the one I don't like or not. I thought that one was gone (which I was happy about), but "last boyfriend" stuff doesn't sound like the one I thought was the last boyfriend... and I may just be thoroughly confused.

At any rate, I didn't like the last one I was aware of, and this one isn't impressing me much either from what you say here.

To join the chorus, I remember not liking something about a boyfriend of dupre's, but not what it is, or which person..

At any rate, this seems to be a good response:

Hrrmmm.. Lots of comments here from others that I agree with but... There is one possible way for you to get what you desire and protect yourself legally.

Form a legal corporation with your b/f and purchase the house through the corporation.

Have the lawyer draw up the business specifying how the payments on the house would be funded (i.e. you each pay half of it monthly, etc..) as well as things like taxes, utility bills, etc... and also provisions for ending the busniess relationship should things go that route.

One thing though, it might be a good idea to set up some ground rules before you go ahead with it. Like, if he spends more than X amount of time at the new place, he needs to contribute Y amount of money... etc.

I'm still a bit confused about the underlying motivations, which would help me advise you (though I agree there are scads of legal issues that I know nothing about). Is it that you want to buy a house and you're not sure how he would fit into it? Is it that he wants to get a new place, together?

Oh, interesting, fishin'.

Yeah, well the guy does sound like a loser but that is another question.

Here in the Bay Area, because the housing expenses are so high, people do rommate situations all the time. I just can't imagine anyone moving in with me and not sharing expenses. In fact, my rule is the gentleman pays.